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8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know

8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know

At 3 1/2 my daughter climbed the countertops for a box of cheerios and a bowl.  She was valiantly attempting to prepare her breakfast.  I was incredibly threatened, “How after only a few short years, could this totally dependent being could already need me less?”

In his 1843 essay titled “Self-Reliance”, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about this basic human need for individuals to follow their own instincts and ideas in life. Liberating,right??!! Intimidating,Yes!!!  My daughter’s innate drive for self-reliance and trusty individualism was a huge test for what Emerson coined as, “Trust Thyself”. If you are one of those people who have this type of inner confidence, naturally you most likely don’t depend on others. Here are 8 things those who don’t depend on others would understand.

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1.  You Have Strong Values

Whether it’s your disposition, experience, or some combination of the two, you’ve learned that truth is your religion.  You live by values which naturally flow from the inner confidence and core of who you are.  These values are the unshakable foundation from which you derive your sense of confidence.  Those who don’t depend others to make determinations in life, are aware that truth comes from within and you use this fundamental truth to relate to the world, solve problems and set goals.

2.  You Don’t Depend On Others To Make Decisions

Reserving the right to make your own decisions maintains your autonomy and independence in a world full of potential choices. Others may not agree or understand your strong “pursuit of happiness“, however there is no shame in following your instincts in discovering your path in life. Of course, it is important to be kind while asserting yourself, however it is not necessary to give into to an expectation that does not fit with what you desire.

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3.  You Know What You Want

Those who don’t depend on others are self-reliant and are fully aware of their direction in life due to inner confidence. You have have short and long term goals set that are realistic and attainable. You can often be labeled as stubborn, defiant, or bull-headed by family members and peers but you consider it to be inner confidence. However, because of a strong drive and sense of what is right for you; following your intuition rather than group consensus is all the direction you require. You staunchly express independent thinking in support of your own ideas and opinions.

4.  You Are Informed

In knowing what you want, your thirst for knowledge helps you effortlessly move forward in life. Information is your life’s light saber; illuminating the path in the presence of uncertainty or influence. Although these are not common experiences for those who don’t depend on others, they are human experiences. Being informed keeps you well-rounded so the pressures of conformity can easily roll off and advocacy for self and others is one of your highly respected character traits.

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5.  You Are Seemingly Quiet

Quiet is not an accurate description, but that’s how others may experience you, however you are most likely engaging in quiet observation. Observation is a necessary tool in figuring things out.  You stop, look and listen, while you observe your own as well as others’ thoughts and actions in an attempt to determine how to authentically relate to the situation. You don’t depend on the lead of others to fit in.

6.   You are Okay With Making Mistakes

Those who don’t depend on others, typically don’t seek validation so making a mistake is no big deal.   You fully accept  the learning curve in life.  As an independent person you have a “bring it on” attitude when it comes to figuring it out, knowing that mistakes lead to greater understanding. What’s the worst that can happen, right? Some of this world’s greatest entrepreneurs  have confronted their deepest fears only to ultimately end up right where they belong — all because of inner confidence that carried them along.

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7.  You Don’t Need a Plan

Because you are resolute in your values, have identified goals, are keen in observation, and at ease with learning as you go; you let these principles guide you in your journey. Your infinite wealth of positive and negative experience provides proof that it all works out, because sometimes climbing the counter for Cheerios results in a tumble. However, you understand that a tumble is a part of success. Not needing a plan allows you to benefit from the trial and error in life because independent people thrive on learning through action.

 8. You Assume Responsibility

How would any of this be possible if you weren’t a pro at taking responsibility? When self-reliant people don’t depend on others, they don’t point the finger, its just not an option. You assume ownership in all areas of your life, but you don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect. When independent people take responsibility it’s not just for all of the extrinsic stuff; they take responsibility for themselves as well, knowing that respect and trust in “thyself” is key.

Featured photo credit: Beautiful girl in forest turning her back by Viktor Hanicek via picjumbo.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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