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7 Things You Can Do To Make People Like You More

7 Things You Can Do To Make People Like You More

You may be going to bed at night wondering why people at your job or school aren’t your friends. Well, you’re in luck my friend because I had no issues gaining friends and you’re about to be coached. I can help you get people to like you more.

What is this buzz about popularity anyway? Why does it matter so much? Let’s face it, it’s just no fun being at home on a Saturday night staring at the four walls – unless you choose to that is. Don’t get me wrong, some weekends you’ll want to have “boo loving” sessions with your other half, watching a movie or just staying in and reading a book. However, since you are reading this article that is not really your intention at the moment.

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Now, get comfortable and let the guru of friends making teach you a thing or two… or seven.

1. Be Cool

Your confidence is important. You may be a simple house-cat, but what’s so wrong with viewing yourself as a beautifully striped tiger. It’s crazy how the way you view yourself is how people will react to you… well most of them. Some people literally start off their days trying to be a more awesome a**hole than they already are. Don’t settle for that, and don’t dwell on what those people say. You don’t even have to acknowledge their existence. You’re better than that. Create such an aura to yourself that when you step out of your house, you don’t remember to care about negativity. How do you get to this? Good question. That leads me to number two.

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2. Compliment-ary Service

Compliment yourself before you leave the bathroom in the morning. You have to convince yourself before you can try it somewhere else. This worked out well for me during high school, college, and even now. You may not have it all together but people on the outside don’t need to know that. Stop moping around and let them feel as if you are stronger than your situation. Soon after, you’ll start believing it too. When you believe in this, you become it. Also, when you compliment yourself it’s so powerful that people will have a difficult time trying to put you down. If you compliment yourself as part of your daily routine, people can put you down but it won’t sink in as well as your morning message does. Push through the hurt and stick to it. I’m not saying you won’t doubt yourself with all that’s going on but push through it; you have to promulgate an effort.

3. So Fresh And So Clean

Hygiene is important. It’s a known fact that when you smell good you feel good. Taking a shower, brushing your teeth, flossing, wearing clean clothes, and using a decent amount of cologne or perfume (please don’t overdo it) will do wonders for you. You’ll be walking somewhere and people will look at you and say “Nice Outfit!” or “You smell amazing!” This will bring one of the greatest feelings on Earth. After all, we are just humans and we love to feel good. What do you know? Those same compliments are opportunities for striking up a conversation which could lead to great friendships. Anything is possible.

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4. Smile!

For Heaven’s sake would you smile more? Smiles are universal. No matter where you go they mean the same thing. I read an article when I was about 15 that said even faking a smile will release those happy hormones (endorphins). Do you know what that means? Those are the same hormones your body releases when you genuinely smile or laugh. Let that sink in. Your body gives the same reaction for any type of smile – genuine or not. Try this out with strangers. At 23 years old, I am the queen of smiling, and I’m still a people person. What does that tell you? It means that a smile can go a long way. Plus, if it worked for me, it will work for you too. We are no different.

5. Sign Me Up

Be open to have fun! Join a club with something that you like or something that you’re good at. I have loved music since I knew myself so it led me to joining the school choir. Up until now, I still have friends who are making music that I met from the choir. Now, would you look at that? You get to meet people and share common ground with them. Have you ever heard about the law of attraction? If not, it states that like attracts like. Therefore, if you are in a place with people who like the same things you like, they are bound to like you more. If you haven’t found something you like yet, that’s fine too. All hope is not gone! You can either start your own group or suggest something fun to someone. Be random, be courageous, and be consistent. Before you do this, make sure that person is already in your circle of friends. Just to be safe, that means not a complete stranger.

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6. Live To Please

You are not a shadow or a bean bag, so don’t settle for people trying to steal your shine or sit on you. You have needs, but don’t turn your needs and wants to desperation. THAT’S A DEAD END! Keep trying until you get the results you want. Better yet, don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I care deeply about people and who they view themselves as. I appreciate you and you should appreciate yourself too.

7. Expect The Best

Expect that people will like you for you. If it doesn’t happen immediately, keep expecting. You should wake up in the mornings, go throughout the day, and go to bed expecting. I cannot stress it enough. It can be overbearing at times, and you will face disappointments, but that’s life. We shall move pass that. Everything needs balance. Without bad, we wouldn’t know what is good, so keep keeping on and expect more for yourself.

Conclusion

Practice these examples for 30 days and leave me a message on my Facebook. Let me know how this is going for you. It is guaranteed that people will begin to gravitate towards you. Try these steps with yourself before anyone out there will try them with you. Remember, I know you are AWESOME!

Featured photo credit: eflon via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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