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We All Have This Friend Who Is Really Truly Annoying

We All Have This Friend Who Is Really Truly Annoying

I clamped my lips tight as I silently tracked the passing miles. We were on our way to a New Year’s Day Resolution Run and, as usual, my friend Christine talked and talked and TALKED – about herself.

She talked about how much training she had been doing. She talked about the extra gym classes she had taken. She changed tactics briefly and talked about her family… and if I remember correctly, she even paused momentarily to ask me a question.

That is Christine. She is both competitive and a talker.

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This was not news to me. Christine and I went to the same elementary, junior, and senior high school. Although we were not best friends, we did hang around each other. And a good part of the reason I limited my time with her was her tenacious habit of elaborating on her life down to every. last. detail.

Maybe you have a friend like Christine. Or one that clings desperately to you, gossips, steals your best ideas, talks on their cell phone constantly, brags about her Manolo Blahnik shoes and her brilliant kids, calls at supper time every night, or borrows your best sweater and brings it back with a pull in it. Whatever the offense, there comes a time when we consider calling it quits.

But before you pull the plug, here’s some food for thought:

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1. What Else Does She Bring to the Relationship?

Loyalty? Acceptance? Does she make your laugh so hard you pee yourself? Does she have your back? Can you tell her your deepest secrets and know for sure it’s locked in the bank. I know that what I tell Christine stays with Christine, and that means a lot.

2. Does She Help You Push Your Limits?

Does she encourage you to keep going when you think about quitting? Is she a champion of your skills and talents? Can you freely bounce ideas off her without fear of ridicule? Does she bring out your own competitive streak in a good way? When Christine and I spend time together, we’re doing stuff. Active stuff. And, I’ll admit it. I’m lazy. But with Christine, I will peddle the extra 5 miles, walk faster, and go outside in the freezing cold more often. I’ve done a sprint triathlon, a mud run, and a bunch of 5k runs, and it’s all due to the encouragement and support Christine gives me.

3. Does She Respect Your Boundaries?

Does she insist on getting together even though you desperately need some time alone? Does she allow you to choose the activities equally? Is she upset when you spend time with other friends? Is she just plain nosy? Is she okay if you suddenly have to cancel plans? Christine and I have known each other a long time, and she respects my need to occasionally disconnect or even cancel plans if I am feeling overwhelmed.

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4. Does Your Friend Keep You In The Real World?

Will she let you know if you are being an ass for no apparent reason? Will she answer honestly when you ask if your house smells like dog (yes, I’ve asked a friend this – and I hope she was honest!)? Does she yank your chain when you’re paying more attention to your cell phone than the parmigiana on your plate?

5. Can You Solve the Problem with Honesty?

Sometimes a simple but direct heart-to-heart-talk (handled lovingly) will make your friend aware of the situation and how much it bugs you. Conversations might be best opened using “I” or the sandwich technique. As in “I’ve decided this is the year I stop lending my books” or “I work so much harder when I’m biking with you, but I feel as if I am always supposed to compete. I prefer when you encourage me to do my personal best.” Or, you could just do what I did. When Christine started jabbering about her 6 mile walk again, I threw myself on her in a big hug, and jokingly remarked, “Oh, I know you’re Superwoman.”

6. Are you Under the Impression That You, as a Friend, Are Without Flaw?

Hahahaha…. Oh. I mean, really? As sanctimonious a friend as I can be, even I’m still aware of the annoying traits I possess. I’m whiny. And as mentioned before, I can be lazy. Combine the two and it’s a wonder Christine doesn’t use a whip to get me going. I can also be quite a grumpy friend without any apparent reason. So, if you are indeed a sterling model of friendship, then read on and make your final decision.

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Finally, 6 questions to help you process the decision:

  1. Are you still annoyed hours or days after you’ve spent time together?
  2. Does she make you feel unimportant or an after-thought?
  3. Is she constantly taking advantage?
  4. Are you a better person with or without her?
  5. Is her life a hot mess and she’s determined you go down with her?
  6. If your friend were no longer in your life, would you feel a void (answer this question when you are NOT annoyed)

Human nature dictates that we are all going to get annoyed at the people closest to us from time to time. With some it simply happens more frequently than others. A look at the big picture can sometimes remind us why it’s good to stick around.

Featured photo credit: Annoyed/Feliciano Guimarães via flickr.com

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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