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Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiving To Keep A Lifelong Friend

Forgiveness is a very tricky thing. To truly forgive someone, you have to acknowledge that they did something bad or maybe even downright terrible to you, but look past it to value the things that they offer, all the while trying not to lose your dignity. I’ve had to forgive someone I was angry with at several different times in my life, for entirely different reasons. Here are some tricks I’ve learned throughout my life on how to forgive in a way that maintains your dignity and avoids losing a friend.

1. Remember your bond.

One time I was in a major feud with my own sibling. I didn’t think what he did was right, or fair, or even justifiable, but what I did to forgive him was remember how important a relationship between brothers is. Not only did we grow up together, but we would continue to see each other whether we wanted to or not, probably for the rest of our lives, due to family. That’s not even to mention the important fact that I love him, and could remember the good times with him that far outweighed one thing that greatly offended me. Since I was able to forgive him, my brother has become one of my closest friends if still not necessarily one of my favorite people.

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2. Think about worse things that have happened to you.

I forgave one person for something pretty bad they did to me almost immediately because I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life at the time. That made me realize that what a former buddy of mine did to me that caused me to stop talking to him paled in comparison to what I was so willing to so quickly absolve. I got in touch with him as soon as I came to that realization and our friendship became stronger despite the fracture. Always remember what you’ve been willing to forgive in the past before sacrificing a strong friendship just because of temporarily hurt feelings.

3. You don’t have to actually tell your friend that you forgive them.

This staple of forgiveness is understood by far too few people in the world. You should forgive because of what it does for you, not for the sake of the one who offended you. Sometimes you would lose respect in their eyes if you reached out to them and told them that you forgive them, especially if they didn’t do anything to earn that forgiveness. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t let go of your anger towards them quietly.

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The real power of forgiving someone else is to let yourself stop having negative emotions towards them that weigh you down. Making the offender feel better can sometimes be a plus, but in some cases it’s not your duty to absolve them of their guilt. As confusing as it may sound, you can be ready to forgive someone before you’re ready to tell them about it.

4. Think about what you’d lose.

Sometimes your pride, as valuable as it might be to you, isn’t worth what losing a friend would cost you on a social, emotional, or personal level. Even if you’re really angry with another person, you have to maintain a sense of pragmatism before you throw a friendship that’s spanned years out the window. Remember all the good times you’ve had together. In a lot of cases all of those good feelings will outweigh the nasty ones you’re experiencing at the moment. The importance of a good friendship is rarely overstated.

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Even if you don’t think your friend really deserves forgiveness, keep in mind that you’ll be the one who suffers the most from holding on to your anger.

Featured photo credit: forgive/timlewisnm via flickr.com

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Matt OKeefe

Matt is a marketer and writer who shares about lifestyle and productivity tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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