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8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know

8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know

At 3 1/2 my daughter climbed the countertops for a box of cheerios and a bowl.  She was valiantly attempting to prepare her breakfast.  I was incredibly threatened, “How after only a few short years, could this totally dependent being could already need me less?”

In his 1843 essay titled “Self-Reliance”, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about this basic human need for individuals to follow their own instincts and ideas in life. Liberating,right??!! Intimidating,Yes!!!  My daughter’s innate drive for self-reliance and trusty individualism was a huge test for what Emerson coined as, “Trust Thyself”. If you are one of those people who have this type of inner confidence, naturally you most likely don’t depend on others. Here are 8 things those who don’t depend on others would understand.

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1.  You Have Strong Values

Whether it’s your disposition, experience, or some combination of the two, you’ve learned that truth is your religion.  You live by values which naturally flow from the inner confidence and core of who you are.  These values are the unshakable foundation from which you derive your sense of confidence.  Those who don’t depend others to make determinations in life, are aware that truth comes from within and you use this fundamental truth to relate to the world, solve problems and set goals.

2.  You Don’t Depend On Others To Make Decisions

Reserving the right to make your own decisions maintains your autonomy and independence in a world full of potential choices. Others may not agree or understand your strong “pursuit of happiness“, however there is no shame in following your instincts in discovering your path in life. Of course, it is important to be kind while asserting yourself, however it is not necessary to give into to an expectation that does not fit with what you desire.

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3.  You Know What You Want

Those who don’t depend on others are self-reliant and are fully aware of their direction in life due to inner confidence. You have have short and long term goals set that are realistic and attainable. You can often be labeled as stubborn, defiant, or bull-headed by family members and peers but you consider it to be inner confidence. However, because of a strong drive and sense of what is right for you; following your intuition rather than group consensus is all the direction you require. You staunchly express independent thinking in support of your own ideas and opinions.

4.  You Are Informed

In knowing what you want, your thirst for knowledge helps you effortlessly move forward in life. Information is your life’s light saber; illuminating the path in the presence of uncertainty or influence. Although these are not common experiences for those who don’t depend on others, they are human experiences. Being informed keeps you well-rounded so the pressures of conformity can easily roll off and advocacy for self and others is one of your highly respected character traits.

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5.  You Are Seemingly Quiet

Quiet is not an accurate description, but that’s how others may experience you, however you are most likely engaging in quiet observation. Observation is a necessary tool in figuring things out.  You stop, look and listen, while you observe your own as well as others’ thoughts and actions in an attempt to determine how to authentically relate to the situation. You don’t depend on the lead of others to fit in.

6.   You are Okay With Making Mistakes

Those who don’t depend on others, typically don’t seek validation so making a mistake is no big deal.   You fully accept  the learning curve in life.  As an independent person you have a “bring it on” attitude when it comes to figuring it out, knowing that mistakes lead to greater understanding. What’s the worst that can happen, right? Some of this world’s greatest entrepreneurs  have confronted their deepest fears only to ultimately end up right where they belong — all because of inner confidence that carried them along.

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7.  You Don’t Need a Plan

Because you are resolute in your values, have identified goals, are keen in observation, and at ease with learning as you go; you let these principles guide you in your journey. Your infinite wealth of positive and negative experience provides proof that it all works out, because sometimes climbing the counter for Cheerios results in a tumble. However, you understand that a tumble is a part of success. Not needing a plan allows you to benefit from the trial and error in life because independent people thrive on learning through action.

 8. You Assume Responsibility

How would any of this be possible if you weren’t a pro at taking responsibility? When self-reliant people don’t depend on others, they don’t point the finger, its just not an option. You assume ownership in all areas of your life, but you don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect. When independent people take responsibility it’s not just for all of the extrinsic stuff; they take responsibility for themselves as well, knowing that respect and trust in “thyself” is key.

Featured photo credit: Beautiful girl in forest turning her back by Viktor Hanicek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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