Menopause can be a difficult time for a woman. Add one adolescent son and you have a volatile mix of a short-tempered, often angry mother and a selfish, grunting, self-centered son. For me, I feel like I am on a constant emotional roller coaster that I wish would stop. My son’s adolescent journey is at a time when I am least able to cope, yet a time the most is required of me.
I want to love my son, and he wants to love me, but all we do is clash with each other nearly every day with the most mundane of things. The one glimmer of hope is that throughout this journey we are able to discuss how we are feeling, once the dust has settled! B. was able to sit down with me this evening to help me with ideas for this article.
This is my discussion with my son B. (name withheld at his request!) We came up with 5 aspects that we do not like about ourselves that we seem to have no control over due to our hormones. We both agreed that there are aspects about ourselves that we do not like, yet have trouble controlling.
1. Lashing out/anger outbursts that seem to be beyond our control
Son: This is bullsh*t. Why do I have to do the dishes, they are only going to get dirty again.
Translation: I am trying to get you angry so you say I do not have to do it. It works half the time.
Mother: I have cooked the dinner, why should I have to clean the dishes. I admit it, this may not be spoken in soft, loving words, but as an anger outburst, which only adds fuel to the flames.
Translation: I am tired of being treated like a maid. You are now an adult and therefore, should be helping out more in the home.
2. Pimples vs wrinkles
When our children are moving through adolescence, Mount Vesuvius seems to erupt on the face, upper chest and back. At least, B. acne will one day clear one day.
My lack of estrogen has wrinkles developing on my once flawless complexion. It only seems like yesterday that I was agonising over my acne woes. Now I look back on photos and wonder why did I not enjoy my wrinkle free skin more, acne and all!
3. Weight gain vs high metabolism
This is one aspect that is just not fair. I pay close attention to my diet as the slightest deviation has me putting on weight in the middle despite running every day, walking the dog, doing the household chores and finally falling into bed in a heap after a long day.
B. sits at his computer playing games, gives me backchat when I force him out of the house to come for a walk and enjoy the sunshine, eats junk food galore (no matter how many times I have banned it from the house he finds a way to get it in) and eats whatever he chooses. Despite all this, he has the body of a Lothario, lean and like a “tank”. His testosterone is so high that there is not one ounce of fat on him.
For me, in menopause, testosterone is an all-time low, and this means more fat and less muscle, which in turn means more work for me to keep my body in tip-top shape.
4.Obsessed with sex vs my non-existant libido
I did refer to B. as a Lothario! He has numerous equally hormonally-controlled females all vying for his attention. He is the king of the castle and loving all the adoration.
I, on the other hand, refers to date night as a night when I do not have to cook or do the dishes and get to relax and read a book that I can immerse myself into for the evening. Sex is the furthest from my mind, much to the chagrin of poor hubby!
5. Need to be needed
This was the last comment that my son relayed to me and surprised me.
At the end of it all, I need to be needed. I still need your love, even if I come across as aloof.
This quote was from my son, no me. Not the hormonal menopausal women.
At the end of the day, we have the same basic needs and that is love and attention, with a little bit of forgiveness!