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What It’s Like To Fall In Love With Mr. Maybe Instead Of Mr. Right

What It’s Like To Fall In Love With Mr. Maybe Instead Of Mr. Right

A few years back, I met a guy on a dating site that I thought was the perfect guy for me. He was good-looking, funny, creative, an entrepreneur, and smart. Even though we hadn’t met in person yet, I felt a really strong connection to him. And from my understanding, he felt it too. I honestly thought that he was my soulmate. Turns out, we really weren’t that compatible at all. Even though I knew that he was trouble, I was always making excuses for him when my family saw through him the entire time, but I eventually let him go. He’s the kind of guy that would be considered “Mr. Maybe” instead of “Mr. Right.” How do you know if the guy that you’re with is “Mr. Maybe?” Read this list to find out.

Traits of Mr. Maybe

  1. Maybe he’s not annoyed with you, he just needs some space to think things through.
  2. Maybe he is really excited to meet you one day, he’s just been super busy.
  3. Maybe he was listening to you; he just didn’t know what to say.
  4. Maybe he has no way of transportation, so that’s why he hasn’t met up with you yet.
  5. Maybe he really does want to talk to you at 1 in the morning just to catch up with you.
  6. Maybe he doesn’t just want you for sex, it’s just been so long since he’s been in a relationship.
  7. Maybe he really does love you; he just doesn’t want to get hurt again in the long run and doesn’t know how to show his love for you.
  8. Maybe he doesn’t want to continue with a long distance relationship and that’s why he doesn’t call or text as much.
  9. Maybe he really is trying his best to show you that he cares.
  10. Maybe he will be available to hang out with you sometime this week, depending on his schedule.
  11. Maybe he doesn’t mind your clothes, skin color, hair, or body type; he just wants you to change a few minor things.
  12. Maybe he is intimidated by your looks or talents and doesn’t feel worthy of your presence.
  13. Maybe he won’t say, “I love you” anymore because he wants to take things slower.
  14. Maybe his family really needs him right now, so he can’t talk to you as much.
  15. Maybe he got distracted by something or someone and forgot to call or text you.
  16. Maybe he doesn’t want to hold your hand until things are “official.”
  17. Maybe he does respect your beliefs and wishes, he just wants you to see and understand his point of view too.
  18. Maybe he thinks you’d be an amazing girlfriend, he just doesn’t believe he deserves you.
  19. Maybe he’s not ready for someone like you to love him.
  20. Maybe he does want to settle down with you, now is just not the right time.

It’s been almost two years since the last time I spoke with “Mr. Maybe,” and I feel like my life has been a lot happier without him. Whenever I tried to make contact with him again, things ended the same way each time – he would ghost me and I wouldn’t hear from him for months. I made the mistake of ignoring all the red flags I saw in the very beginning of the relationship; I was settling because I was so desperate for someone to love me. My advice to anyone reading this is to never ignore red flags or settle for less. You don’t have to be desperate for someone to love you; you are amazing just the way you are. You deserve better.

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Featured photo credit: Calvin Lee via flickr.com

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Jamisha Pettis

Freelancer

Science Says Screaming Is Good For You What It’s Like To Fall In Love With Mr. Maybe Instead Of Mr. Right

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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