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5 Reasons To Say Honestly, “I Am Unhappy.”

5 Reasons To Say Honestly, “I Am Unhappy.”

I’m fine…I’m good…everything is OK.

These are some of the typical responses we give when someone asks how we’re doing, regardless of how we are actually feeling. When we are truly frustrated, angry, sad, or even depressed, we tend to deny those feelings, both to ourselves and to others.

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When you lost that baseball game, your dad may have told you to “suck it up” and try harder next time. Maybe your well-meaning best friend warned you against having a heart-to-heart with your beau, lest you push him away.

Although you were socialized to believe that you are a burden, weak, or a downer for expressing your feelings, the truth is that talking it out is the first step towards boosting your mood. Here are five reasons why speaking up is the key to your emotional well-being.

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1. You need support from your friends.

When you are feeling low, the last thing you want to do is go out dancing at that new club with your friends. You avoid being social, fearing that you’ll have to lie again when someone asks you how you’re doing. Stop lying and tell them how you really feel! They are your friends, and they want to be there for you. An added benefit is that getting out and having fun may get you out of your emotional rut.

2. Help yourself, help someone else.

Everyone experiences setbacks and challenges that lead to feelings of defeat and discouragement. In fact, someone you know may be going though something tough and also need a shoulder to lean on. When you share your feelings, you invite others to share theirs. You may find yourself giving good advice to a friend or family member, giving you the confidence and motivation to work through your own issues.

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3. Improve your relationship.

Communication is one of the keys to a lasting, healthy relationship. Failing to share your feelings with the one you love is a surefire way to alienate your partner. When you enter a relationship, magical thinking often comes into play where you assume that the other person should know how you’re feeling because they should know you. Your partner may be many things, but a mind reader he is not. If you are not happy with an aspect of your relationship, you must speak up about it. Not only will it liberate you, it will also give the other person a chance to work on the problem with you to improve the relationship.

4. Your health depends on it.

Studies show that bottling up your emotions can have negative effects on your physical health. Wondering why you can’t sleep, eat, or have nagging headaches? It could be because you are stuffing your feelings. In addition to perpetuating your emotional turmoil, keeping mum about your misery can also make you sick. If you have ruled out serious health conditions, you may want to consider opening up to a close friend or loved one about your unhappiness. It could reverse some of those physical symptoms you’ve been having.

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5. You deserve to be happy.

Positive psychology tells us so. But, on a practical level, you really do deserve the same happiness and contentment that others have. Why? Because you are alive! You can make an impact on others’ lives, whether it is on a global scale, in your community, or in the small circle of your family and friends. Stifling your feelings not only robs you of your right to happiness, it also keeps others from having the opportunity to experience the benefit of having a relationship with the real you. Take control of your emotions and share your feelings with someone today!

Featured photo credit: ira-5 via flickr.com

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Malika Boyd

Social Worker

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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