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Real Story: This Man Crossed The Ocean To Follow The Love Of His Life

Real Story: This Man Crossed The Ocean To Follow The Love Of His Life

The Mystery of Love

In this digital age, what would you do for true love? Would you allow yourself to embrace mystery, to become untethered and follow your heart?

I recently came across an article from a writer, David Vecsey, who wrote of finding love in the mysterious age, that time before texting, Facebook, e-mail, and easily traceable electronic footprints. It reminded me of how I met my wife in the middle of an epic two-year motorcycle journey. We didn’t spend our time visiting historic European cities and sights, we ventured into the wilds of America living off of love, cheap coffee and a small tent!

David related his love story for the New York Times which was subsequently published in Reader’s Digest. David retells the courtship of his future wife as a sort of mystery, a mystery that might have only been possible because it was done old school.

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He bemoans the fact that the instant access of our electric age can take the mystery out of life and lead to the missing of more ephemeral opportunities. In the summer of 1991, long before the rise of the Internet and social media, the mysteries of life took a hold of his heart and sent him on an epic journey of love.

Backpacking in Europe when what you really want is an ocean away

David and Joelle met while he was still in college and she was a recent college graduate spending time in her hometown of Peoria, Illinois where he went to school. They became inseparable, in spite of the fact they both knew the inseparability would soon be coming to an end – David would be leaving for a European backpacking trip and Joelle would be moving to Chicago. They agreed to write each other, but it was 1991 and “write” didn’t mean e-mail, texting, or Twitter, it meant actually writing a letter and waiting for it to make its away across an ocean. It was easy to get lost and forget things that seemed monumentally important in the moment. And to be honest, David thought Joelle would be “waiting” for him, so off he went confident she would be there when he returned.

David landed in Frankfurt, Germany and began a journey that would expose him to some of Europe’s finest landmarks – the Roman ruins in Trier, summer solstice in Strasburg, a rock concert in a soccer stadium, and the amazing artwork and churches of his ancestral hometown, Budapest. In spite of this wonder, he felt alone. He missed his girl.

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By the time he met his parents for a rendezvous in London, he was almost inconsolable. His soul was heavy and he sobbed his way through historic London. Nothing could requite the fair maiden he was missing. Oh the drama of young love!

Searching for his girl, but no answer

But hopeless and forlorn is no way to act, so thankfully his father ordered him to call his girl. So he did. But he had the wrong number, Joelle had already moved to Chicago. Her old roommate gave David her new number and he called, but nothing – no answer, no answering machine, no caller ID, no way to leave her a message. He wasn’t even sure if the number was correct. He kept trying but nothing. In 1991, people could get lost easily. Tracking someone down wasn’t as easy as Facebook or Google. And it aroused a great fear, what if she wasn’t waiting for him!

Still yearning, David and his parents drove to Wales but his heart was in Chicago. His parents had enough of what had become a blubbering mess, and sent him back to London to fly home and find his girl. Upon arriving at Heathrow airport though, he was horrified to learn that the round-trip ticket his parents had bought him could only be used out of Paris. Talk about the wind being knocked out of you! So he caught a boat to France in Dover and continued his journey.

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The boat was filled with fellow students and they beckoned him to stay in France for new adventures – running with the bulls in Pamplona, a pretty young lady invited him to the coast with her friends – he turned them all down, he had to find his girl.

A one-way ticket to the rest of his life

Once he arrived in Paris, David headed straight for Charles De Gaulle airport. But getting back to Chicago wouldn’t be as easy as he thought. The United Airlines ticket line was utter chaos, and he was told it might be three weeks before he could get a seat and depart. He was almost in tears. But as fate would have it, he left through the British Airways wing to see ticket agents waiting on no one. He approached and asked, “you wouldn’t happen to have a ticket to Chicago today would you?”

“We do,” they answered, “but the plane leaves in 20 minutes.”

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It was a one-way ticket that cost twice that of the round-trip United Airlines ticket his parents had already paid for, so he had to use the “for emergencies only” credit card his parents had given him. Soon he was airborne and headed for Chicago. Surely, this counted as an emergency!

In the Windy City he found his girl and four years later they were married. It was only then that he told his family how he had paid for his expensive one-way ticket home with the “emergency” card. And no, David did not explain what happened during those four years and why it took so long for them to marry! We’ll have to rely on our imaginations.

Life is a mystery. Embrace your adventures, do crazy things for love, follow your heart. You don’t get a do-over of life, make it special.

Click here to read the full story in David’s own words.

Featured photo credit: by Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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