Advertising
Advertising

Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiveness is a very tricky thing. To truly forgive someone, you have to acknowledge that they did something bad or maybe even downright terrible to you, but look past it to value the things that they offer, all the while trying not to lose your dignity. I’ve had to forgive someone I was angry with at several different times in my life, for entirely different reasons. Here are some tricks I’ve learned throughout my life on how to forgive in a way that maintains your dignity and avoids losing a friend.

1. Remember your bond.

One time I was in a major feud with my own sibling. I didn’t think what he did was right, or fair, or even justifiable, but what I did to forgive him was remember how important a relationship between brothers is. Not only did we grow up together, but we would continue to see each other whether we wanted to or not, probably for the rest of our lives, due to family. That’s not even to mention the important fact that I love him, and could remember the good times with him that far outweighed one thing that greatly offended me. Since I was able to forgive him, my brother has become one of my closest friends if still not necessarily one of my favorite people.

Advertising

2. Think about worse things that have happened to you.

I forgave one person for something pretty bad they did to me almost immediately because I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life at the time. That made me realize that what a former buddy of mine did to me that caused me to stop talking to him paled in comparison to what I was so willing to so quickly absolve. I got in touch with him as soon as I came to that realization and our friendship became stronger despite the fracture. Always remember what you’ve been willing to forgive in the past before sacrificing a strong friendship just because of temporarily hurt feelings.

3. You don’t have to actually tell your friend that you forgive them.

This staple of forgiveness is understood by far too few people in the world. You should forgive because of what it does for you, not for the sake of the one who offended you. Sometimes you would lose respect in their eyes if you reached out to them and told them that you forgive them, especially if they didn’t do anything to earn that forgiveness. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t let go of your anger towards them quietly.

Advertising

The real power of forgiving someone else is to let yourself stop having negative emotions towards them that weigh you down. Making the offender feel better can sometimes be a plus, but in some cases it’s not your duty to absolve them of their guilt. As confusing as it may sound, you can be ready to forgive someone before you’re ready to tell them about it.

4. Think about what you’d lose.

Sometimes your pride, as valuable as it might be to you, isn’t worth what losing a friend would cost you on a social, emotional, or personal level. Even if you’re really angry with another person, you have to maintain a sense of pragmatism before you throw a friendship that’s spanned years out the window. Remember all the good times you’ve had together. In a lot of cases all of those good feelings will outweigh the nasty ones you’re experiencing at the moment. The importance of a good friendship is rarely overstated.

Advertising

Even if you don’t think your friend really deserves forgiveness, keep in mind that you’ll be the one who suffers the most from holding on to your anger.

Featured photo credit: forgive/timlewisnm via flickr.com

Advertising

More by this author

Matt OKeefe

Matt is a marketer and writer who shares about lifestyle and productivity tips on Lifehack.

15 Productive Things to Do When Bored (So Time Is Not Wasted) The 10 Best Online Dictionaries 15 Easy Ways For Everyone To Make Money With Social Media 7 Ways To Give Great Feedback This Is What The Cozy Home Designed By 2000 People Looks Like

Trending in Communication

1 How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 4 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 5 How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

Advertising

1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

Advertising

“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

Advertising

3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

Advertising

6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

More on Motivation

Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

Read Next