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Why Two Shouldn’t Become One in Relationships

Why Two Shouldn’t Become One in Relationships

Almost everyone has had someone else refer to their partner as their “other half.” It is a term of endearment used in relationships meant to show that you love someone so much, they complete you or make you whole.

The idea is romantic, and the aspiration of being the perfect fit is comforting. People looking for a relationship often go out looking for someone who makes them feel alive and makes them want to be the best version of themselves. Nevertheless, while the bond formed between two true partners is difficult to break, it also needn’t be all-consuming.

Having a strong relationship does not mean that you need to lose yourself in it. In fact, having a strong relationship means that you are free to maintain a level of independence. This autonomy is crucial not only for the health of the relationship but for your own life.

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As the saying goes, “before you love someone else, you must first love yourself.”

Independence gives you the strength to support each other.

Independence does not mean making decisions without considering your partner, such as undertaking expensive repairs for homeowners without consulting anyone. It also does not mean that you should put yourself above your partner or your relationship.

Independence means having your own life and your own individuality. Independence means spending time what are interesting and meaningful to you. Only so can one be self-sufficient and strong enough to support and love one’s partner.

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Interdependence lifts your self esteem.

Achieving a healthy level of independence actually means achieving a healthy level of dependence at the same time. It means intelligently allowing yourself to rely on your partner’s strong suits when you are feeling weak.

Interdependence is a lot like independence but it gives you the best of both worlds. Being independent can leave you feeling lonely. Interdependence allows you to be a strong person who is able to be in a committed relationship but still does not have to compromise your own values to do so.

According to psychologists, a mutually health dependency lifts both of your self-esteem. This healthy dependency requires trust and support and both of those things are fostered through togetherness.

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Being interdependent is the best way that you can interact with those close to you. Whether it is a partner, a family member or a close friend, maintaining the sanctity of the relationship while still leaving room for yourself is the best way to love yourself and love others.

It’s okay to ask for help if you need it.

Novelists, columnists and Hollywood screen writers will tell you that you are only in love if you get lost in your relationship. They are wrong. Love is the solid bedrock upon which a lasting relationship is built. But at some point, you need to move past that love that you have for yourselves as a couple. You need to begin to nurture your relationship as an entity that includes not only yourselves as a couple but both of you as separate individuals as well. Only when individualities are allowed to grow in an relationship can the relationship be long lasting and healthy.

When you are in a healthy relationship, you should never be afraid of struggling on your own. It is okay to rely on someone else sometimes. As long as you remember that part of the balance is loving the individuals in your relationship as much as you love the relationship as much as you love both people in it, you can have a healthy, interdependent relationship.

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As another old saying goes, “nobody can go it alone.” As it turns out, this is not a bad thing.

Featured photo credit: Matthew G via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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