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Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiveness is a very tricky thing. To truly forgive someone, you have to acknowledge that they did something bad or maybe even downright terrible to you, but look past it to value the things that they offer, all the while trying not to lose your dignity. I’ve had to forgive someone I was angry with at several different times in my life, for entirely different reasons. Here are some tricks I’ve learned throughout my life on how to forgive in a way that maintains your dignity and avoids losing a friend.

1. Remember your bond.

One time I was in a major feud with my own sibling. I didn’t think what he did was right, or fair, or even justifiable, but what I did to forgive him was remember how important a relationship between brothers is. Not only did we grow up together, but we would continue to see each other whether we wanted to or not, probably for the rest of our lives, due to family. That’s not even to mention the important fact that I love him, and could remember the good times with him that far outweighed one thing that greatly offended me. Since I was able to forgive him, my brother has become one of my closest friends if still not necessarily one of my favorite people.

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2. Think about worse things that have happened to you.

I forgave one person for something pretty bad they did to me almost immediately because I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life at the time. That made me realize that what a former buddy of mine did to me that caused me to stop talking to him paled in comparison to what I was so willing to so quickly absolve. I got in touch with him as soon as I came to that realization and our friendship became stronger despite the fracture. Always remember what you’ve been willing to forgive in the past before sacrificing a strong friendship just because of temporarily hurt feelings.

3. You don’t have to actually tell your friend that you forgive them.

This staple of forgiveness is understood by far too few people in the world. You should forgive because of what it does for you, not for the sake of the one who offended you. Sometimes you would lose respect in their eyes if you reached out to them and told them that you forgive them, especially if they didn’t do anything to earn that forgiveness. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t let go of your anger towards them quietly.

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The real power of forgiving someone else is to let yourself stop having negative emotions towards them that weigh you down. Making the offender feel better can sometimes be a plus, but in some cases it’s not your duty to absolve them of their guilt. As confusing as it may sound, you can be ready to forgive someone before you’re ready to tell them about it.

4. Think about what you’d lose.

Sometimes your pride, as valuable as it might be to you, isn’t worth what losing a friend would cost you on a social, emotional, or personal level. Even if you’re really angry with another person, you have to maintain a sense of pragmatism before you throw a friendship that’s spanned years out the window. Remember all the good times you’ve had together. In a lot of cases all of those good feelings will outweigh the nasty ones you’re experiencing at the moment. The importance of a good friendship is rarely overstated.

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Even if you don’t think your friend really deserves forgiveness, keep in mind that you’ll be the one who suffers the most from holding on to your anger.

Featured photo credit: forgive/timlewisnm via flickr.com

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Matt OKeefe

Freelance Writer, Marketer

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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