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Why You’ll Always Be Closest To Friends You Met When You Were Young

Why You’ll Always Be Closest To Friends You Met When You Were Young

My first best friend and I met during recess, as is often the case. I don’t recall the exact circumstances or how we introduced ourselves. It probably involved booger flicking or farting, the likes of which neither of us had yet observed in any other second graders on the playground before. Whatever seven-year-old chords were struck, we were destined to be best friends for quite some time.

I recall around fifth grade we had both decided on what we were going to do with our futures. The dye was cast and there was no turning back. He had decided he would become an astronaut so he could live on the moon and I was going to be a professional soccer player (Manchester United, I believe, was the team I would play for had they asked nicely). It is this unguarded innocence of being a child and dreaming with no checks or balances that proves why you’ll always be closest to friends you met when you were young.

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My first best friend and I drifted apart during high school. One day, I realized that I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year except for passing in halls. It seemed like a mutually unintentional separation at the time. I still don’t fully understand it. However, I can tell you this, we haven’t spoken since and I still think about him quite often at thirty-seven years old. In stark contrast, I think very little of the thousands of people I have met since.

He went on to become a doctor from what I hear. I went on to not play for Manchester United or even the Houston Dynamos.

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We seem to make a lot of plans as children, which are hinged upon our imaginations, like fantasy-filled interactions with doll houses, castles, tea party sets, race cars, Barbies, and baseball cards. However, once we finally become adults, we realize there were a lot of unforeseeable events along the way.

Where there was once raw imagination and limitlessness there are now realities and barriers. Here’s the thing, though. If these realities and barriers weren’t in place then we would all eventually be getting job promotions, layoffs, transfers, colonoscopies, clean bills of health, or cancer diagnoses with an adolescent mindset. I think this transformation, or process of hardening, we all go through is perfectly natural, but I also find it tragic that imagination and innocence must be sacrificed for the ability to be fully functioning adults.

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Establishing new friendships as an adult is a vastly different arena to play in. We are thick-skinned, we all have our own problems, we have very little time, and the friendships we already have from our pasts are challenging enough to maintain… but they are treasured and worth it.

“I never had any friends later on like the one’s I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

This quote is the final line of Rob Reiner’s 1986 film Stand By Me. It could not be more spot on. A funny thing about getting older is occasionally running into someone from your past and them seeing right through the rigid, stoic, and possibly cynical armor you now protect yourself with. This armor is for the adults you have met after high school and will continue to meet. Unfortunately, this armor gets thicker each year.

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Yet, you run into this friend from the past and the armor vanishes in a single moment. You pick up exactly where you left off twenty or thirty years ago and for a priceless moment you get to be innocent and dream like a child again.

Featured photo credit: capes via littleherocapes.com

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Last Updated on December 16, 2018

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

We all look for a better and happier life, but somehow we realize it’s our attitude that makes it hard to lead the life we want. How can we build a positive attitude? Grant Mathews has listed out the things (from the easiest to the hardest) we can do to cultivate this attitude on Quora:

1. Listen to good music.

Music definitely improves your mood, and it’s a really simple thing to do.

2. Don’t watch television passively.

Studies have shown that people who watch TV less are happier, which leads me to my next point…

3. Don’t do anything passively.

Whenever I do something, I like to ask myself if, at the end of the day, I would be content saying that I had spent time doing it. (This is why I block sites I find myself wasting too much time on. I enjoy them, but they’re just not worth it when I could be learning something new, or working on projects I care about.)

Time is incredibly valuable.

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4. Be aware of negativity

A community that considers itself intelligent tends to be negativity because criticizing is seen as a signaling mechanism to indicate that you’re more intelligent than the person you corrected. This was irrationally frustrating for me – it’s one of those things you’ll stay up all night to think about.

5. Make time to be alone.

I initially said “take time just to be alone.” I changed it because if you don’t ensure you can take a break, you’ll surely be interrupted.

Being with other people is something you can do to make you happy, but I don’t include it in this list because nearly everyone finds time to talk with friends. On the other hand, spending time just with yourself is almost considered a taboo.

Take some time to figure out who you are.

6. Exercise.

This is the best way to improve your immediate happiness.

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Exercise probably makes you happy. Try and go on a run. You’ll hate yourself while doing it, but the gratification that you get towards the end vastly outweighs the frustration of the first few attempts. I can’t say enough good things about exercise.

Exercising is also fantastic because it gives you time alone.

7. Have projects.

Having a goal, and moving towards it, is a key to happiness.

You have to realize though that achieving the goal is not necessarily what makes you happy – it’s the process. When I write music, I write it because writing is inherently enjoyable, not because I want to get popular (as if!).

8. Take time to do the things you enjoy.

That’s very general, so let me give you a good example.

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One of the things that has really changed my life was finding small communities centered around activities I enjoy. For instance, I like writing music, so I’m part of a community that meets up to write a song for an hour every week. I love the community. I’ve also written a song every week, 37 weeks in a row, which has gradually moved me towards larger goals and makes me feel very satisfied.

9. Change your definition of happiness.

Another reason I think I’m more happy than other people is because my definition of happiness is a lot more relaxed than most people’s. I don’t seek for some sort of constant euphoria; I don’t think it’s possible to live like that. My happiness is closer to stability.

10. Ignore things that don’t make you happy.

I get varying reactions to this one.

The argument goes “if something is making you unhappy, then you should find out why and improve it, not ignore it.” If you can do that, great. But on the other hand, there’s no reason to mope about a bad score on a test.

There’s another counterargument: perhaps you’re moping because your brain is trying to work out how to improve. In fact, this is the key purpose of depression: Depression’s Upside – NYTimes.com

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I can think of examples that go both ways. I remember, for instance, when I was debating a year or two ago and my partner and I would lose a round, I would mull over what we had done wrong for a long time. In that way, I got immensely better at debate (and public speaking in general – did you know debate has amazing effects on your public speaking ability? But now I really digress).

On the other hand, there’s no way that mulling over how dumb you were for missing that +x term on the left hand side will make you better at math. So stop worrying about it, and go practice math instead.

11. Find a way to measure your progress, and then measure it.

Video games are addictive for a reason: filling up an experience bar and making it to the next level is immensely satisfying. I think that it would be really cool if we could apply this concept to the real world.

I put this near the bottom of the list because, unfortunately, this hasn’t been done too often in the real world – startup idea, anyone? So you would have to do it yourself, which is difficult when you don’t even know how much you’ve progressed.

For a while, I kept a log of the runs I had taken, and my average speed. It was really cool to see my improvement over the weeks. (Also, I was exercising. Combining the two was fantastic for boosting happiness.)

12. Realize that happiness is an evolutionary reward, not an objective truth.

It’s easy to see that this is correct, but this is at the bottom of the list for a reason.

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