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48 Men Tell Us Things They’ve Been Hearing Too Much In Their Lives

48 Men Tell Us Things They’ve Been Hearing Too Much In Their Lives

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    As feminists gain more and more rights for women, and as minorities fight tooth and nail for equality, it is easy to ignore the pain and shame most men endure as they grow up. Fortunately, these 48 men were brave enough to tell Huffington Post exactly what cruel, cutting phrases they hear too much. Here are the lessons they shared with us:

    1. Toys should never be gender-specific.

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      2. Colors, neither.

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        3. Everyone has the right to show his or her emotions.

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          4. Strength is important ― but there is more to a person than how much he or she can lift.

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            5. Any fist can hurt, no matter who that fist belongs to — but words can hurt more.

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              6. This should be a compliment, not an insult.

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                7. Asking questions should be informative, not insensitive and cruel.

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                  8. No one should be subjected to such tactless peer pressure.

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                    9. Because there is more to life.

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                      10. Giving and receiving love from one’s mother should be cherished, not scorned.

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                        11. Just as women come in all shapes and sizes, men don’t conform to a single body type.

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                          12. Hair (or lack thereof) does not determine a person’s worth.

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                            13. It is bad enough reducing a woman to body parts, but forcing men into one of two groups is painful.

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                              14. Having sex is an inherently personal choice, not a marker of social success.

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                                15. In fact, nice guys usually lead the happiest and most fulfilling lives.

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                                  16. Your dating style is determined by your personality (and maybe your sign), not what others tell you.

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                                    17. Gender is no excuse for bad behavior.

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                                      18. Everyone knows the brightly colored drinks are the tastiest.

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                                        19. It is shameful that finding a caring and compex man is a source of surprise.

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                                          20. Again, comparing a man to a woman as an insult is inappropriate.

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                                            21. Enforcing heteronormative roles is naïve and insenstive.

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                                              22. What happened to ‘size doesn’t matter?’

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                                                23. Only you and your partner have the right to an opinion regarding your sexual encounter.

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                                                  24. This is ignorant.

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                                                    25. This is malicious on so many levels.

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                                                      26. As if your girlfiend can’t decide for herself whom she can speak with.

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                                                        27. Violence is never, never, appropriate, and violence never, never, shows your worth.

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                                                          28. This term is offensive to anyone, no matter your gender.

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                                                            29. The history of this insult is much more brutal than you might know.

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                                                              30. Does anyone actually know what this means?

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                                                                31. Face it: Everyone loves Adele, and no one should be abused for it.

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                                                                  32. It’s unreasonable to assume that anyone could keep a dry eye during ‘Up.’

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                                                                    33. Because free speech applies to everyone, even women in relationships.

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                                                                      34. The power structure of relationships has changed, but some people don’t understand.

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                                                                        35. As women enter traditionally male careers, men move into traditionally female positions. It’s good for everyone.

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                                                                          36. This is insulting no matter who you are or what you do.

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                                                                            37. Why should a person be foced to abandon his or her identity if he or she doesn’t want to?

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                                                                              38. Salary is important — only insofar as it provides shelter, food, and comfort, not prestige.

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                                                                                39. Nothing should be able to take away a person’s confidence.

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                                                                                  40. It’s a choice. And no one can judge.

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                                                                                    41. Dancing is a human desire, not a gendered one.

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                                                                                      42. It is dangerous to set such negative expectations on an entire gender.

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                                                                                        43. Most times, possessions are just possessions.

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                                                                                          44. Fatherly protection should only extend so far.

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                                                                                            45. In fact, there are more prolific male chefs than female chefs.

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                                                                                              46. Both people wear the pants, because everyone can wear whatever he or she wants.

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                                                                                                47. Everyone gets older; it’s nothing to be ashamed about.

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                                                                                                  48. That time is the past, present, and future. Men will always be men, no matter how they act, what they like, or why they make their choices.

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                                                                                                    Featured photo credit: Huffington Post via youtube.com

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                                                                                                    1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

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                                                                                                    Last Updated on May 21, 2019

                                                                                                    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

                                                                                                    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

                                                                                                    For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

                                                                                                    If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

                                                                                                    Example 1

                                                                                                    You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

                                                                                                    You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

                                                                                                    In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

                                                                                                    Example 2

                                                                                                    You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

                                                                                                    People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

                                                                                                    You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

                                                                                                    Example 3

                                                                                                    You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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                                                                                                    The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

                                                                                                    Example 4

                                                                                                    You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

                                                                                                    Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

                                                                                                    If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

                                                                                                    Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

                                                                                                    • Understand your own communication style
                                                                                                    • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
                                                                                                    • Communicate with precision and care
                                                                                                    • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

                                                                                                    1. Understand Your Communication Style

                                                                                                    To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

                                                                                                    In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

                                                                                                    Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

                                                                                                    2. Learn Others Communication Styles

                                                                                                    Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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                                                                                                    If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

                                                                                                    “How do you prefer to receive information?”

                                                                                                    This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

                                                                                                    To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

                                                                                                    3. Exercise Precision and Care

                                                                                                    A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

                                                                                                    On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

                                                                                                    Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

                                                                                                    I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

                                                                                                    I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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                                                                                                    In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

                                                                                                    The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

                                                                                                    Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

                                                                                                    4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

                                                                                                    Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

                                                                                                    In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

                                                                                                    “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

                                                                                                    Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

                                                                                                    Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

                                                                                                    It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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                                                                                                    It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

                                                                                                    It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

                                                                                                    Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

                                                                                                    Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

                                                                                                    The Bottom Line

                                                                                                    When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

                                                                                                    I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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                                                                                                    Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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