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How to Understand the Russian Smile: When and Why Its Appropriate

How to Understand the Russian Smile: When and Why Its Appropriate

People often wonder why Russians smile so little. It seems strange to many people who expect a smile for every little thing, especially when working in the service industries. Everyone smiles at you and it is taken as a sign of acceptance, politeness, and is expected or even demanded. We often judge the quality of the service on a smile! Perhaps we are all smiling too often?

Russians have different beliefs about smiling

The Russians have a different idea about smiling and in many ways, it is more sincere and direct. The bottom line is that you never smile unless there is a genuine reason to do so. Here are some tips to understand when and how Russians put this into practice. This should help if you are planning a visit to Russia so that you understand what is really going on. It should also give you a better idea of understanding Russian people when you meet them.

Smiles are not necessary at work

Russians take work seriously and they feel there is no need to smile at passport control because they are getting on with their job. They do not know you, so why should they smile? Russian school children are often reprimanded for smiling by their teachers as it is interpreted as idling. Russian kids often hear their teacher saying, “What are you smiling at? Write!”

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Smiles are not used when driving

A British journalist living in Siberia was puzzled that Russians never acknowledged with a smile or thank you, when motorists stopped to let them cross the street. A Russian acquaintance asked him, “Why should you thank someone for not killing you?”

Smiles are used sparingly

If you go around Russia smiling at everyone and everything, Russians will probably think that you are a fool! You must have a good reason to smile, otherwise you may appear as being rather naïve and idiotic.

“The laugh without reason – is the sign of stupidity.” – Russian proverb

Smiles are important

Russians are at first impressed when they visit Europe or the USA because everyone is smiling at them! After a while, the awful truth sinks in because they realize there is nothing at all behind those smiles. No genuine friendship or real sincerity. They think all those smiles are wasted.

Smiles are a precious commodity

A Russian smiles when there is a real reason to do so. It may reflect a particularly happy moment, great fortune, or good news. They really do have something to smile about and smiles are highly valued.

Smiles must be genuine

When Russians see you smiling at them they immediately become uneasy. It is seen as a rather suspicious because they do not know you or they do not have any reason to rejoice. It can even be a negative feature and they may even think you are laughing at them. That is why they do not smile back!

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Smiles are not a sign of happiness

Russians do not feel that smiles are a genuine measure of how sullen or gloomy a person may feel. It goes much deeper than that. Judging a person’s character on a smile is really rather superficial.

Smiles are reserved for personal affection and friendship

Russians will smile at their friends and use it to express genuine affection or friendship. When you smile at a Russian and you have never met them, they may be puzzled and start wondering where or if you have met before.

Smiles must always be in context

You may think that an encouraging smile is priceless when someone is ill or facing enormous difficulties. Russians view these smiles as inappropriate in that sort of context. They are just out of place.

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Russian smiles are usually genuine, sincere and reserved for moments of affection, friendship and celebrations. Their smiles are telling you something important.

Let’s face it. Smiling may be interpreted and understood in a myriad of ways depending on cultural differences. Look at the British who have the so-called “stiff upper lip” or the Japanese who tend to cover their mouths when smiling and laughing. Psychologists have identified sixteen different types of smiles- you can see the full list here. Far too complicated – give me a genuine Russian smile any day!

“You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it’s just teeth.” – Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Featured photo credit: Veni/Flickr via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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