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How To Have A Good Relationship With Yourself

How To Have A Good Relationship With Yourself

Often there comes a time in life when you miss the person that you used to be. Maybe you have noticed that you have become more quiet and withdrawn, or maybe you have become more pessimistic.

This is normal and natural; you have a relationship with yourself, and relationships are not always perfect. We live in a society that often tells us to better ourselves in many ways, which can result in people struggling to love themselves.

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You spend every day with yourself, so to be truly happy it is important to have a loving and respectful relationship with yourself. Check out 8 things you can do to make sure you have a good relationship with yourself.

1. Do one thing that makes you happy every day

From having a hot bubble bath to watching your favorite show on Netflix, try to do something alone every day that you really enjoy. This will help you to look forward to spending time alone with yourself, and during these times you will learn more about who you are as a person.

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2. Start a new hobby

Can you think of a hobby that you’ve always wanted to learn? From cooking to yoga to salsa, learning a new skill will help to increase your self-esteem and self-worth, showing you how much you have to offer to the world.

3. Take yourself out on a date

Dating is a great way to get to know someone, including yourself. Try treating yourself to a perfect night out; put on your favorite outfit, book a table at your favorite restaurant, and order a meal that you love. Stroll home at your own pace; remember this date is all about you.

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4. Laugh every day

Laughing every day releases chemicals that boost your mood, so ring your funniest friend or listen to a comedy podcast. This will improve your overall outlook, helping you to have a better perspective on life – and yourself.

5. Spend time with people who are likeminded

Humans are pretty unique, which often results in people feeling lonely and isolated. If you mainly associate with people who you have little in common with, you can start to think that your interests are dull or strange.
Try spending time with other people who have similar interests so that you can grow together. Realizing that you are not alone will help you to fall in love with your uniqueness.

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6. Go for a walk outside

If you feel like you don’t really know who you are anymore, going for a walk outside may help. Exercise has been proven to help boost your mood and your health, which results in increased energy and better sleeping habits.
Being outside will also benefit you; it will help you to realize how wonderful and beautiful the world around you is. This moving reflection will help you to make peace with yourself and the world around you.

7. Write a weekly gratitude list

At the end of each week, sit down and write down 7 things that you are grateful for. Often we take things for granted without realizing how lucky we actually are. You can list anything, from your family to a delicious bagel you ate before work. Life is filled with things that bring joy, and making a note of them will help to make you happier with your life and yourself.

8. Say positive things to yourself every day

If you want to have a better relationship with yourself, try saying positive affirmations in the mirror every morning and evening, such as “I love who I am” and “You deserve happiness.” You may feel a little cheesy to begin with, but your mind will be listening. Keep saying the affirmations and eventually you will start to believe they are true. Good luck!

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

The Art of Humble Confidence

The Art of Humble Confidence

To be confident or not to be confident, that is the question. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been a bit confused about all this discussion about the subject of confidence. Do you really need to be more confident or should you try to be more humble? I think the answer is both – you just have to know where to use it.

East VS West – Confidence, It’s a Cultural Thing

In typical Western countries, the answer to the confidence debate is obvious – more is better. Our heros are rebellious, independent and shoot first, ask questions later. I think this snippet of dialog from The Matrix sums it up best:

Agent Smith – “We’re willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we’re asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.”
Neo – “Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger”
[He does]
Neo -“ …and you give me my phone call.”

In Eastern countries, the tone is often considerably different. Elders are supposed to be revered not dismissed. The words ‘guru,’ meaning a teacher, and the philosophy of dharma, loosely translated to mean ‘duty,’ come from here. In Eastern cultures humility and respect are more important than confidence.

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These perspectives are generalizations, but it shows how the confidence debate goes back deep into our culture. I think that both extremes of pure confidence or pure humility are misguided. Instead of rectifying this situation by simply blending the two: becoming somewhat humble, somewhat confident all the time, I believe the answer is to know when to be confident and when to be humble.

Humble Confidence – Know When to Use It

I’m going to make another broad generalization. I believe that virtually every relationship you are going to have is going to fit into one of two major archetypes, either master or student. In peer relationships this master/student role may switch frequently, but it is extremely rare that the relationship never leans to one side.

In the master role, you are displaying confidence to get what you want. This is public speaker, leader or seducer. Being the master has advantages. You have more control and ability to influence from this role.

The student role is the opposite. You are intentionally displaying humility. This is the student, disciple or follower. Being the student has advantages too. You can learn a lot more in this role and are more likely to win the trust of the other person.

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Know When to Shut Up and Learn

If you are a typical Westerner, you are probably already thinking about which role you prefer. Being the leader is great. You get respect and a higher status. Most of all you get a greater degree of control.

But the problem is that you can’t and shouldn’t always try to be the leader. Trying to assume that role without the skills, resources or status to back it up will lead to conflict. More importantly, there are many times when you purposely want to display humility. Some of the benefits to the student role include:

  • You learn more.
  • Smooths relationships.
  • Makes others more willing to lend a helping hand.

Knowing when taking the humble route is to your advantage. It is far easier to get mentors and advisors if you use humility rather than arrogance. A small sacrifice to your ego can open up the potential to learn a lot.

Confidence to Persuade, Humility to Learn

In reality almost no relationship is as clearly defined as master/student. Within our connections, people have overlapping areas of expertise. I might be an expert in blogging to a non-blogger, but they might be an expert in finance. In each area there are different roles to take.

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Before any interaction ask yourself what the purpose is. Are you trying to learn or persuade?

Persuasion requires confidence. If you are trying to sell, instruct or lead you need to display the confidence to match your message. But learning requires humility. You won’t learn anything if you are constantly arguing with your professors, mentors or employers. Taking a dose of humility and temporarily making yourself a student gives you the opportunity to absorb.

Persuade Less, Learn More

Persuasion is great for immediate effect, but learning matters over the long-haul. Instead of washing over all your communication with pure confidence, look for opportunities to learn. Persuading someone to follow you may give you an immediate boost of satisfaction, but it doesn’t last. Learning, however, is an investment for the future.

Whenever I make a connection with someone and realize they have a skill or understanding I want, I am careful to express humility in that area. That means listening with what they say even if I don’t immediately agree and being patient with their response. This method often drastically cuts down the time I need to spend on trial and error to learn by myself.

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Confidence/Humility Doesn’t Replace Communication Skills

This approach of selectively using confidence and humility for different purposes doesn’t replace communication skills. Humility isn’t going to work if the other person thinks you’re an irritating whiner. Confidence won’t work if the entire room thinks you are an arrogant jerk. Knowing how to display these two qualities takes practice.

The next time you are about to enter into an interaction ask yourself why you are doing it. Are you trying to persuade or learn? Depending on which you can take a completely different tact for far better results.

Featured photo credit: BBH Singapore via unsplash.com

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