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Alert: 7 Signs You Have A Toxic Friend

Alert: 7 Signs You Have A Toxic Friend

Have you ever been in a toxic friendship? I have and it just about destroyed me. It took time before I finally ended the relationship and restored my health. I also learned some things in the process so I won’t make the same mistake.

Toxic friendships are bad for your health. By the time you enter your adult years you will have encountered one or more. Maybe you are the type who attracts toxic friendships. Some people are like that. They have an active rescuing chip in the brain and they cannot seem to help themselves. Is that you?

Toxic is synonymous with poisonous, deadly, unhealthy. Your system is not made to exist with anything toxic. If you listen to your inner self it will alert you that the friend you chose is bad for your mental health. Here are 7 signs you have a toxic friend.

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Your friend needs to be the center of attention

Toxic people crave attention and they will get it in any form. They can be nice to be noticed. Or they create drama to draw attention toward themselves. Even negative attention accomplishes their goal.

A toxic friend can hijack your special event, like a birthday party or celebrating your recent promotion. When the focus of the moment should be on you, it somehow shifts to her. Why? Because toxic people struggle with insecurity and the way they cope is to keep the attention on them.

Your friend always takes and rarely gives

Toxic friends are always on the take. You are the “lending tree” and they are the “picker”. They want to borrow your car, clothes, money, and your precious time. When they call or text, the expectation is that you will respond immediately. If not, expect a flood of 911 messages to follow.

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When it is your turn to need support, don’t count on a toxic friend to respond. Your needs are not as important as what they are doing at the moment. A litany of excuses (many untrue) are given and you’re supposed to understand. After all, their problems are more important than yours. In reality, toxic people lack empathy, an important friendship trait.

Your friend uses guilt to control your friendship

Toxic friends are experts in making you feel sorry for them. They play the victim role at an Oscar award winning level. Because they create a lot of drama, you are at their beck and call. Guilt is an underlying current that dictates the relationship. You never know what might happen if you don’t respond when they call.

Individuals with a tendency to “rescue” or “fix” others are susceptible to toxic friendships. You think you can turn this person around, yet in the end, you are the one being controlled. Guilt keeps you responding.

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Your friend is impulsive and repeats bad behavior

Toxic people tend to be impulsive. They do not think about the outcome of their decisions. Instead, they just act in the moment. The problem is that often their impulsive behavior gets them in trouble.

Impulse control is a function in the brain that regulates behavior. It involves frustration tolerance, the ability restrain impulses and live within limits. People with poor and impulse control and lower frustration tolerance make decisions quickly and don’t factor in potential risks or consequences. At times you may feel like your banging your head against a wall trying to get a toxic friend to look at her behavior. It won’t work if she is ruled by her impulses. Which brings up the next toxic sign.

Your friend blames others for her faults

Have you noticed that your toxic friend creates a lot of problems? But does she accept responsibility for them? Toxic people usually blame others and rarely take ownership for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault. If you have a toxic friend then you’ve likely been blamed too!

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It is difficult to feel safe in a relationship with a friend who blames others for her problems. It can be like walking on eggshells around her. You know they are the problem but somehow they make you feel like you are. So here’s another sign.

Your friend makes you doubt yourself

A toxic friend can get into your head and make you doubt yourself. Suddenly, you’re questioning yourself and wondering what you’re doing wrong in the relationship. You may feel responsible for her problems. Some toxic people are so convinced in their minds about things and state their case with such conviction, it can mess with your head.

You want to end the friendship but feel trapped

As I mentioned earlier, guilt is one of the toxins that controls the relationship. Toxic people are very manipulative in friendships. It feels a little like Hotel California, “you can check out anytime you want but you can never leave.”

Good friendships don’t come with traps. You should have the freedom to be yourself and not be overburdened by drama. If this is not how it feels with your friend, it is likely because she is toxic. You may feel trapped but it doesn’t mean you are. Do not allow guilt or fear control you. You are free to walk away.

Featured photo credit: Dollar Photo Club via dollarphotoclub.com

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Last Updated on August 20, 2018

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Do you know that feeling? The one where you have to wake up to go to your boring 9-5 job to work with the same boring colleagues who don’t appreciate what you do.

I do, and that’s why I’ve decided to quit my job and follow my passion. This, however, requires a solid plan and some guts.

The one who perseveres doesn’t always win. Sometimes life has more to offer when you quit your current job. Yes, I know. It’s overwhelming and scary.

People who quit are often seen as ‘losers’. They say: “You should finish what you’ve started”.

I know like no other that quitting your job can be very stressful. A dozen questions come up when you’re thinking about quitting your job, most starting with: What if?

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“What if I don’t find a job I love and regret quitting my current job?”
“What if I can’t find another job and I get in debt because I can’t pay my bills?”
“What if my family and friends judge me and disapprove of the decisions I make?”
“What if I quit my job to pursue my dream, but I fail?

After all, if you admit to the truth of your surroundings, you’re forced to acknowledge that you’ve made a wrong decision by choosing your current job. But don’t forget that quitting certain things in life can be the path to your success!

One of my favorite quotes by Henry Ford:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Everything takes energy

Everything you do in life takes energy. It takes energy to participate in your weekly activities. It takes energy to commute to work every day. It takes energy to organize your sister’s big wedding.

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Each of the responsibilities we have take a little bit of our energy. We only have a certain amount of energy a day, so we have to spend it wisely.  Same goes for our time. The only things we can’t buy in this world are time and energy. Yes, you could buy an energy drink, but will it feel the same as eight hours of sleep? Will it be as healthy?

The more stress there is in your life, the less focus you have. This will weaken your results.

Find something that is worth doing

Do you have to quit every time the going gets touch? Absolutely not! You should quit when you’ve put everything you’ve got into something, but don’t see a bright future in it.

When you do something you love and that has purpose in your life, you should push through and give everything you have.

I find star athletes very inspiring. They don’t quit till they step on that stage to receive their hard earned gold medal. From the start, they know how much work its going to take and what they have to sacrifice.

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When you do something you’re really passionate about, you’re not in a downward spiral. Before you even start you can already see the finish line. The more focus you have for something, the faster you’ll reach the finish.

It is definitely possible to spend your valuable time on something you love and earn money doing it. You just have to find out how — by doing enough research.

Other excuses I often hear are:

“But I have my wife and kids, who is going to pay the bills?”
“I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy with… stuff” (Like watching TV for 2 hours every day.)
“At least I get the same paycheck every month if I work for a boss.”
“Quitting my job is too much risk with this crisis.”

I understand those points. But if you’ve never tried it, you’ll never know how it could be. The fear of failure keeps people from stepping out of their comfort zone.

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I’ve heard many people say, “I work to let my children make their dream come true”. I think they should rephrase that sentence to: “I pursue my dreams — to inspire and show my children anything is possible.” 

Conclusion

Think carefully about what you spend your time on. Don’t waste it on things that don’t brighten your future. Instead, search for opportunities. And come up with a solid plan before you take any impulsive actions.

Only good things happen outside of your comfort zone.

Do you dare to quit your job for more success in life?

Featured photo credit: Jadon Barnes via images.unsplash.com

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