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4 Things That Happen When You’re Capable Of Self-Compassion (Supported By Science)

4 Things That Happen When You’re Capable Of Self-Compassion (Supported By Science)

Self love is a concept that makes people uneasy. It evokes images of narcissism and selfishness. Recently there has been a shift away from encouraging the enhancement of self esteem, especially in children. It is seen as indulgent and as having a counter productive impact by inflating the ego and making children too focused on their own needs and less interested in the needs and well being of others.

Instead of pandering to the trivial needs of individuals, psychologists are now looking at ways that people can face life’s challenges in a more productive and selfless way. This not only has a beneficial influence on the individual; by making them more resilient and self nurturing, it also greatly enhances the cohesion of society as a whole; by making people more empathetic and less self interested.

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The concept of self-compassion…

“…involves being touched by and open to one’s own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate one’s suffering and to heal oneself with kindness. Self-compassion also involves offering non-judgmental understanding to one’s pain, inadequacies and failures, so that one’s experience is seen as part of the larger human experience.” Kristin Neff, University of Texas

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The most important way to conquer self-compassion is to practice mindfulness. This means being aware of what or who has had a destructive influence on our emotions and understanding that our response is justified and valid. Once we approach our pain with kindness and promote a constructive perspective to our struggle, we can begin to heal.

Here are 4 scientifically supported things that will happen when you are capable of self-compassion:

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1. You’ll confront yourself more frankly

Self-compassion allows us to open ourselves up to confronting our pain with patience and sensitivity. It also helps us to regulate our emotions, so that we experience them in a balanced and healthy way. Their intensity and duration are managed and we don’t shy away from them, but at the same time control ourselves from over indulging.

The more notice you take of your feelings and where they fit into the scope of reality, the more mindful you will become.

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2. You’ll be more empathetic to others too

Reflecting on your emotions and the feelings of others enhances your propensity to empathize. You will not only recognize your response to adverse and difficult situations, but you will also learn to be more aware of the suffering of others. Practicing sensitivity becomes a new habit. You no longer compare yourself with envy or begrudge the success of others; you instead take pleasure in others’ accomplishments and lament their losses.

3. You’ll let go more easily

When experiencing adversity, people tend to perceive this as failure and fall into the trap of self criticism. We often compare ourselves to others, which when at a low point, further perpetuates our feelings of inadequacy and disappointment in ourselves. This then becomes cyclical. The worse we judge ourselves, the lower we feel and then denigrate ourselves further.

Self-compassion forces you to let go. You will find peace in your circumstances whether they happen to be pleasant or heartbreaking. Understanding that everything is temporary makes the present moment all the more valuable because it is fleeting. The worst becomes bearable and the best becomes magical.

4. You’ll be more open to change

When you practice self-compassion you will become more flexible and willing to experience all the diversity that life has to offer. You not only look forward to change, you seek it out because this is what growth and development are all about. Change is difficult and requires commitment and energy and when you become willing to expend effort into personal development you also learn how to stop and take stock of your life. Rest is imperative and learning to be still in the present moment long enough to love who and where you are; without indulgence, this is what inner peace feels like.

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Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.

If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:

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  1. Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
  2. Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
  3. Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
  4. Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
  5. Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
  6. Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
  7. Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
  8. Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
  9. Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
  10. Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
  11. Dress up nicely to feel happier.
  12. Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
  13. Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
  14. Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
  15. Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
  16. Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
  17. Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
  18. Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
  19. Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
  20. Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
  21. Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
  22. Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
  23. Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
  24. Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
  25. Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
  26. Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
  27. Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

Remember:

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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  — Epictetus

If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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