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5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

Being young and in love is awesome. Until it isn’t.

You got married right out of college because you thought true love could be kindled over Natty Lite and existential conversations spurred by Bill Nye’s Twitter feed. Who else in this universe could possibly like both the color royal blue and Chris Pratt? Getting married was the next logical step in this too-good-to-be-true romance.

But then you realize there are important things that you don’t agree on. You want to move away and get a job in the city, your partner wants to stay near their family and have kids. You love to travel, they’d rather spend the weekend watching Netflix. Suddenly “till death do us part” seems like a death sentence.

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If you are part of the unlucky bunch of millennials that got married and divorced before you hit dirty 30, here are 5 ways to move on after a divorce in your 20s.

1. Do what you want.

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    Part of being married is about compromise, and honestly most of the time it means sacrificing your own desires for those of your partner. That might have been okay circa 1950, but today you should do whatever you want. Always wanted to be an erotic painter? Do it. Want to walk the Rainbow Bridge barefoot? Go for it. Those things you’ve always dreamed of doing? Go do them right now!

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    2. Get out.

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      Force yourself to join a book club or a gym. Get a puppy and meet people at the dog park. Become a bingo shark. Read slam poetry at that dive coffee shop. Just do something and put yourself out there. You don’t have to go to the bar to make new friends, but you should get off the couch and pry yourself away from binging on The Blacklist.

      3. Get it all out.

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      crying

        Going skydiving with your brand new friends from the bingo hall is great, but it’s time to step up your game. It’s time to accept that you are alone and that it’s actually okay.

        After my divorce, I went on a solo trip. I cried most of the time, but it was still a time for me to really come to terms with my situation. A time to realign with the world around me and stop feeling sorry for myself.  Give yourself alone time where you can sob/scream/laugh/meditate.

        4. Make mad money.

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        money

          Divorcees are generally in some state of financial ruin. When I got divorced, I was evicted, lost my business, my car was repossessed, and I ultimately filed for bankruptcy — all within a year. I went from making enough money to support a stay-at-home husband and 5 employees to barely being able to support my gas station wine habit. But hard work and some hard choices — like getting rid of my smart phone, driving a 20-year-old car, and living on chicken breasts and bananas — eventually paid off. Do whatever you have to do to get back on your feet. You won’t regret it.

          5. Love again.

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            My heart was scrambled and, consequently, I hated anyone that showed even the slightest interest in me. How could I love someone after what had happened to me?

            Then, I read a life-changing book that essentially said don’t take anything personally. Really? Yes! Once I realized that the way my husband had treated me wasn’t my fault, that it was due to some baggage he was carrying, I could see the world with eyes open wide once more.

            As Al Capone said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Live with a soft heart and thick skin, and those that deserve your love will get it. Those that don’t, won’t.

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            Last Updated on August 21, 2018

            15 Signs You’re an Old Soul and Think Differently

            15 Signs You’re an Old Soul and Think Differently

            If you’ve often felt slightly removed from the worries of today and miss the simplistic life of a time gone by, or somehow feel a little out of sync with what your peers are concerned with, there’s a chance you may be an old soul.

            Being an old soul refers to how you view and approach life.

            Your views echo those of someone much older than you, who has lived a long and fruitful life. You approach life with a greater sense of knowledge and wisdom coupled with a greater sense of inner wealth.

            If you’ve ever met an exasperated 10 year old saying, “Kids today are so…”, or a 28 year old who says, “In my day…”, an awful lot, chances are you’re in the presence of a beautiful old soul. They’re often perplexed, and unable to relate to the things people their own age consider fun, or important, and so feel out of place.

            They look at life through a vignette of experiences they may not have lived, yet, but somehow, just seem to know.

            So if you’ve ever felt like you’ve lived before, and you have a wealth of wisdom you can’t explain, chances are you have been reincarnated—

            —or maybe, you’re just an old soul!

            Here are some tell-tale signs to help you find out if you’re an old soul.

            1. You know there’s another way to do things.

            You often say things like, “I have a feeling this will work”, or “there’s no harm in trying.” People may view your suggestions as outdated or done, but you know that sometimes, just sometimes, the tried and tested ways of doing things are best. Hey, if it ain’t broke…

            You feel that not all problems require a new and innovative solution, and going round in circles when the answer may be staring you in the face is usually a waste of valuable time, and energy.

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            You have no problem trying out new things, but know, too, that oldies can also be goodies.

            2. You give advice well beyond your years.

            You somehow seem to know how to do things you haven’t even done yourself yet. It’s like you’ve lived before, and just know how it all works. People often look at you with that “how do you know?” expression, and you respond with a confident, “I just know!”

            Truth is, you do just know, but don’t know how you know. Those people who come to you for advice, though somewhat freaked out by your amazing prophetic powers to impressively offer solutions and predict outcomes, trust you wholeheartedly and don’t doubt your authenticity.

            3. You like to think things through.

            Even the most impatient of people will need to think things through if they are an old soul at heart. You need that time to maul it over in your head.

            It’s an important part of your to-do process, and it enables you to move forward in the direction most in sync with your mind, body and soul.

            To you, not being able to think things through, even a little, leaves you feeling uneasy, and that does nothing to help.

            4. You don’t waste time asking why.

            After you’ve thought things through, you move ahead, confident in the knowledge that you’ve done all you needed to do to get going.

            You don’t waste time in trying to justify it to yourself or anyone else. You have little time and patience for the nonsensical and would prefer to utilize your time getting things done, rather than sitting around talking about getting things done.

            In the end, you understand that whatever you do, you trust that all things work out just as they are supposed to, and you don’t want to question that wonderful process.

            5. You don’t like to go out just for the sake of going out.

            It’s quality over quantity for you. You love to go out and have fun, but going out because others feel it is required, or you look boring if you don’t, holds no merit for you.

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            When you go out, you’d like to experience something; something that resonates with your way of perceiving the world and challenges you.

            You’ll happily spend money on those things that give you wonderful experiences and broaden your horizons. Going out just because, seems pointless to you; you’d rather save your time, and money, and do something of quality.

            6. You have an appreciation for old literature.

            You respect the classics. You’re often found getting euphorically high off old books. You’ve probably sniffed a good few old books in your time, and you don’t care who sees.

            For you, old literature should be respected and valued; they hold history and historical experience between their pages and deserve to be exalted.

            7. You have old ears.

            You love and appreciate the classics and have a longing for the musicality of those nostalgic tunes. Your record (that’s right, record!) collection looks like a retro music store. Probably only 10% of your collection consists of what you refer to as “nowadays” music, the rest are from decades gone by.

            You know only a handful of today’s artists, and that’s only because you haven’t heard an album yet to rival your favorite Grateful Dead album, or your favorite Frank Sinatra track.

            You don’t go out of your way to avoid modern music, it just doesn’t seem to whet your appetite. So you’ll happily pump your beloved Janis Joplin or Nat King Cole all the way home. Heaven!

            8. You see no need in being unnecessarily stressed.

            You don’t invite drama just because it makes you feel alive, no, you’d much prefer to live without it.

            You appreciate the quiet, and invite peace. It’s become apparent to you that the world views stress and busyness as being productive.

            But you know that being productive has nothing to do with being crazy busy or stressed, but everything to do with how well you utilize your time.

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            So you’re mindful about what you spend your hours doing, and make sure your doing something worthwhile, and not just keeping busy for busy sake.

            9. You love to meet new people.

            To you, talking to people is enriching and adds to your experience of the world. This isn’t because you just can’t help chit chatting, but more so because you are genuinely fascinated by those you share this planet with, who can offer different perspectives.

            You love being able to swap stories with people you’ve only just met. Plus, it also serves to make those trips to the bank all the more interesting!

            10. You value deep connections.

            For you, it’s all about quality over quantity. You require a deeper connection with those around you in order to feel any connection at all.

            Half-hearted friendships, surface-level relationships and fly-by-night hook-ups are not your thing. You value the essence of deeper friendships and long lasting relationships, as you give yourself wholly to them, too.

            11. You love learning.

            Nothing gets you going more than learning more about yourself, other people and the world around you.

            For you learning is growth, and growth is part of life. As an old soul, you approach learning from the understanding that it doesn’t have to lead anywhere, for example, a degree or certificate.

            Sure, those things are great and offer a sense of accomplishment, but for you it’s the act of learning something new and wonderful that motivates you, not the initials after your name!

            12. You don’t see the fuss about the latest craze.

            Following others just to fit in? Where’s the fun in that? To you, being a style chaser or tech follower is something you can never quite get your head around.

            Sure you may even own a Kindle or you may have an iPad, but now they sit there, gathering dust, because you miss the feel (and smell) or the real thing, and computer works just fine.

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            You don’t really care whether you’re an early adopter or a late comer. None of the things defines you, and you’re okay with that.

            13. You value the company of those much older than you.

            You want to drink in their wisdom and you hang on their every word as they tell you stories of their youth. You laugh at their accounts of old trends, and cry at the war stories, you reminisce with them about long lost loves, and actually listen to their pearls of wisdom.

            At a time when we seem to have less and less time for the more mature among us, the old soul has nothing but time to give. That’s because you appreciate what they have to share, and let’s be honest, you secretly wish for a time when life seemed so simple.

            14. You are the epitome of calm.

            You are the steadfast one, the one neither swayed, nor toppled, even in a crisis. You probably say things like, “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast,” and tell people to “Get a grip!”

            To everyone else, you appear disconnected, but to those who know you well, you’re actually hard at work, you just work differently.

            You’ve learned that nothing actually gets done if everyone is running around losing their heads; someone needs to be the calm force. This is just how you make sense of what is happening.

            You stop. Wait. Listen. Then decide what steps to take next.

            15. You truly understand what it means to give.

            To you, there’s no better way to live, than to give.

            Giving your time, or money or those things you simply have no need for is the most rewarding thing anyone can do with their short time on earth. It isn’t an ego thing, far from it.

            For you, giving is the purest act of love. Plus, you see no point in holding on to things you cant take with you, so you’re more than happy to travel light!

            Featured photo credit: Portrait of fashionable well dressed man with beard posing outdoors looking away, confident and focused mature man in coat standing outside at sunny evening, elegant fashion model via shutterstock.com

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