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I Am A Difficult Boss And I Know It

I Am A Difficult Boss And I Know It

Every leadership book I have ever read has outlined a long list of the different types of boss that a person can be. There’s the micromanager, the dictator, the abuser and the complete and utter idiot. There’s also the boss that can’t delegate, does not trust their team and has a hard time letting go.

These are all examples of bad bosses. A boss who cannot get over themselves enough to lead their team into battle is not a leader. That boss is a coward.

Out of all the leadership books on my shelf, I have yet to come across one that describes the kind of boss I am.

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I am a difficult boss. I know what I am. My team knows what I am. Even other managers know what I am.

From the outside, my management style is confusing. For those who are too used to dealing with the bosses already mentioned, I am an enigma. From the outside, I look like I might fall into the bad boss category. But if you spend five minutes on a team with someone like me, it becomes clear that I am not mean, controlling or an idiot. I am simply difficult.

A Difficult Boss Is Not a Bad Boss

Difficulty is a word with many negative connotations. Because of these preconceived ideas, too many people associate difficult bosses with being a bad boss. There is nothing further from the truth. A difficult boss will not shout obscenities at their team for the sake of it. They know how to delegate and how to trust the right people.

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A difficult boss is not a bad boss at all. In fact, a difficult boss is the kind of boss that anyone who wants to grow in their position wants to have. A difficult boss pushes you to become the best version of yourself at work. It’s a leadership style that sits comfortably between the overbearing boss who will only excuse you from a meeting if your dead and the kind of boss whose team walks all over them.

A Difficult Boss Is Not a Mean Boss

I do not heap praise on my team for mediocre work. For some people, this seems a harsh thing to say. In my eyes, it is not harsh. It is merely pragmatic.

A good boss values their employees. They will say please and thank you and recognize that they need their team to succeed. As a difficult boss, I do all of these things. I thank my barista at Starbucks for giving me the coffee I need to get through the day, why would I not thank my team?

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But while I understand social cues, I am not about to tell my team that they have done a fantastic job when they haven’t. Handing out praise left and right does not benefit anyone. My employees have to work to earn sincere and enthusiastic praise.

But if you ask them whether they think I am mean, they will tell you no. In fact, they appreciate that the praise they get is sincere and duly earned. It just feels better to know that when your boss tells you you’ve done a fantastic job, you actually did do a great job!

A Difficult Boss Wants More

As a difficult boss, I am not hard to please just because I feel like being that way. The reason that I demand more from my team is because I want more for them. I want to help them grow and develop both professionally and personally.

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I’m not an army drill sergeant. I do not need to berate my employees to force them to transcend their boundaries. But the principle is the same. You do not get what you do not ask for in life. I ask for more of my employees so that they give more. It is that simple.

A Difficult Boss Wants You To Grow

I do not want more for my team for my own gain. That kind of boss is a bad boss. Of course, I stand to benefit when my team excels. Wanting more for my team is about wanting them to grow.

I believe in my team and I know they are good, honorable people. But I also know that everyone sometimes need an extra incentive to reach their potential. In fact, I need that extra boost myself. When I see my team working to reach their potential, I am inspired to keep pushing myself along with them. That does not make be a bad boss or a selfish boss. It makes me a leader.

I am a difficult boss. Anyone will tell you that. But I am not a bad boss. If I was a bad boss, you would not be able to question it.

Featured photo credit: ylmworkshop via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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