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How We Shine Every Day In The Sparkle We Leave Behind

How We Shine Every Day In The Sparkle We Leave Behind

Too often, we believe that something we do must be grandiose and magnificent in order for it to have meaning or to be remembered. Not so. In fact, it is the smallest of moments that truly capture our hearts, only to leave a mark on our memories forever. At times, we may not even realize the ways we shine unless someone points them out to us.

Sitting with some friends a few years ago at a bar, I had a conversation with my friend’s daughter, who was working there. In a matter of 15 minutes, this young lady had completely changed her attitude towards something she was trying to understand. I merely pointed out another way to look at it. Without pretense or planning, I just shared a few ideas. That’s all it took.

Something little, like a few words shared, can change anything.

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Our gifts and talents are our own and have been granted to us for a reason. Hiding them is a disservice.

How many times have you made excuses or assigned the responsibility to someone else, claiming to be too busy or too tired? How many times have we believed that we were incapable of making a difference in someone else’s life?

We shine when we let the world see us for our true selves and hold nothing back, when we abandon our fears and allow our hearts to be free. But how do we really shine in a world that seems to be full of darkness, negativity, and hate?

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1. We smile

I know it sounds too corny and easy to be true, but it is impossible to ignore. When we smile — even at complete strangers — we feel happy and share that with others. Why do you think we love the “welcome home” reunions and surprises so much on YouTube? Every single one has a smile in it and we connect with the emotion captured in each video. Long after the moment has passed and we have gone about our days, we can’t help but find ourselves thinking back at that moment, and what do we do? We smile.

2. We serve others

Giving our time and talent to others gives people permission to do the same. Why do you think we all get this “warm fuzzy” feeling when we “ring the bell” or serve dinner during the holiday season? It makes us feel good. It shows others that people really do care and want to do not just what society tells us to, but what we know is right. Our souls need to be replenished just as much as every stomach, and when we put other’s needs ahead of our own — without expectation — we inadvertently “pay it forward” and “pass the torch” to another to do the same.

3. We hold someone’s hand

In that single touch, we say “I’m here,” “I care,” and “I am here for you,” without saying a word. When we are afraid, lonely, or lost and there is nothing else, we grab hold and don’t let go. We commit to someone for this moment, even if that moment doesn’t last much longer than a minute or two. Days from now, it will be something we cherish. Because in that simple act of human touch, someone connected with us and made us feel important, special, and loved.

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4. We chase our dreams

Whether we want to believe it or not, people are always watching what we are doing and saying. Our acts of courage and adventure, even defying the status quo can incite an internal riot within ourselves that only can be described as “permission” to someone who is wanting to take that leap, too. Dreamers give us hope and naturally shine without really even trying. Although our dreams may be different, the feeling we get from chasing them is always the same.

5. We live authentically

The old phrase “You get what you see” actually holds some truth, instead of simply being a quick way to deflect and keep people out. We do what we said we would do, we keep promises, we actually “walk the talk” and encourage others to take down walls and be a little vulnerable. Letting people see our hearts now and again allows us moments to shine and leaves a little bit of you with others. We still need to create some mystery about who we are and every one of us becomes captivated by the magic of someone listening to their heart and their willingness to share it with others.

6. We believe in others

There are no words to describe the imprint some people leave on our lives. Without even noticing or wanting much fanfare, they have permanently marked our souls like we never could have imagined. We see goodness and potential in someone who has yet to see their own gifts and talents, let alone share them with the world. We show them how to “live inspired” and encourage them to find the true meaning of their purpose, all while being who they really are. Giving people permission to “shine” makes the world brighter and it allows the rest of us to see through everything ugly in our world.

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Conclusion:

This world is what we make it. Hands down, we can take the easy road and let the sludge and and muck bury us. We know it can and it will. Some will find not be able to get out of the grime unless someone helps them. There is still greatness to be shared and we know it matters. It will change the world and it will inspire future generations to shine brighter than they even imagined. In order for anything extraordinary to happen, we must remember it. The moments found in the glitter that sparkles left long after you are gone will no doubt leave an impression that will not wain — you have changed the world.

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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