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What You Definitely Shouldn’t Expect to Gain From a Relationship

What You Definitely Shouldn’t Expect to Gain From a Relationship

There’s nothing wrong with seeking a romantic relationship and wanting to build a partnership with someone who makes your life better. However, it’s a fact of life that even the most independent and strong-minded of us can fall into the trap of looking to a relationship to fulfill all of our personal needs.

Sure, you can (and should!) get a lot from your significant other. However, while you can get a lot of value from a relationship, there are also a few things you should always look to cultivate within and for yourself. Remember this and you’ll not only have the security of being able to rely on yourself should you lose your partner, but you’ll become more attractive in the first place! No-one likes clingy, needy people with no sense of self. It’s far better to be looking to continually improve yourself and present this best possible version of you within your relationship.

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Read on to find out what you shouldn’t expect to gain from your relationship.

1. Self-respect

The clue is in the title! Hopefully, your partner will respect and love you for who you are. However, there is no substitute for authentic self-respect. This has to come from within, and can be developed by honoring your true nature and pursuing your own goals and interests.

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2. Financial stability

If you depend on someone else for your financial well-being, this takes away your personal power. Of course there may be certain points in time—if you stay at home while raising a child, for example—when your partner may be the primary breadwinner, but as a rule, you should always try to maintain your own income stream. It gives you additional power to walk away from an unsatisfying relationship and also keeps the power balance on an even keel.

3. Self-belief

You should pick a partner who believes in you, but it’s a mistake to rely on this person to stand in as a substitute for your own self-belief. Even the most loving, available partner cannot be counted on to provide you with emotional and psychological support 24/7—they have a life too!

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4. Friends

If your partner comes complete with a great group of friends, see this as a bonus! It can be wonderful to meet other people when you start dating a new significant other. However, do not neglect your own social circle. Your friends are your friends for a good reason. You have a shared history with them, and you provide one another with mutual support. Do not overlook them in favor of the excitement that comes with a new relationship.

5. Unconditional acceptance

One of the best things about being in a solid relationship is the feeling that you can be yourself around the other person, and that they accept you despite your flaws. However, this doesn’t mean that you can expect them to agree with your every opinion and never tell you when you’re out of line. In fact, it’s a bad sign if they do, because it implies they either aren’t paying enough attention or are so insecure that they don’t dare disagree and risk losing you!

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6. A substitute parent

If you had a poor relationship with one or both of your parents, make sure that you don’t unconsciously start looking for a partner to serve as substitute. Expecting your partner to provide you with unconditional love, acceptance and instructions for how to live your life is neither realistic nor healthy. You need to accept that if you didn’t receive all this from a parent whilst you were a child, the moment has passed and you cannot hope to find it in an adult partner.

So remember, while it’s fine and healthy to seek romantic companionship or even a “soulmate,” looking for one individual to fulfill your needs is not realistic. Try to maintain a balanced life in which you put time and attention not only into your relationships with others, but into your relationship with yourself.

Featured photo credit: AdinaVoicu/Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

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1. You will be more focused.

    Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

    2. You will be more active.

      Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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      3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

        Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

        4. You will be more creative.

          Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

          5. Your schedule will be your own.

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            Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

            6. You will likely save money.

              Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

              7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                8. You will have more time for your family.

                  Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                  9. You have more time for your friends.

                    Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                    10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                      Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                      11. You'll find more interests.

                        Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                        12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                          Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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