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People Who Suffer From Depression Tell Us How It’s Really Like

People Who Suffer From Depression Tell Us How It’s Really Like

Unless you have suffered from depression, it is impossible to know what it’s really like. Even if you grew up with someone who suffered from it, you don’t know what it’s like to be depressed. You just know what it’s like to live with someone who is depressed.

From the outside looking in, depression looks simple. It looks like a prolonged period of sadness and negativity caused by something obvious or tangible. For happy people, it seems like their friend or family member is choosing to let themselves be dragged down by something rather than fighting for their own happiness.

The truth is that depression is so many things and because of this no one understands it. The best neuroscientists in the world still don’t know for sure what causes depression. They don’t know how it works, why it is so different for everyone or how to cure it.

Thus, the only thing you can rely on is how people experience it. Here is what depression is really like according to those who live with it:

Depression Is Not a Choice

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    If you’re not depressed, you might think that depressed people have a choice in the matter. It seems like you can choose whether you want to get over it or fight it. But the truth is that depression is not something you choose. It doesn’t matter if you’re strong or privileged, depression can hit you whether it makes sense or not.

    In an interview with Elle, Miley Cyrus opened up about how people reacted to her depression: “I’m the most antimedication person, but some people need medicine, and there was a time where I needed some too. So many people look at [my depression] as me being ungrateful, but that is not it—I can’t help it.”

    Depression Is Not Sadness

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      Feeling down or sad is not the same as being depressed. Depression affects your whole body. It’s not just your mind that is difficult but your whole body reacts.

      In a tweet, @suxicidal says, “#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs when simple tasks like getting out of bed, going out, eating, sleeping or showering become a mission.”

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      Life with depression feels less like a gloomy day and more like a Sisyphean effort. Some people struggle to find the mental and physical will to get up and go to the bathroom and perform other necessary functions. That is more than being upset.

      When your whole body is telling you “no” almost every single day, you’re not just sad. You’re depressed. You are not trying to overcome obstacles. You are trying to free climb Everest.

      Depression Is a Daily Challenge

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        Depression is something you wake up with every day.

        Certainly, some days are better than others. Not everyone who is depressed feel that every single day drags them down further. Similarly, a single good day won’t turn their depression around either. In fact, @roxiqt tweeted that “#TheWorstPartOfDepressionIs when you have one good day, people assume you are cured and should be better now. But that’s not how it works.”

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        This sentiment begs the question: does depression ever get easier?  The answer is no.

        Sofia Hansen, a Quora user, said “I feel like people often fail to mention the guilt, shame and how doing “simple” tasks as talking to a friend is exhausting, and that not everyone has the energy to wear a mask.”

        Depression Is Different for Everyone

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          Scientists don’t know what causes depression in different people. Some reports suggest our increasing use of electronics, such as smartphones, which have already been linked to infertility, are the cause of the disorder. Part of this confusion is because people describe their depression so differently. People experience different symptoms depending on their brains, their personal lives and the kind of depression their facing. However, there is one thing that most people can agree on and J.K. Rowling says it perfectly:

          “Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced… It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”

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          Depression is not about being sad or having a series of bad days. Rather, depression is something that hits you like a truck, sometimes without warning. It is not a mix of sadness or happiness. In fact, for some people, it is the negation of all feeling. Depression is not a choice because if given the option, no one would willingly choose depression.

          Next time you think you know what it is like to be depressed, take a step back. Because until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have no idea how hard it is struggle everyday against something as crippling as depression.

          Featured photo credit: ryan melaugh via flickr.com

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          Last Updated on August 13, 2018

          5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

          5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

          Making love can be simultaneously the most pleasurable and the most stressful experience that we share with another human being. It is a natural conclusion of the ritual of intimacy we engage in with a person we find attractive on both a physical and psychological level. Yet, we are far removed from our animalistic roots, and that which was once a matter of instinct has become somewhat complex. This is a good thing; we have grown as a society, and there are many factors involved when it comes to the relationship between sexual partners. However, we have also lost a great deal of the physical prowess our primitive ancestors had.

          They engaged in a huge amount of physical activities daily — activities that ensured their cardiovascular system and muscles were in great shape, which allowed them to have healthy libidos, strong erections, and the muscular strength, limberness and endurance to maintain different positions for a long time without getting exhausted. Luckily, we can regain some of these animalistic traits with the right kind of training. Here are some essential exercises that will help improve your relationship, but making you more confident in intimate settings, which means that you’ll have more satisfying intercourse.

          Don Juan

            1. Cardio for Stamina

            If you’re out of shape, the first thing you’ll notice during intercourse is that you start to breathe heavily, sweat profusely and tire easily. This means you’ll have to shift your posture frequently and limit yourself to a few positions you feel comfortable with or significantly slow down the pace. A high BMI has also been linked to potential problems with erectile dysfunction. Cardiovascular exercises like running, jumping rope, swimming and cycling will build up your aerobic stamina and enable you to perform longer before becoming fatigued, thus having better intercourse. They’ll also help manage your weight, possibly helping performance.

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            Triathlon symbol
              • Running – 10-20 minutes a day (1-3 miles a day is more than enough)
              • Jumping rope – 5-20 minutes a day
              • Swimming – 30 minutes a day
              • Cycling – 30 minutes a day

              The time in minutes denotes time spent actively performing the exercise, and you need to factor in a bit more time for warming up before and cooling down after the exercises.

              These exercises can be performed every day or every other day, and the goal is to work on both endurance and speed. Don’t just go at a snail’s pace; constantly try to improve your time or add some mileage.

              2. Strength-Training for Your Lower Body and Core

              The next thing you’ll need to focus on is improving both the strength and muscular endurance of the hip flexors, abdominals and spinal erectors. These are the muscles engaged in thrusting and circular motions, and they also stabilize your body in a number of different positions. The legs also play an important role, particularly in standing and kneeling positions. Here are a few exercises that will help you strengthen up this area:

              Barbell squats
                • Heavy barbell squats – set up at a power rack at the gym and make sure you use proper form and weights that you can lift 3-8 times. Do this exercise before anything else in the gym for 4-5 sets to get big and powerful legs, as well as tighten up the muscles of the core. This is useful for both men and women, particularly if you enjoy the woman-on-top positions and standing positions. You can do hack squats on the machine if your gym lacks a power rack, but you won’t get the core-strengthening benefits

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                Zercher squat
                  • Zercher squatsthis type of squat is a perfect way for guys to strengthen their body for standing positions where the woman is lifted off the ground. Build up a foundation of strength first, and then use lighter weights and go for 10-12 repetitions to focus on muscle endurance.

                  Glute bridge
                    • Glute bridgethis exercise is great for working the glutes and hip thrusters, and should be done for ultra-high reps —up to 100 — to increase muscle endurance. Once you become stronger in this movement, you can upgrade to the barbell glute bridge and keep the reps high — around 10 to 15.

                    Hyperextensions
                      • Hyperextensions – excellent for strengthening the spinal erectors, this exercise (or a variation of it) may be done in most gyms and even at home. Do 2 to 3 sets of 10 to 12 repetitions at the end of your workout.

                      Ab wheel rollout
                        • Ab wheel rollout – this is a great exercise for strengthening the abs, and requires only a piece of inexpensive equipment. It will help you stay stable and hold positions longer without getting tired during intercourse. Do three sets of this workout for as many repetitions as you can.

                        Cross body crunch
                          • Cross body crunchthis exercise improves your ability to perform explosive twisting motions, particularly good for improving your stamina in the spoon position where you’e lying on your side. Do 2 to 3 sets of this exercise at the end of your workout.

                          Incorporate these exercises into your routine 2 to 3 times a week.

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                          3. Upper-Body Strength Training

                          Upper-body strength plays an important role in many popular sex positions where the arms are used to provide a stable base or hold onto the partner. These including missionary, doggy style, the stand and carry (with the woman holding onto the man’s neck) and others. Use these simple exercises to improve upper body strength and endurance:

                          Plank exercise
                            • Plank – while bench pressing is great for building a big chest, you will find yourself in need of static strength, muscle endurance and a strong core. This exercise is a great way to increase the amount of time you are able to hold positions that require you to support yourself with your arms. For added difficulty, straighten out your arms like at the top of a pushup and hold as long as you can.

                            Close grip pushups
                              • Close pushups – a pushup variation that focuses on triceps, which are the first to give out during a prolonged missionary or similar position. Go for very high reps, 20 t0 50, to work on muscle endurance.

                              Chin ups
                                • Chin-ups – A great upper back and biceps builder, this exercise will also target the core if you try to be as straight as possible when lifting yourself up. You can jump to help make things easier, or just hold as long as you can if you aren’t strong enough to perform a single chin up. Do 3 to 4 sets for as many reps as you can.

                                These exercises, done about three times a week, will help you develop a strong upper body that can keep going and hold you up for extended periods of time.

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                                4. Pelvic-Floor Exercises

                                You don’t have to perform these at the gym, although you could do them after your workout without anyone even noticing. The idea behind Kegel exercises is to improve blood flow to the sex organs and strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor in both men and women. By locating these muscles and tightening and relaxing them for intervals of 5 seconds for 10 to 15 repetitions at a time, several times a day, you can improve pleasure and performance during sex. Women can tighten their vaginal walls for increased pleasure to both them and their partner, while men can delay ejaculation by tightening these muscles.

                                5. Flexibility Moves for Legs and Hips

                                Lion stretching

                                  If you want to avoid getting cramps — or even worse, pulling a muscle during intercourse — you should do a few simple stretches every day. The more limber you are, the more comfortable you’ll be with more exotic poses. Here are a few simple stretches to improve hip and leg flexibility:

                                  Take a few minutes to warm up with some light running or jumping jacks before stretching, and spend some 10 minutes on these stretches. You can do them in the morning and at night, or shortly before intercourse.

                                  With just a few hours a week devoted to exercise, you can improve your relationship significantly. If you focus on these exercises, over time, you just might become dynamite in bed.

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