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5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

5 Ways To Move On After A Divorce In Your 20s

Being young and in love is awesome. Until it isn’t.

You got married right out of college because you thought true love could be kindled over Natty Lite and existential conversations spurred by Bill Nye’s Twitter feed. Who else in this universe could possibly like both the color royal blue and Chris Pratt? Getting married was the next logical step in this too-good-to-be-true romance.

But then you realize there are important things that you don’t agree on. You want to move away and get a job in the city, your partner wants to stay near their family and have kids. You love to travel, they’d rather spend the weekend watching Netflix. Suddenly “till death do us part” seems like a death sentence.

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If you are part of the unlucky bunch of millennials that got married and divorced before you hit dirty 30, here are 5 ways to move on after a divorce in your 20s.

1. Do what you want.

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    Part of being married is about compromise, and honestly most of the time it means sacrificing your own desires for those of your partner. That might have been okay circa 1950, but today you should do whatever you want. Always wanted to be an erotic painter? Do it. Want to walk the Rainbow Bridge barefoot? Go for it. Those things you’ve always dreamed of doing? Go do them right now!

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    2. Get out.

    party

      Force yourself to join a book club or a gym. Get a puppy and meet people at the dog park. Become a bingo shark. Read slam poetry at that dive coffee shop. Just do something and put yourself out there. You don’t have to go to the bar to make new friends, but you should get off the couch and pry yourself away from binging on The Blacklist.

      3. Get it all out.

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      crying

        Going skydiving with your brand new friends from the bingo hall is great, but it’s time to step up your game. It’s time to accept that you are alone and that it’s actually okay.

        After my divorce, I went on a solo trip. I cried most of the time, but it was still a time for me to really come to terms with my situation. A time to realign with the world around me and stop feeling sorry for myself.  Give yourself alone time where you can sob/scream/laugh/meditate.

        4. Make mad money.

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        money

          Divorcees are generally in some state of financial ruin. When I got divorced, I was evicted, lost my business, my car was repossessed, and I ultimately filed for bankruptcy — all within a year. I went from making enough money to support a stay-at-home husband and 5 employees to barely being able to support my gas station wine habit. But hard work and some hard choices — like getting rid of my smart phone, driving a 20-year-old car, and living on chicken breasts and bananas — eventually paid off. Do whatever you have to do to get back on your feet. You won’t regret it.

          5. Love again.

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            My heart was scrambled and, consequently, I hated anyone that showed even the slightest interest in me. How could I love someone after what had happened to me?

            Then, I read a life-changing book that essentially said don’t take anything personally. Really? Yes! Once I realized that the way my husband had treated me wasn’t my fault, that it was due to some baggage he was carrying, I could see the world with eyes open wide once more.

            As Al Capone said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Live with a soft heart and thick skin, and those that deserve your love will get it. Those that don’t, won’t.

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            Last Updated on July 3, 2020

            30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

            30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

            In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

            1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

            Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

            2. Focus on your breath

            Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

            3. Get organized and purge old items

            A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

            4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

            Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

            5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

            Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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            6. Smile more

            Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

            7. Don’t worry about the future

            As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

            8. Eat real food

            The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

            9. Choose being happy over being right

            Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

            10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

            Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

            11. Make use of filtering features on social media

            You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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            12. Get comfortable with silence

            When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

            13. Listen to understand, not to respond

            So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

            14. Put your troubles in a bubble

            Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

            15. Speak more slowly

            Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

            16. Don’t procrastinate

            Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

            17. Buy a coloring book

            Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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            18. Prioritize yourself

            You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

            19. Forgive others

            Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

            20. Check your expectations

            Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

            21. Engage in active play

            Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

            22. Stop criticizing yourself

            The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

            23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

            Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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            24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

            Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

            25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

            Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

            26. Manage your money

            Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

            27. Stop trying to control everything

            Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

            28. Practice affirmations

            Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

            29. Get up before sunrise

            Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

            30. Be yourself

            Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

            Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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