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4 Things That Happen When You’re Capable Of Self-Compassion (Supported By Science)

4 Things That Happen When You’re Capable Of Self-Compassion (Supported By Science)

Self love is a concept that makes people uneasy. It evokes images of narcissism and selfishness. Recently there has been a shift away from encouraging the enhancement of self esteem, especially in children. It is seen as indulgent and as having a counter productive impact by inflating the ego and making children too focused on their own needs and less interested in the needs and well being of others.

Instead of pandering to the trivial needs of individuals, psychologists are now looking at ways that people can face life’s challenges in a more productive and selfless way. This not only has a beneficial influence on the individual; by making them more resilient and self nurturing, it also greatly enhances the cohesion of society as a whole; by making people more empathetic and less self interested.

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The concept of self-compassion…

“…involves being touched by and open to one’s own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate one’s suffering and to heal oneself with kindness. Self-compassion also involves offering non-judgmental understanding to one’s pain, inadequacies and failures, so that one’s experience is seen as part of the larger human experience.” Kristin Neff, University of Texas

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The most important way to conquer self-compassion is to practice mindfulness. This means being aware of what or who has had a destructive influence on our emotions and understanding that our response is justified and valid. Once we approach our pain with kindness and promote a constructive perspective to our struggle, we can begin to heal.

Here are 4 scientifically supported things that will happen when you are capable of self-compassion:

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1. You’ll confront yourself more frankly

Self-compassion allows us to open ourselves up to confronting our pain with patience and sensitivity. It also helps us to regulate our emotions, so that we experience them in a balanced and healthy way. Their intensity and duration are managed and we don’t shy away from them, but at the same time control ourselves from over indulging.

The more notice you take of your feelings and where they fit into the scope of reality, the more mindful you will become.

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2. You’ll be more empathetic to others too

Reflecting on your emotions and the feelings of others enhances your propensity to empathize. You will not only recognize your response to adverse and difficult situations, but you will also learn to be more aware of the suffering of others. Practicing sensitivity becomes a new habit. You no longer compare yourself with envy or begrudge the success of others; you instead take pleasure in others’ accomplishments and lament their losses.

3. You’ll let go more easily

When experiencing adversity, people tend to perceive this as failure and fall into the trap of self criticism. We often compare ourselves to others, which when at a low point, further perpetuates our feelings of inadequacy and disappointment in ourselves. This then becomes cyclical. The worse we judge ourselves, the lower we feel and then denigrate ourselves further.

Self-compassion forces you to let go. You will find peace in your circumstances whether they happen to be pleasant or heartbreaking. Understanding that everything is temporary makes the present moment all the more valuable because it is fleeting. The worst becomes bearable and the best becomes magical.

4. You’ll be more open to change

When you practice self-compassion you will become more flexible and willing to experience all the diversity that life has to offer. You not only look forward to change, you seek it out because this is what growth and development are all about. Change is difficult and requires commitment and energy and when you become willing to expend effort into personal development you also learn how to stop and take stock of your life. Rest is imperative and learning to be still in the present moment long enough to love who and where you are; without indulgence, this is what inner peace feels like.

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Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on June 3, 2020

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

What is success?

Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

1. Success is always doing your best.

Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

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2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

3. Success is having a place to call home.

Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

5. Success is believing you can.

If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

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7. Success is taking care of your needs.

Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

11. Success is overcoming fear.

Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

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12. Success is learning something new each day.

Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

14. Success is loving and being loved back.

Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

16. Success is not giving up.

Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

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17. Success is celebrating small victories.

Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

The Bottom Line

Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

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Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

Reference

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