How to Sell Without Selling
How to Sell Without Selling

Last Updated on December 3, 2019
I often hear people say, “I want to be successful but don’t know where to start” or “I’ve achieved career success yet I’m not happy.” And then I ask, “what does career success mean to you?” And many have a hard time articulating their response with much conviction.
It’s common that people lack clarity, focus, and direction. And when you layer on thoughts and actions that are misaligned with your values, this only adds to your misdirected quest to achieve your career success.
A word of caution. It’s going to take some time for you to think about and work on your own path for career success. You need to set aside time and be intentional about the steps you take to achieve career success. In my opinion, this step-by-step guide is apart of your life philosophy.
Pause. Give yourself time and space for self-reflection.
What does career success mean to you?
This is about defining your career success:
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms” – Zen Shin
When you strip away all your external influences and manage your inner critic, what are you left with? You need to define career success that best suits your life situation.
There’s no fixed answer. Everyone is different. Your answer will evolve and be impacted by life events. Here are a few examples of career success:
Now even as you reflect on the examples above, the descriptions are not specific enough. You’ve got to take it deeper:
Let’s take a look at some potential responses to the questions above:
Further questions to reflect on to help narrow the focus for the above responses:
Now, I’m only scratching the surface with these examples. It takes time to do the inner work and build a solid foundation.
Start this exercise by first asking what career success means to you and then ask yourself meaningful questions to help you dig deeper.
What types of themes emerge from your responses? What keywords or phrases keep coming up for you?
Values are the principles and beliefs that guide your decisions, behaviors and actions. When you’re not aligned with your values and act in a way that conflicts with your beliefs, it’ll feel like life is a struggle.
There are simple value exercises that can help you quickly determine your core values. This one designed by Carnegie Mellon University can help you discover your top 5 values.[1]
Once you have your top 5 values keep them visible. Your brain needs reminders that these are your top values. Here are some ways to make them stick:
Where will your value words be placed in your physical environment so that you have a constant reminder of them?
When writing your short-term and long term life goals, use the SMART framework – Specific Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Treat this as a brainstorming exercise. Your potential and possibilities are limitless.
How you define short-term and long-term is entirely up to you. Short-term can be 30 days, 90 days, or 6 months. Maybe long-term goals are 4 months, 1 year, or 10 years.
Here are a few self-reflection questions to help you write your goals:[2]
Remember to revisit your core values as you refine yours goals:
Get very clear and specific about your goals. Think about an archer – a person who shoots with a bow and arrows at a target. This person is laser focused on the target – the center of the bullseye. The target is your goal.
By focusing on one goal at a time and having that goal visible, you can behave and act in ways that will move you closer to your goal.
What did you love doing as a kid? What made these moments fun? What did you have a knack for? What did you most cherish about these times? What are the common themes?
What work feels effortless? What work do you do that doesn’t seem like work? Think about work you can lose track of time doing and you don’t even feel tired of it.[3]
What are your desires? Try it out. Experiment. Take action and start. How can you incorporate more of this type of work into your daily life?
What themes emerge from your responses? How do your responses compare to your responses from the values exercise and your goals?
What do you notice?
Do you have tendencies to use your head or heart to make decisions?
I have a very strong tendency to make rational, practical, and fact-based decisions using my head. It’s very rare for me to make decisions using my emotions. I was forced to learn how to make more intuitive decisions by listening to my gut when I was struggling with pivotal life decisions. I was forced to feel and listen to my inner voice to make decisions that feel most natural to me. This was very unfamiliar to me, however, it expanded my identity.
Review this list of Feeling Words. Use the same technique you use for the values exercise to narrow down how you want to feel.
Keep these words visible too!
Review your responses. What do you observe? What insights do you gain from these responses and those in the above steps?
Make career decisions aligned with your values, goals, talents and feelings. This is not for the faint hearted. It takes real work, courage and willingness to cut out the noise around you. You’ll need to sit with discomfort for a bit until you build up your muscle to hit the targets you want.
Surround yourself with a supportive network to help you through these times.
“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them” – Rumi
Not to be cynical, but no one can make you happy but yourself. If you don’t take control of your career and manage it like your own business – no one will.
Discern between things that you can control and what you can’t control. For example, you may not be able to control who gets a promotion. However, you can control how you react to it and what you’ve learned about yourself in that situation.
For many who have gone through a career change or been impacted by life events, these steps may seem very basic. However, it’s sometimes the basics that we forget to do. The simple things and moments can edge us closer to our larger vision for ourselves.
Staying present and appreciating what you have today can sometimes help you achieve your long-term goals. For example, if you’re always talking about not having enough time and wanting work-life balance, think about what was good in your work day? Maybe you took a walk outside with your co-workers. This could be a small step to help you reframe how you can attain work-life balance.
Remember to take time for yourself. Hit pause, notice, observe and reflect to achieve career success by getting deliberate and intentional:
“When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.” – Lolly Daskal
Good luck and best wishes always!
Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com
[1] | ^ | Carnegie Mellon University: My Career Path Activities Values Exercise |
[2] | ^ | University of California Berkley: Goal-Setting: Developing a Vision & Goals for Your Career Plan |
[3] | ^ | Guy Hendricks: The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level |