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15 Things Only People Living With A Health Problem Know

15 Things Only People Living With A Health Problem Know

I used to be that person, the one who was disgustingly fit, annoyingly thin, and perfectly in shape. As a runner, triathlete, and personal trainer, I was the picture of good health. Even though I’d had heart surgery when I was a child, I hadn’t experienced any issues or symptoms since then. Heck, I still I enjoyed my lifestyle, including the occasional overindulgence (PMS chocolate binges, cervezas at sunset by the beach, and 2 a.m. rolled tacos after a night of dancing downtown).

Life was good.

Until my heart decided to go haywire. Suddenly, I was living with a “health condition,” or what some cardiologists refer to as a “critical congenital heart disease.” I was sick. And I wasn’t going to get better. Life, as I knew it, was over. I quickly realized that unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life hiding in the corner of my room, crying, I’d better learn to adapt to my new situation. It’s taken a lot of work, but after meeting a ton of other people like me, here’s what I learned on my journey to acceptance.

1. It is what it is.

Biggest lesson ever: It is what it is. There’s nothing we can do to change the situation, so we might as well accept it and move on. This doesn’t mean we ignore it or even like it. It simply means we choose not to curl up in little balls and cry, nor do we spend hours stressing over it or the outcomes. We’ve realized that’s wasted time and energy that can be used elsewhere. Like on baking chocolate brownies.

2. We’re not faking.

Some days, we feel like crap for no reason. We woke up feeling that way. Or we did laundry, which made us feel awful. Or we took meds, which made us sick. There’s no rhyme or reason why we feel sick, we just do. Hopefully, time, fresh air, a good book, a little nap, or some different medications to counter the first medications will help. Something. Anything. It’s a toss-up and every day is different. Just when you think you’ve figured out our symptoms, or when you believe you know what will help, everything’s probably changed again. Sorry.

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3. We don’t like being sick.

It may seem like we enjoy the attention or we’re seeking it, or we conveniently get sick at just the right time, but that’s not the case. We know we were fine a few minutes ago, which makes it very suspicious that we’re all of a sudden deathly ill. Since you’re not inside our bodies, we’re certain it’s difficult to understand. It is for us as well. Sometimes anxiety exacerbates our symptoms, which may make it look like we’re trying to get out of things, but that’s not the case. Please believe us.

(By the way, you’ll see this a lot with kids with chronic illnesses. They don’t try to be sick to get out of school or things they don’t want to do, though it may appear that way. Please believe and understand them.)

4. Having a health problem isn’t the same as being sick with a cold or flu.

Being sick sucks no matter what. When you have a bad cold or flu, we feel bad for you. We do. But our chronic illness isn’t the same. We’re not trying to one-up you, we’re just saying our situation isn’t something that will go away in a few days. It’s also not something a nice, warm cup of tea and some Ibuprofen will take care of. We can’t down a shot of NyQuil and be done with it. We need about five meds in the morning just to survive. Thank you for your suggestions, but we’ve probably tried everything. Even the natural stuff.

5. The excuse, “I can’t because I have a doctor’s appointment,” isn’t an excuse.

It’s true. We always have doctor appointments. We’ve had to schedule and reschedule babysitters, change work schedules, rearrange the kids’ sports activities, cancel social plans (what social plans??), and even been laid off from jobs because of the obscene amount of medical appointments, procedures, and surgeries. We’re not complaining. We know we’re lucky to have such good medical care, but it gets old after a while. We’re sure it gets old hearing it, too. “Oh, another doctor appointment? Shocker.”

6. The pharmacy is our second home.

Most people call Starbucks or something cool their second homes.

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We spend so much time at CVS getting our prescriptions, we figure, “What the hell,” and so we pick up some milk and laundry detergent and bread while we’re there. We spend hundreds of dollars a month for medications, why not add a few things to the bill? Especially chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

7. We might as well be nurses and pharmacists.

All we do is research and read research articles and talk to nurses, physicians, and pharmacists. And then we research some more. We’ve spent years learning about medications and treatments and what does/doesn’t work. We seem to know so much that even you come to us for advice. Yep. We’ve probably considered a change in careers (at least, many of the moms probably have).

8. We always know what to pack for the day.

We’re the ones with the Band Aids, the Tylenol, the Motrin, the baby aspirin, the tweezers, the nausea medicine, the motion sickness medicine, the gauze bandages, the wraps, the emergency blankets, the emesis basin, the tourniquet, the antibiotic ointment, the latex gloves, the antiseptics, the defibrillator, the….God, who knows. Trust us. We have everything anyone needs for an emergency.

You’re welcome.

9. You can’t see our illness.

Unless we’re topless or in a bikini. Yeah, good luck with that.

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A lot of people have health conditions or chronic conditions that can’t been seen on the outside. For example, my heart is sick. You wouldn’t know unless you saw me walking up a flight of stairs, huffing and puffing. You’d probably think, “Wow, she looks kind of young to be so out of shape.” I’d have to take off my top to show you all my scars from all my recent surgeries for you to know something was wrong. That’s the difficult thing about my illness. Same with my kids. My daughter has only half a working heart. Sometimes we park in a disabled parking spot, either for her or me. People stare, wondering why on earth we have the blue placard hanging from our rearview mirror.

10. Our bodies change.

Having a health condition or chronic illness means accepting our bodies for whatever they decide to do or be—no matter what we do or don’t do. I used to be a freaking triathlete. I ran marathons. I rode in 100-mile bike races. I surfed. I danced ballet. I was phenomenally fit. I rocked a bikini.

And now I don’t do any of the above. I can’t speak for men, but as a woman, this is horrible. Blame it on society. Blame it on the media. Maybe it’s my own fault. I have to work really hard to remember “it is what it is” when it comes to my physical appearance. My body changes all the time. Five pounds up, eight pounds down. Some days strong, some days weak. I can only go with the flow my health decides.

11. Having a health/chronic condition forced us to reevaluate our finances.

The Prada bag, Miu Miu sandals, iPhone, Sushi dinners, yoga classes, and those darn Caramel Frappuccino® Blended Coffees topped with extra whip and more caramel sauce go out the door. We’re now too busy paying co-pays, out-of-network fees, things that aren’t covered, and prescription costs, in addition to covering missed days at work or non-existent paychecks to pay for any extras. We learned long ago to sayonara the fun stuff — movies and dinners and manicures and shopping days.

The good news is it forced us to be more creative and adventurous when it comes to fun. The not-so-great news is sometimes our friends and/or our kids’ friends aren’t as excited about freebie fun, so we often have to say, “No, thanks,” to their invitations to activities that cost money.

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12. It makes us question who we are and who we’re capable of being.

We have to work hard not to limit ourselves. “It is what it is” must be used correctly so as to accept reality, but not limit ourselves. We must remember we’re still us, we’re still capable of success, we’re talented and have a lot to offer this world. No matter how shitty we feel.

13. We work hard to show our children we’re doing OK.

Sometimes, our health condition scares us. Once in a while, we worry about the future. We hate to think about finances.

I don’t lie to our kids, but I don’t want them to be afraid either. I want them to be strong because they, too, have health issues they will never be rid of. They will have to grow up with heart conditions. They will have to overcome and live “normal” lives. How can they do that if they see their mother falling apart on a daily basis? They won’t. So I don’t. They know what’s up and they also know “It is what it is,” and they’re able to rise above.

14. There are upsides.

That sounds like a crock. But honestly, there are some good things that come of having a chronic health condition. We’ve learned to change our perspectives about a great deal of things. It’s simple with practice.

15. Priorities change. For the better.

Since I’ve gotten sick, I’ve learned to realign my priorities. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. Surprisingly, my stress levels have decreased dramatically. My house doesn’t have to be spotless. I don’t have to be the faultless wife and mom, who looks 14 years younger than I am. I don’t feel the need to have perfect children who get the best grades, who do every sport and are involved in every activity. Having health conditions frees all of us from such pressures. We do the best we can do in whatever we choose to do and are a hell of a lot happier.

While I’d never hope for a chronic health condition, I’m stuck with one. It is what it is. I can only learn to live with it and make my life the best it can be.

Featured photo credit: Amy Kellogg via flickr.com

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Missy Mitchell

Author, Artist, Advocate

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

How To Be Successful In Life: 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

How To Be Successful In Life: 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

What is success to you? How to be successful in life?

To some, when they think of success, they imagine wealth; others want power; some just want to make a positive impact on the world.

All of these are perfectly valid, indeed success is a concept that means different things to different people. Though no matter what success is to you, it almost certainly isn’t something will come easily.

There are countless guides and books to being successful, however, as success is personal and unique to each individual. The advice contained in these books can often not be relevant. Therefore following the advice of a single individual can often be unhelpful.

With this in mind, considering the advice of a great many people, people whose ideas of success were different both to each other, and quite possibly, to you can be a good alternative.

What follows is a list of thirteen of the best pieces of advice from some of the most successful people who have ever lived.

1.Think big.

    From Michelangelo Buonarroti, Great Renaissance Artist:

    “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

    There are few artists as influential as Michaelangelo. Today centuries after his death, his work still inspires and connects to people. His work is world famous, just think of his statue of David, or the Mural in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.

    Imagine then, if he decided not to work as an artist.

    Being a successful artist has always been extremely difficult, imagine if he decided to give up this ambition in favour of something easier?

    Oftentimes, people often decided to put their dreams aside for something more “realistic”. To give up their dream for something easier. This quote teaches us the danger of such a point of view.
    Instead be ambitious.

    2.Find what you love to do and do it.

      From Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul:

      “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.”

      This is a good quote to remember and think about when you’re at work.

      Imagine being as successful as possible in your current job. Ultimately you’ll probably find yourself working extremely hard and this it will take up much of your time.

      If it’s a job you hate, then being successful at it might only mean filling your life with something you hate to do. What’s the sense in this?

      Instead, why not focus on doing something you love? Success at this means the fulfilment of your dreams.

      Even if you’re not successful, you still filled your time with something you love to do. Many successful musicians spent years of their lives doing unpaid performances, the only reason they kept playing was because they loved to perform.

      3. Learn how to balance life.

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        From Phil Knight, CEO of Nike Inc.:

        “There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”

        All too often, people think that to be successful, they need to make the object of their success their life.

        If a person thinks their job will lead them to success, then they may spend countless hours per day, and well into the evening working hard.

        However this comes at the cost of rest, your health and having an enjoyable life. Ultimately they may burn out and cease to be successful at their job anyway.

        If success comes from having a strong social life and a good group of friends, their job may suffer; meaning that they may lose their job, and then be unable to afford going out with friends.

        In these ways, success, as Phil Knight says above, is helped by balance. Think of it as a balance between rest and work, or work and play.

        4. Do not be afraid of failure.

          From Henry Ford, Founder of Ford Motors:

          “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

          There is a story, it’s unconfirmed whether it actually happened, yet the message within is none the less true:

          Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb was the result of several hundred failed attempts. In an interview, he was asked “How do you feel after all of your failed attempts?”

          His response was great, “I didn’t fail, I learned hundreds of ways not to invent the lightbulb”

          He saw each “failure” as a lesson. From that lesson he learned what won’t work, and also might work instead.

          Each failed attempt, each rejection, were key steps on the journey of his success. It is easy to feel like you should give up after a failure. But perhaps in that failure is a lesson.

          Pay attention to your failures, study them. Perhaps then you’ll learn how to succeed.

          5. Have an unwavering resolution to succeed.

            From Colonel Sanders, Founder of KFC:

            “I made a resolve then that I was going to amount to something if I could. And no hours, nor amount of labor, nor amount of money would deter me from giving the best that there was in me. And I have done that ever since, and I win by it. I know.”

            This, in many ways relates to the above quote about learning from your failures.

            It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up from a failure. The only way to push on is if you have the true burning desire to succeed, to not be moved or dissuaded from your goals.

            If you are not truly dedicated towards success, then each failure will hurt more, each set back will slow you down.

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            Success is hard; without the unwavering desire to succeed, this difficulty may seem insurmountable. With the desire, it is merely an obstacle to go through.

            6. Be a person of action.

              From Leonardo da Vinci, Renaissance Genius:

              “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

              Though it was said hundreds of years ago, it works just as much today as it ever had. It applies to literally any successful person.

              Think about it, picture someone like William Shakespeare:

              When we think of the time he lived in, we think of the time in a way shaped by him. When we think of Renissance era Italy, we think of Michaelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci.

              Or think about the present day:

              Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Our current way of life would simply be incomparably different if they didn’t accomplish what they did.

              You’re probably reading this article on a device by a company that they either founded or companies influenced by them.

              All these figures were proactive, they saw ways to do things differently and did them. If they let the world shape them, then they’d simply fit into the background. Instead they shaped the world.

              Applying this to you?

              Don’t be afraid of going outside the norm. If you can think of a better way to do something, do it that way. If you fail, try again.

              7. Avoid conflicts.

                From Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of America: “

                The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”

                The best leaders and some of the most influential people (and Theodore Roosevelt is one of the best leaders and one of the most influential people to have lived) were not those who caused commotions, who fought with people or disregarded people; but were people who were friendly to those around them.

                People liked them. They wanted them to do well.

                This is key to good leadership.

                It’s logical. If someone likes you, they want to help you; if you give them a suggestion, they’ll gladly follow through with it.

                But if someone doesn’t like you, they may either refuse to help or actively get in your way.

                What’s more, it’s always a good idea to cultivate good relationships. You can never tell who will prove to become someone who’ll be able to help you in a big way, or even be a good and supportive friend.

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                As such, help people and they may help you; and be good to people, and they my be good to you.

                8. Don’t be afraid of introducing new ideas.

                  From Mark Twain, Famed Author:

                  “A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

                  It is an unfortunate truth that those with the boldest ideas are often disregarded.

                  Most of us are taught from an early age to think and do things similarly to everyone else. This can be great to fill an existing role. But to truly do things differently (and all successful people did things differently), you need to think differently.

                  If you have a new idea, don’t throw it away because it’s new and different; instead, celebrate it. Your strange new idea might one day be the one that leads you to success.

                  9. Believe in your capacity to succeed.

                    From Walter Disney, Founder of Walt Disney Company:

                    “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

                    Success has to be something you can imagine yourself achieving.

                    It is possible that you will come across those who doubt you and your ability to succeed. You must not become one of these people because the moment you cease believing and dreaming is the moment these dreams fall away.

                    Keep dreaming!

                    10. Always maintain a positive mental attitude.

                      From Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of America:

                      “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

                      Like the above quote says, you need to trust in your ability to succeed. This is the only way to cultivate the right mindset.

                      You need to approach problems, not as obstacles stopping you, but merely tasks that need to be completed for you to keep going.

                      If you think like this, setbacks won’t affect you so much, people’s doubts won’t impact you and even the biggest obstacles will seem like minor problems.

                      However with the wrong mindset of doubt, you’ll be much easier to stop.

                      11. Don’t let discouragement stop you from pressing on.

                        From Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of America:

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                        “Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.”

                        It is an unfortunate fact of human nature — all of us in some way, doubt ourselves. This can be made far worse if others doubt us too.

                        When surrounded by doubts, giving up can actually seem like a good idea.

                        Don’t pay attention to the doubts. If you are discouraged, ignore it.

                        If this discouragement moves into your mind and you begin to doubt yourself. It is important to ignore this too.

                        Take a look at these 5 Ways to Stop Self Doubt in its Tracks.

                        12. Be willing to work hard.

                          From JC Penny, Founder of JC Penney Inc.:

                          “Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.”

                          You might have heard the quote that “success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” or you may have heard about the 10,000 hours idea.

                          Whichever way you frame it, they say one thing:

                          Success comes from work.

                          You’ll never become successful if you don’t work towards your goal and keep working towards it.

                          Check out this article and you’ll understand Why Hard Work Beats Talent.

                          13. Be brave enough to follow your intuition.

                            From Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple Inc.:

                            “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

                            In ancient Greece, there was a group of Oracles who lived in Delphi. Everyone who needed advice or to know their future visited them, from the poorest of society to kings. Above the doorway of the temple were the words “know thyself”.

                            If you strongly believe and desire something, the chances are that you already have an idea how to get there. If not, you may naturally know what things will help you and what things will slow you down.

                            It’s like how your body can detect danger even when things seem safe.

                            Ultimately then, you need to trust your own instincts.

                            Final thoughts

                            What you might have noticed is that many of the above lessons are similar — most are about developing the right state of mind. This clearly suggests that the key to becoming success, in whatever you wish, comes down to the way you approach it mentally.

                            Featured photo credit: Ryan Wong via unsplash.com

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