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This Is Why It’s Really Great To Make Friends With Boyish Girls

This Is Why It’s Really Great To Make Friends With Boyish Girls

Not all girls enjoy shopping at the mall, getting their nails done and gossiping about their friends; there are, in fact, girls who act kind of boyish.

When most people think of boyish girls they might imagine someone who wears a baseball cap with a ponytail sticking out, a plaid shirt and baggy cut-off shorts. Or a girl who hates makeup, love sports and is maybe even a little insensitive. I’m sure you aren’t surprised that there are a lot of stereotypes around boyish girls, (also known as tomboys).

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As a full-fledged boyish girl, I know what it’s like to be misunderstood. Since middle school I’ve been asked repeatedly if I’m a lesbian because I act like a dude: I have a crude sense of humour, poor posture, prefer short hair (because it’s easier to maintain, duh), hate wearing skirts and dresses, and I love getting my hands dirty (I’m not afraid of spiders, or picking up ooey-gooey things). But just because I’m into video games and prefer denim over lace doesn’t mean I’m any less of a woman than a girly-girl.

In fact, boyish girls have a lot of positive traits that everyone can appreciate.

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They’re Playful

Boyish girls are really playful people. They love getting in the game, whether it’s a friendly touch football match or an all out competition on Xbox. Not only are they willing to jump into sports and video games, but they love to joke around, egging you on to race them, encouraging play fights and even joining in on poker night. These ladies love being invited out to hit a few balls or catch a game at the local sports bar.

They’re Low Maintenance

Some girls can take hours getting ready to go out, but boyish girls are quick to leave the house. Although many boyish girls still enjoy dressing up and doing their makeup, they typically keep it much more simple and minimal compared to their girly friends (while still looking hot). Despite what a lot of people think, boyish girls do enjoy getting dolled up now and then; it’s just that we realize a little bit of mascara and lip gloss can go a long way, and tights jeans paired with a sexy top is just as attractive (and a lot more practical) than a slinky dress.

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They’re Easygoing

While a stereotypical girly girl is not only high-maintenance in her appearance, but also her personality, boyish girls are often a lot more easygoing. They’re comfortable being themselves and therefore more relaxed in their behavior and moods. A lot of girls (and guys) appreciate this quality because it makes boyish girls really easy to talk to. Instead of getting you all worked up over some “dramatic: situation, they’re more likely to help you calm down and see things more clearly.

They’re Adventurous

Boyish girls love adventure! They enjoy the outdoors, travel and trying new things, because, really, what’s the worst that could happen? (Remember they’re also easygoing.) Their adventurous spirit can be a good thing, not only because it’s fun for other adventurous people, but because they help bring their more timid friends out their comfort zones.

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They Have a Great Sense of Humor

And, of course, boyish girls love to laugh! They can find the humour in almost anything from slapstick comedy to crude stand-up, and when they laugh, they genuinely laugh, without trying to hold it in or stifle their giggles. While some boyish girls can take their humor too far (I’ve been known to), their sense of humor is usually well appreciated by their friends and family.

Just because boyish girls are a little, well, boyish, doesn’t mean they don’t make great gal pals or that they’re necessarily secretly a lesbian; they simply enjoy different things and should be appreciated for it.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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