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5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

Being young and in love is awesome. Until it isn’t.

You got married right out of college because you thought true love could be kindled over Natty Lite and existential conversations spurred by Bill Nye’s Twitter feed. Who else in this universe could possibly like both the color royal blue and Chris Pratt? Getting married was the next logical step in this too-good-to-be-true romance.

But then you realize there are important things that you don’t agree on. You want to move away and get a job in the city, your partner wants to stay near their family and have kids. You love to travel, they’d rather spend the weekend watching Netflix. Suddenly “till death do us part” seems like a death sentence.

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If you are part of the unlucky bunch of millennials that got married and divorced before you hit dirty 30, here are 5 ways to move on after a divorce in your 20s.

1. Do what you want.

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    Part of being married is about compromise, and honestly most of the time it means sacrificing your own desires for those of your partner. That might have been okay circa 1950, but today you should do whatever you want. Always wanted to be an erotic painter? Do it. Want to walk the Rainbow Bridge barefoot? Go for it. Those things you’ve always dreamed of doing? Go do them right now!

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    2. Get out.

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      Force yourself to join a book club or a gym. Get a puppy and meet people at the dog park. Become a bingo shark. Read slam poetry at that dive coffee shop. Just do something and put yourself out there. You don’t have to go to the bar to make new friends, but you should get off the couch and pry yourself away from binging on The Blacklist.

      3. Get it all out.

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      crying

        Going skydiving with your brand new friends from the bingo hall is great, but it’s time to step up your game. It’s time to accept that you are alone and that it’s actually okay.

        After my divorce, I went on a solo trip. I cried most of the time, but it was still a time for me to really come to terms with my situation. A time to realign with the world around me and stop feeling sorry for myself.  Give yourself alone time where you can sob/scream/laugh/meditate.

        4. Make mad money.

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        money

          Divorcees are generally in some state of financial ruin. When I got divorced, I was evicted, lost my business, my car was repossessed, and I ultimately filed for bankruptcy — all within a year. I went from making enough money to support a stay-at-home husband and 5 employees to barely being able to support my gas station wine habit. But hard work and some hard choices — like getting rid of my smart phone, driving a 20-year-old car, and living on chicken breasts and bananas — eventually paid off. Do whatever you have to do to get back on your feet. You won’t regret it.

          5. Love again.

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            My heart was scrambled and, consequently, I hated anyone that showed even the slightest interest in me. How could I love someone after what had happened to me?

            Then, I read a life-changing book that essentially said don’t take anything personally. Really? Yes! Once I realized that the way my husband had treated me wasn’t my fault, that it was due to some baggage he was carrying, I could see the world with eyes open wide once more.

            As Al Capone said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Live with a soft heart and thick skin, and those that deserve your love will get it. Those that don’t, won’t.

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            Last Updated on September 12, 2019

            12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

            12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

            Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

            While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

            What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

            Here are 12 things to remember:

            1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

            The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

            However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

            We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

            Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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            2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

            You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

            Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

            Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

            3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

            Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

            Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

            4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

            Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

            No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

            5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

            Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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            Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

            6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

            Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

            Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

            Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

            7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

            Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

            Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

            And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

            8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

            When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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            Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

            9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

            Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

            Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

            Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

            10. Journal During This Time

            Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

            This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

            11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

            It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

            The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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            Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

            12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

            The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

            Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

            When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

            Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

            Final Thoughts

            Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

            Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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            Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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