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For Busy People: How To Make Your Relationship New Every Day

For Busy People: How To Make Your Relationship New Every Day

We all have a lot of things on our daily to-do lists. Even if it’s stuff closely related to our goals in life, we still need to get back to reality and dedicate time to the small things that matter. At the end of the day, they are the things that actually make a difference.

I’m talking about finding the time to improve our relationships, to say something nice to our loved ones, to ask them about their day, and listen to them with a smile on our face. Take the time to remember how you first felt when you fell in love. Remind your partner of these emotions whenever possible.

We all know we should be doing that, but with everything going on throughout the busy day, we come home exhausted and just want some time for ourselves. Unfortunately, if we let things be like that, it soon becomes a habit. We may not notice that right away, but the ones closest to us do. They may even be hurt by the lack of attention.

That’s why you should start doing something small daily to remind them that you’re here and you still care, even though you’re busy.

Here are some little things to do daily to renew your relationships:

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1. Practice random acts of kindness to remind people that they are loved.

It may be a small gift every now and then, an unexpected call at work, preparing a meal when they don’t feel well, or doing most of the work at home so that they can relax. For example, I sometimes call my mom on Skype just to have a quick chat with her since we live in different countries. She’s always happy to hear my voice and see my smile. I also send messages to friends whom I have not spoken to in a while, just to see how they are doing.

All these seemingly small things can make someone’s day. The most important thing is that they are random. The other person doesn’t expect them. Furthermore, once it happens, they see you’ve been thinking about them and are doing something special, even though you don’t need to.

In the long-term that can keep a relationship alive, or even renew an existing one.

2. Be a good listener.

We speak too much and listen too little these days. Most of all, we crave to be heard.

To overcome this, sit down every day for 10-20 minutes and pay your whole attention to what the other person has to say. Don’t interrupt. Don’t try to express opinion or talk about yourself, simply listen and try to read between the lines.

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You may ask questions to make him feel comfortable, so they can share what’s on their mind. Once they start talking, let go of anything else that distracts you and focus on their words.

For me, this is always during meal times. My wife and I have a rule where we put away our phones when we eat so we can concentrate on each other. It takes no time at all, but can become a powerful ritual of connection and compassion. Accordingly, your relationship will thrive.

3. Don’t judge and criticize loved ones during the short time you spend together daily.

It’s easy to constantly criticize people, expect more from them, and judge everything they do; however, it’s also completely wrong. To make matters worse, someone usually gets hurt in the process.

Instead, accept them for who they are. We’re talking about people you love here, so there are many reasons to appreciate them. You’ve chosen to be a big part of each other’s lives, so remind yourself of the main reasons more often.

Soon you’ll stop judging these people, and will be grateful for having them around instead. They will feel loved and more comfortable being themselves around you. This makes your relationships grow stronger over time.

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I have a number of friends who consistently do things which I find incredibly silly or self-destructive. I have long decided to accept them for their faults and just be there to support them when they need it. This has made it a lot easier for me to let go of my frustrations and just enjoy their company instead.

4. Establish traditions and make them a priority.

If you want to make your relationship with someone you love new every day, but are really busy, create a tradition. It means making time for a conversation, or a meal, or to gather with friends in the evening. It could be anything.

Start with once a week, if you can’t make time daily, but stick to it. Make it your top priority. Once you see how beneficial it is to the relationship, you’ll see it’s worth finding time for it each day.

I make sure to bathe my daughter every day. It is our special time in the shower together and she enjoys talking to me. She also enjoys “helping me” wash my hair. Even when I get home late, she will wait for me so she can have that time with me. I really love this precious time together.

5. Be completely honest with the other person.

It’s important to say everything as it is. If you see that things between you are going in the wrong direction, talk about it. Say it directly. Also, share the fact that you don’t make enough time for that person and feel bad about it. This way they will see you still care and are ready to make changes.

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If you never talk about it, they may think you haven’t even noticed that things are bad and don’t care. That may mean losing the person without realizing, only because you haven’t been honest and they have moved on without you. Don’t let that happen.

My wife and I have agreed that we will always be truthful with each other, even if it means letting each other know that the other party looks fat in that new pair of jeans. It helps so we don’t go out looking like crap!

Conclusion

No matter how busy you are, make some time daily to renew your relationships. Hopefully, with these tips you can improve your relationships and live an even happier life.

Featured photo credit: Couple d’amoureaux dans une brasserie parisienne / Jean-Marc PAYET on Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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