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8 Things That People Who Can’t Stop Talking To Themselves Can Highly Relate To

8 Things That People Who Can’t Stop Talking To Themselves Can Highly Relate To

Often you want to push yourself to be more productive. You want to stop talking to yourself sometimes. You want a quiet mind. But it’s extremely hard. Thoughts pop out here and there, related to past, present and future.

“Oh you look great today, what happened to you last night?” I said to myself in the morning.

“What a sunny day! What if I can be one of the clouds and float in the blue sky?” I asked myself.

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Though sometimes such behavior is non-controllable. There’re advantages too. One of them is that it makes me feel calm.

Below are the reasons it happens a lot, how it helps, the struggles we encounter.

1. Memories and relationships are of particular importance.

You value memories of good times and positive relationship that you have in your life. You hold these things dear and do not take them for granted. You often find it pleasing to think about memories you have of recent events or conversations you have shared with friends and family. As memories and relationships are very important to you, you value keeping these alive and fresh in your mind. By saying things out loud you are able to remember the event or person more vividly and this helps you to clearly reminisceov about pleasant times and positive connections.

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2. You mind works non-stop; you constantly have new ideas and thoughts.

Your mind is on constant overdrive. Your thoughts run around your head like a whirl wind. By verbalizing some of these ideas you are able to slow your thoughts down a bit and focus on one thing at a time. Hearing what you are thinking makes things clearer and easier to decipher.

3. You’re a drama queen; you play out dramatic scenarios in your mind.

You experienced lots of drama running through your mind, which you yourself create. You’re the one who writes the script, directs the action, starts in the show and acts as the audience. By controlling all of the elements you can create your reality as you would like it to be. Talking to yourself makes your personal dramatic ‘play’ all the more real. Once more you are also your own audience; always attentive.

4. You have a consultant in your head.

You always have someone who you can consult; yourself. You are always present and able to provide yourself with feedback and advice. By speaking to yourself out loud you can internalize your issues and problems better and as such can be a better consultant. The advice you have to offer yourself can be more pointed when you respond to information that is verbalized.

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5. You experience memory lapse.

memory loss

    You often find yourself drifting off in conversation and can forget what others have said. When people are having a discussion your mind is sometimes off in other places processing a lot of other information. You find it hard to stay focused and pay attention to what is happening around you. Often you are conversing with yourself and this distracts you from what is going on around you.

    6. You self-reflect a lot.

    You like to reflect on qualities you hold and attributes that you would like to possess. You can at times be critical when you see things in yourself that you do not like but you also like to praise yourself when you feel that you are doing well. By talking out loud it helps you internalize things you notice about yourself. Being able to hear what you think about attributes you possess and characteristics you would like to have makes it easier for you to come to terms with these things.

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    7. Your empathy can hurt you sometimes.

    As you’re very empathetic and sometimes you find yourself overly sad when you see other people struggling or in pain. You find it difficult to get out of this sad place even if nothing has directly happened to you. You sometimes see that it is useful to talk to yourself through painful experiences. You find it comforting to hear your own voice and can often sooth yourself through self talk.

    8. You have lots of fantastic or strange ideas that can stun people around you.

    You have a lot of radical and fantastic ideas that can often shock your friends and family. You think outside the box and this can sometimes surprise others. At times you find it best to run your extreme ideas past yourself before revealing them to others. You like to see how these ideas sound when you say them out loud. If they appear to be too out there you sometimes decide it is best to keep them to yourself.

    Talking to yourself is a unique trait that is sometimes misunderstood, but in actual fact it can be a very useful and reassuring virtue.

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    Rebecca Beris

    Rebecca is a wellness and lifestyle writer at Lifehack.

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    Last Updated on January 24, 2021

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

    For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

    But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

    It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

    And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

    The Importance of Saying No

    When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

    In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

    Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

    Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

    Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

    “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

    When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

    How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

    It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

    From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

    We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

    And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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    At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

    The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

    How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

    Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

    But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

    3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

    1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

    Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

    If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

    2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

    When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

    Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

    3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

    When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

    6 Ways to Start Saying No

    Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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    1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

    One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

    Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

    2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

    Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

    Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

    3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

    Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

    Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

    You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

    4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

    Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

    Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

    5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

    When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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    How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

      Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

      Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

      6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

      If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

      Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

      Final Thoughts

      Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

      Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

      Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

      More Tips on How to Say No

      Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
      [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
      [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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