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Why Two Shouldn’t Become One in Relationships

Why Two Shouldn’t Become One in Relationships

Almost everyone has had someone else refer to their partner as their “other half.” It is a term of endearment used in relationships meant to show that you love someone so much, they complete you or make you whole.

The idea is romantic, and the aspiration of being the perfect fit is comforting. People looking for a relationship often go out looking for someone who makes them feel alive and makes them want to be the best version of themselves. Nevertheless, while the bond formed between two true partners is difficult to break, it also needn’t be all-consuming.

Having a strong relationship does not mean that you need to lose yourself in it. In fact, having a strong relationship means that you are free to maintain a level of independence. This autonomy is crucial not only for the health of the relationship but for your own life.

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As the saying goes, “before you love someone else, you must first love yourself.”

Independence gives you the strength to support each other.

Independence does not mean making decisions without considering your partner, such as undertaking expensive repairs for homeowners without consulting anyone. It also does not mean that you should put yourself above your partner or your relationship.

Independence means having your own life and your own individuality. Independence means spending time what are interesting and meaningful to you. Only so can one be self-sufficient and strong enough to support and love one’s partner.

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Interdependence lifts your self esteem.

Achieving a healthy level of independence actually means achieving a healthy level of dependence at the same time. It means intelligently allowing yourself to rely on your partner’s strong suits when you are feeling weak.

Interdependence is a lot like independence but it gives you the best of both worlds. Being independent can leave you feeling lonely. Interdependence allows you to be a strong person who is able to be in a committed relationship but still does not have to compromise your own values to do so.

According to psychologists, a mutually health dependency lifts both of your self-esteem. This healthy dependency requires trust and support and both of those things are fostered through togetherness.

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Being interdependent is the best way that you can interact with those close to you. Whether it is a partner, a family member or a close friend, maintaining the sanctity of the relationship while still leaving room for yourself is the best way to love yourself and love others.

It’s okay to ask for help if you need it.

Novelists, columnists and Hollywood screen writers will tell you that you are only in love if you get lost in your relationship. They are wrong. Love is the solid bedrock upon which a lasting relationship is built. But at some point, you need to move past that love that you have for yourselves as a couple. You need to begin to nurture your relationship as an entity that includes not only yourselves as a couple but both of you as separate individuals as well. Only when individualities are allowed to grow in an relationship can the relationship be long lasting and healthy.

When you are in a healthy relationship, you should never be afraid of struggling on your own. It is okay to rely on someone else sometimes. As long as you remember that part of the balance is loving the individuals in your relationship as much as you love the relationship as much as you love both people in it, you can have a healthy, interdependent relationship.

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As another old saying goes, “nobody can go it alone.” As it turns out, this is not a bad thing.

Featured photo credit: Matthew G via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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