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Ways to Successfully Remain Friends With an Ex

Ways to Successfully Remain Friends With an Ex

Remaining friends with an ex boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other can be hard. Not everyone is capable of it, and not everyone even wants it. My personal philosophy is that if you have cared for them once, you can care for them always; just in a different aspect. Is it necessary? No. Is it always possible? No. Can it be beneficial? Of course. I have done my best to stay friends with the majority of my exes and I like to consider the ones that I have to be dear friends. The romance and intimacy is gone, and you are left with a simple friendship you can cherish.

Continue reading for some reasons as to why it can be a positive experience to remain friends with an ex, and some helpful ways to do so.

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1. Do your best to have an amicable break up.

One of the main reasons that people seem to struggle with remaining friends with an Ex is that they had a nasty breakup. That is completely understandable; but breakups happen. Not everyone can have the breakup that Carrie and Aiden had (the second time). Most of us are more the Ross and Rachel type (WE WERE ON A BREAK!)

Nevertheless, if you truly want to remain friends with your current love, then do your best to have a cordial break up. If they choose to be hateful and harsh, that is on them; you can still choose to be the bigger person and leave on a high note. Also, if someone breaks up with you in a spiteful way, do you really want to remain friends with them anyway? Just a thought. You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than you do from the beginning.

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2. Allow time for the feelings to go away.

Another big reason people struggle is that they attempt friendship too early. When you are in loving relationship, you can not just transition that love from romantic to platonic without a cooling off period. If you can, then the love you thought you had was probably not as serious as it seemed. There needs to be ample time for both parties to sufficiently move on before the friendship can successfully occur.  Otherwise you can end up just prolonging the pain, or one of the two of you is going to get hurt all over again.

3. Be respectful of any new significant others in their life.

This can be a huge factor in whether or not you can remain friends with an ex. Once they start dating someone new, all bets are off. It is understandable that the new girl/guy may not be okay with their new flame staying close with an old one. There are quite a few people out there who understand that some people stay close with exes, but just as many that don’t understand and will not be okay with it. You have to make sure that you don’t let your past relationship interfere with their new one.

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4. Keep the friendship PG.

Honestly, once you’ve been physically involved with a person, it can be easy to fall in to old habits when the two of you are alone. However, If you want to keep it strictly a friendship, you can not continue to engage in any physical interactions that generally are exclusive to romantic relationships. Staying physical with an ex will only blur the lines between friendship and relationship, and again result in one, or both of, you getting hurt all over again.

5. Don’t have unrealistic expectations.

Hear me out on this one. So many women and men make the mistake of remaining friends with an ex in the hopes that said ex will change their mind and decide they want to get back together. If the person broke up with you, there was a reason. If you continue to hang on to the hope that the friendship will head back in the direction that you want, you are only setting yourself up for potential disappointment in the future. Do yourself a favor, and only remain friends if your ultimate goal is nothing more than friendship in the truest sense.

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At the end of the day if you truly want to remain friends with an ex, it just needs to be desired by both sides. You can’t force any friendship, let alone one that started out as a romantic relationship. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, and make sure that either way you are going to be happy. That is all that really matters, in the end.

Featured photo credit: Let’s hug by Jakubowski Foto via Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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