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5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

Being young and in love is awesome. Until it isn’t.

You got married right out of college because you thought true love could be kindled over Natty Lite and existential conversations spurred by Bill Nye’s Twitter feed. Who else in this universe could possibly like both the color royal blue and Chris Pratt? Getting married was the next logical step in this too-good-to-be-true romance.

But then you realize there are important things that you don’t agree on. You want to move away and get a job in the city, your partner wants to stay near their family and have kids. You love to travel, they’d rather spend the weekend watching Netflix. Suddenly “till death do us part” seems like a death sentence.

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If you are part of the unlucky bunch of millennials that got married and divorced before you hit dirty 30, here are 5 ways to move on after a divorce in your 20s.

1. Do what you want.

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    Part of being married is about compromise, and honestly most of the time it means sacrificing your own desires for those of your partner. That might have been okay circa 1950, but today you should do whatever you want. Always wanted to be an erotic painter? Do it. Want to walk the Rainbow Bridge barefoot? Go for it. Those things you’ve always dreamed of doing? Go do them right now!

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    2. Get out.

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      Force yourself to join a book club or a gym. Get a puppy and meet people at the dog park. Become a bingo shark. Read slam poetry at that dive coffee shop. Just do something and put yourself out there. You don’t have to go to the bar to make new friends, but you should get off the couch and pry yourself away from binging on The Blacklist.

      3. Get it all out.

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      crying

        Going skydiving with your brand new friends from the bingo hall is great, but it’s time to step up your game. It’s time to accept that you are alone and that it’s actually okay.

        After my divorce, I went on a solo trip. I cried most of the time, but it was still a time for me to really come to terms with my situation. A time to realign with the world around me and stop feeling sorry for myself.  Give yourself alone time where you can sob/scream/laugh/meditate.

        4. Make mad money.

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        money

          Divorcees are generally in some state of financial ruin. When I got divorced, I was evicted, lost my business, my car was repossessed, and I ultimately filed for bankruptcy — all within a year. I went from making enough money to support a stay-at-home husband and 5 employees to barely being able to support my gas station wine habit. But hard work and some hard choices — like getting rid of my smart phone, driving a 20-year-old car, and living on chicken breasts and bananas — eventually paid off. Do whatever you have to do to get back on your feet. You won’t regret it.

          5. Love again.

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            My heart was scrambled and, consequently, I hated anyone that showed even the slightest interest in me. How could I love someone after what had happened to me?

            Then, I read a life-changing book that essentially said don’t take anything personally. Really? Yes! Once I realized that the way my husband had treated me wasn’t my fault, that it was due to some baggage he was carrying, I could see the world with eyes open wide once more.

            As Al Capone said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Live with a soft heart and thick skin, and those that deserve your love will get it. Those that don’t, won’t.

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            Last Updated on January 21, 2020

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

            Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

            So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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            1. Listen

            Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

            2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

            Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

            “Why do you want to do that?”

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            “What makes you so excited about it?”

            “How long has that been your dream?”

            You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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            3. Encourage

            This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

            4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

            After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

            5. Dream

            This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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            6. Ask How You Can Help

            Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

            7. Follow Up

            Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

            Final Thoughts

            By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

            Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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            Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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