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5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

Being young and in love is awesome. Until it isn’t.

You got married right out of college because you thought true love could be kindled over Natty Lite and existential conversations spurred by Bill Nye’s Twitter feed. Who else in this universe could possibly like both the color royal blue and Chris Pratt? Getting married was the next logical step in this too-good-to-be-true romance.

But then you realize there are important things that you don’t agree on. You want to move away and get a job in the city, your partner wants to stay near their family and have kids. You love to travel, they’d rather spend the weekend watching Netflix. Suddenly “till death do us part” seems like a death sentence.

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If you are part of the unlucky bunch of millennials that got married and divorced before you hit dirty 30, here are 5 ways to move on after a divorce in your 20s.

1. Do what you want.

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    Part of being married is about compromise, and honestly most of the time it means sacrificing your own desires for those of your partner. That might have been okay circa 1950, but today you should do whatever you want. Always wanted to be an erotic painter? Do it. Want to walk the Rainbow Bridge barefoot? Go for it. Those things you’ve always dreamed of doing? Go do them right now!

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    2. Get out.

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      Force yourself to join a book club or a gym. Get a puppy and meet people at the dog park. Become a bingo shark. Read slam poetry at that dive coffee shop. Just do something and put yourself out there. You don’t have to go to the bar to make new friends, but you should get off the couch and pry yourself away from binging on The Blacklist.

      3. Get it all out.

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      crying

        Going skydiving with your brand new friends from the bingo hall is great, but it’s time to step up your game. It’s time to accept that you are alone and that it’s actually okay.

        After my divorce, I went on a solo trip. I cried most of the time, but it was still a time for me to really come to terms with my situation. A time to realign with the world around me and stop feeling sorry for myself.  Give yourself alone time where you can sob/scream/laugh/meditate.

        4. Make mad money.

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        money

          Divorcees are generally in some state of financial ruin. When I got divorced, I was evicted, lost my business, my car was repossessed, and I ultimately filed for bankruptcy — all within a year. I went from making enough money to support a stay-at-home husband and 5 employees to barely being able to support my gas station wine habit. But hard work and some hard choices — like getting rid of my smart phone, driving a 20-year-old car, and living on chicken breasts and bananas — eventually paid off. Do whatever you have to do to get back on your feet. You won’t regret it.

          5. Love again.

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            My heart was scrambled and, consequently, I hated anyone that showed even the slightest interest in me. How could I love someone after what had happened to me?

            Then, I read a life-changing book that essentially said don’t take anything personally. Really? Yes! Once I realized that the way my husband had treated me wasn’t my fault, that it was due to some baggage he was carrying, I could see the world with eyes open wide once more.

            As Al Capone said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Live with a soft heart and thick skin, and those that deserve your love will get it. Those that don’t, won’t.

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            Last Updated on July 18, 2019

            What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

            What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

            Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

            They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

            It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

            1. They Manage Their Expectations

            They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

            2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

            Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

            3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

            Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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            4. They’re Not Materialistic

            There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

            5. They Don’t Dwell

            They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

            6. They Care About Themselves First

            They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

            They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

            7. They Enjoy the Little Things

            They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

            8. They Can Adapt

            They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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            9. They Experiment

            They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

            10. They Take Their Time

            They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

            11. They Employ Different Perspectives

            They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

            12. They Seek to Learn

            Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

            13. They Always Have a Plan

            They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

            14. They Give Respect to Get It

            They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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            15. They Consider Every Opportunity

            They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

            16. They Always Seek to Improve

            Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

            17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

            They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

            18. They Live in the Moment

            They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

            You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

            19. They Say Yes

            Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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            20. They’re Self-Aware

            Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

            We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

            Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

            Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

            Final Thoughts

            The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

            For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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            Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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