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If You’ve Found a Nerd, Congratulations!

If You’ve Found a Nerd, Congratulations!

If you find you are looking at someone close to you and noticing that they are a bit of a nerd, then you may just be in luck. Having a nerd to love and rely on may be the best thing that has happened to you in a long time. Nerds are often given a bad rap but there is much more to nerds that you may give credit to.

Nerds can be socially awkward as they tend to shy away from situations that demand a socially outgoing presence. Nerdy people sometimes speak about things that you may not be able to relate to and this may make you view them as eccentric and difficult to talk to. Nerds are not always interested in trendy fashion or the latest gossip and this can sometimes cause you to believe that they are not exciting. But, there is more than meets the eye.

They’re so clever

Often nerds are so clever that it causes them to think and see things differently. You may approach a problem or a situation in a direct and straight forward manner, but a nerd will think outside the box and come up with creative solutions and ideas. Their ability to find answers to problems you thought you would never solve will leave you admiring their ingenuity.

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They have a quirky perspective

The quirkiness of nerds gives them a unique perspective on things, people and situations. They may leave you wondering: Why did I never notice that before? They can open your eyes to a whole new world.

They have crazy imagination

Nerds are highly imaginative. They will often blow you away with their imagination and leave you wondering: How did they think of that? You will marvel at the scenes and scenarios they create in their heads.

They’re resourceful.

Nerds know how to make the most of the materials and resources they have at their disposal and may surprise you with their shrewdness. They may come up with wacky inventions from things they have lying around the house and this will leave you laughing and amazed.

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They don’t follow social standards

Nerds do not conform to societal standards and as such can be candid in their approach to life. When you get to know a nerd you appreciate their sincerity and truthfulness. In an age when there is a lot of pretense a nerd can bring a refreshing frankness to a situation or conversation. It is a great thing to have someone around how you know is going to tell you the truth; no matter what!

They influence you a lot

Nerds can have a very positive influence on you. Nerds can teach you how to be true to yourself and how not to be overly influenced by external pressures and demands. You can learn from a nerd’s quirkiness. You can learn to see your nerd’s eccentricity as an asset and, as such, see the value in your own quirks and idiosyncrasies. By observing how a nerd relates to others with honesty and openness, you can internalize and practice these virtues.

They can enjoy themselves

A nerd may decide to go to a coffee shop by themselves. Sometimes they may not feel like talking to anyone and as such prefer their own company. This can be a very refreshing and rewarding experience as they do not have the pressure of keeping up with conversation or making a good impression. They can simply sit and enjoy their coffee while taking in their pleasant surroundings.

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They’re enthusiastic

At work a nerd might volunteer to take on a new project. They may have many exciting and unique ideas that they believe will make the project great. Their enthusiasm and ingenious way of looking at things will most likely be well received by their boss.

Often a nerd will take time out of their busy schedule to be attentive to other people’s needs. They may on impulse decide to take you out to a movie one evening. Nerds can be surprising with their spontaneity and generosity.

If you are fortunate enough to have a nerd in your life, then keep them close. They are a rare find and it is worth holding on to them.

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Featured photo credit: assets entrepreneur via assets.entrepreneur.com

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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