“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver
Children are fragile with emotions and despite they show resilience and ability to stand up against any situation more than adults do. However, some traumatic events during the childhood can leave long-lasting effects and negativity that can haunt in the adulthood, if not overcame.Advertising
Anything can trigger a trauma during childhood. The disrupted sense of security, domestic violence, sexual and verbal abuse, mistreatment, bullying and separation from a parent are some of the most common ones. If you’re past as a child haunts you and you face several emotional and psychological problems, you can get over it. Here are 8 steps to overcome childhood trauma.
1. Acknowledge and recognize the trauma
Most people who face childhood trauma go through a lot of problems including the feeling of guilt, self-blame or so. However, people fail to try and acknowledge to minimize the trauma and even pretend that it did not happen, which hits them back. The best way to start healing is understanding that the event occurred and that you had no will to be a part of it.Advertising
2. Seek support
Childhood trauma often leads to isolation and makes people and introvert. Many trauma survivors say that the best way to recover quickly is to seek support and talk to people. Connecting with different people will give ideas on different ways to heal and overcome the effect. Talk to your family members, or a close friend or join a support group so that you can speak to someone about the event and put off all of your frustrations.
3. Take care of your health and exercise
People who face trauma as a child build up unnecessary stress which creates a direct impact on health. A daily routine to keep oneself at rest by exercising and eating properly will keep you away from anxiety and make you fresh. Join a gym club and start sweating because the more you become physically and mentally strong, the more you get close to overcoming the impacts of a childhood trauma. Make sure that you choose the right protein and best creatine to build muscles the right way.Advertising
4. Avoid alcohol and drugs
People who face trauma get depressed and the only gateway they think of is drugs or alcohol. However, the first thing to do is to refrain yourself from such harmful things and avoid them at any cost. If you’re already an addict, you need to start thinking of your future and join a rehab. Alcohol and drugs make people ill while it also adds up more stress in the future though they might provide temporary relief.
5. Reclaim control
When you become a victim of childhood trauma, your past will get control of your present and future. But, when you start reclaiming control over your thoughts and activities, you’re your own boss and you can shape your present and future the way you want it to be. As long as you’re willing to let go of the past, you’re in good shape. So, make sure you’re ready to battle your past and navigate through the sufferings that you went through.Advertising
6. Be patient
When you’re hurt as a child, you develop intense feelings, lose control over your emotions and become hopeless. Healing takes time and you need to be patient with yourself. Take things step by step, one at a time and the little success you enjoy with the bits and pieces will help you overcome childhood trauma sooner.
7. Replace bad habits with good ones
Negativity is going to lead you nowhere. Bad habits will develop such negativity and develop a feeling of mistrusting others, doubting yourself or so. It’ll also keep you secluded. You need to give up on your bad habits and start replacing with good ones right away. If you smoke, quit it slow and it’ll help you relive the pain of the past. If it’s hard for you to let go of your bad habits, go to a therapist or seek help from people around you.
8. Accept it and move on
Learning the fact that you were a part of a trauma is surely hurting. But, when you accept something, it’s not that you need to embrace it throughout your life and go through all the pain and sufferings. Acceptance means that you’ve something to do with it and that you won’t let it ruin your life. You need to accept it and move on, try to move away from your bad memories and believe that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
Featured photo credit: jill111 via pixabay.com
Last Updated on April 6, 2020
10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively
Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.
Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.
Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.
So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.
1. Be Authentic
To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.
Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.
Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.
Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.
To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.
Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.
Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)
3. Become an Expert
Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.
You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.
4. Lead with Story
From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.
If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps
5. Lead by Example
It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C
ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.
We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.
6. Catch People Doing Good
A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.
Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.
7. Be Effusive with Praise
It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.
Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.
8. Be Kind Rather Than Right
I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.
The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.
If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.
9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs
The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.
The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.
If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.
10. Understand Your Lane
If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.
Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.
You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.
Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.
It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.
More Tips About Making Influence
- 20 Powerful Books to Win You Friends and Influence More People
- How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship
- Leadership vs Management: Is One Better Than the Other?
Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com