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6 Important Things To Remember In Your 30s

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6 Important Things To Remember In Your 30s

Once we enter our 40s and beyond, hindsight becomes a wonderful thing. It’s a time when we can look back and see how our younger years have made us the ones we are today. Our 20s were the decade that brought youth and discovering our place in the world; a time of fun and care-free attitudes. We are told our 30s are when things start to take shape, we find the person we are meant to become, we establish ourselves in society through our careers, parenthood, marriage and everything comes together. Once we are in our 40s we truly know ourselves and become happy in our skin, knowing we achieved what we wanted. But how much of this is true? Reflecting back in our 40s and 50s, would we have done anything differently? Instead of feeling worldly and knowledgable, our 30s can be the decade of ups and downs and can cause us a sense of bewilderment as we juggle different responsibilities. Everything you do in life helps you become the person we are today. Whether you’re about to enter your 30s or heading full-force to your 40s, learn from those in the know.

1. Stop worrying that your life hasn’t worked out the way you expected it to be

In the throws of youth, we believe that our 30s will be a time when we’ve figured it all out. We will have the career, the marriage, the baby and all that comes with it. But life doesn’t always work out the way we expected it to be. Your 30s are a time that brings immense societal pressure to have everything in place and if you haven’t then you feel a sense of failure. The ‘shoulds’ tend to hold you back – you should have a good career, you should own a home, you should have children. If this is the case for you then you’re not alone. Don’t spend time worrying about what you haven’t done yet and instead just enjoy life – things will come to you in good time.

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2. Spend less time working

Our 30s can be very career-focused and we believe that, to be successful and happy in life, we should be working hard and clocking in those hours. Sometimes we spend too much time putting work first. You start to realize that precious moments with loved ones are much more important than sitting in the office and making money.

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3. Take more chances

The pressure we feel in our 30s causes us to become overly cautious in our decision-making. One reflection is not having lived a little more. Travel the world, pursue that dream job or do that bungee jump! Don’t feel afraid to chase exciting opportunities – just because you’re in your 30s, doesn’t mean you can’t do the things you dream of doing.

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4. Invest more time exercising and being healthy

The anti-exercise and bad eating habits we tend to adopt when we’re younger can carry on into our 40s and it’s this time in life that these bad habits are harder to drop. It’s more difficult to get into shape once we’re a bit older so establishing a positive attitude to exercise and healthy eating will serve you well as you enter your 40s.

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5. Spend more time with your parents

We tend to believe that our parents will be around forever. Once we enter our 40s, parents become noticeably older and a common reflection is feeling we should have spent more time with them. Simply going for a walk together will become a lot harder once they become frail so make more time for conversations, vacations and activities that you can do together.

6. Stop believing your 30s are old

Hitting your 30s can be a shock and you start to believe that you’ve truly entered the beginning of old age. You can start to limit yourself because you feel you’re ‘too old’. Well you’re not! Life has not moved on so significantly from your 20s – you are still young. Go out and take those chances. Mindset is a powerful thing and all it takes is a change of perspective to realize that life can be exciting and lived to the full at any age.

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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