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8 Ways Money Can Destroy Your Relationship

8 Ways Money Can Destroy Your Relationship

It can be very sensitive to open up to your significant other about your finances. It’s no secret that money is closely related to personal vulnerabilities and self-esteem. Money plays an important part in many aspects of day-to-day life, but it may be getting in the way of the things that really matter to you; love and relationships.

Ask yourself the following questions and be honest.  If your answer is yes, it’s time to reassess your relationship goals and talk with your partner.

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1. Does money come before your partner?

If you make money the top priority, then your relationship is going to take the backseat, no matter how you want to justify or make up for it.  What you focus on is what you are going to get. If you spend more time and energy on accumulating wealth and neglect your partner’s wants and needs, your relationship will suffer. Money is there for convenience to enjoy the benefits money ultimately brings… hopefully with your partner.  If your life revolves around money, you give money the power to control you and your relationship. Don’t be surprise to see how quickly it will tear you apart.

2. Did you choose your partner for money?

Money can be icing on the cake in a healthy relationships. It can help you pay for a nice vacation together or buy a house to start a family. However, if you decide to be with someone because he or she is financially well-off and able to provide you and your family, forget the true love or having a fulfilling relationship. Little by little, you will end up feeling empty inside and money won’t fill that void for you. No matter how corny it sounds, money can’t buy love. Millions of dollars just can’t make you feel butterflies in your stomach and a desire to commit to someone for life. You want someone to fall in love with you for who you are, not your wallet.

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3. Are you in competition with your partner over income?

Your partner is not your competitor. There is no need to claim who earns more money. If you are making more than your partner, but don’t recognize your partner’s hard work, he or she won’t feel appreciated and will become resentful. It doesn’t matter how small his or her contribution is, be supportive and work on the goal to improve each other’s well-being.

4. Are you upset that your partner keeps spending your money?

It’s best to come up with some spending or saving rules as early as possible in the relationship. Otherwise, you risk having a big argument and feeling resentful or angry, which can start a fight, and eventually harm your relationship. When you have different family histories or approaches to using money there can be problems. You tend to expect your partner to handle money by the way money was handled in your home growing up. Try to get an understanding of your partner’s financial upbringing to bridge the gap and come to the solution that serves both of you.

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5. Do you fight over money too often?

Have you argued with your partner about something minor or tedious and found it actually has something to do with money problems? If you find yourself lashing out at your partner over things that you truly aren’t angry about because you are harboring secret venom over money issues, deep down you have a money trouble in your relationship and it’s time to talk it out with your partner. Remember while you are having a heated discussion over money to see the bigger picture and what’s more important to you and your partner.

6. Do you keep secrets about your finances?

If you truly want to trust someone, and have them trust you, then you need to be open and transparent with them about most things, especially your finances.  It’s important to discuss where you are financially, particularly if you plan to move in together or eventually get married.  Not only will simply failing to tell your partner about your financial position potentially cause a lack of trust, but if you wait too long, you may later find out that you and your partner are on completely different paths as far as finances go. This can be devastating to the relationship because money issues can cause feelings of shame, fear and resentment which are sometimes hard to get past.

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7. Are you a selfish, money-grubbing, or materialist?

Money can cause greed within us. It is easy to get caught up in the money trap. You can’t do much or get anywhere without money today, and this causes us to be greedy. If you always want to have the best of the best, it starts to change the way you handle relationships and time with your significant other. You are willing to do anything to make more money and keep it to yourself even if it is something you have to sacrifice your relationship. Ironically if you sacrifice your relationship for merely building your wealth, you have a reasonable chance of losing both.

8. Are you the CEO, COO and CFO in your household?

Money decisions should be made together. When only one person takes control of the finances, this can enhance money stress in your relationship. And if you or your partner gets angry or upset when the other person tries to have a say in a discussion, this can come off as controlling.  This will surely backfire and damage a relationship at the speed of light.  So the best course is to develop a plan where you both stay on the same page in regards to what’s going on with the money and where you are headed financially, together.

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Kris Lee

Emotional health and communication writer

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Last Updated on February 19, 2020

15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

Books give us the opportunity to live vicariously through the lives of people with greater wisdom than ourselves. They stimulate our brains and help us not only solve the problems we struggle with, but also motivate and inspire us with new ideas.

One of the great things about people who think positively and live happy lives is that they love to help others do the same. There are countless positive-thinking books and these 15 are a great way to help you start living a happy life.

1. Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

mans search for meaning

    This book goes through the horrific struggle of Viktor Frankl who survived holocaust concentration camps. The only thing that kept him going was his idea that everything, even the worst of human suffering, had to have meaning. If you’re struggling through anything in your life, I guarantee the words of Viktor will give you courage to press on and find happiness.

    2. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

    tuesday with morrie

       

      What is life’s greatest lesson? Morrie, a retired professor with a fatal disease, opts to use his predicament to share that message as opposed to just giving up and dying. Following the last few months of Morrie’s life will help you realize what is truly important in life.

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      3. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

      Lecture_Book

        Similar to Tuesdays with Morrie, Randy is a college professor who finds he has a fatal disease with only a few months to live. It is customary for professors at his university (Carnegie Mellon) to give a final lecture with the basis of ‘what wisdom would you impart to a large group of people if it was your last chance?’ Randy stays incredibly positive throughout and even keeps the lecture humorous and entertaining. Amidst it all, his wisdom is a powerful reminder about how to live a happy, full life.

        4. Earning Freedom by Michael Santos

        earning freedom

          Michael Santos was sentenced to 45 years is prison for selling drugs. During his term he fought hard to earn a masters degree and half of a doctorate (halted by the warden) while writing numerous books educating students about the criminal justice system. This book provides a fascinating window into his entire sentence (released in 2012) and how a positive attitude and strong work ethic got him through it. If he found happiness in prison through positive thinking, we can do it anywhere.

          If you don’t have the attention span to finish a long book, the following quick reads are shorter but just as powerful.

          5. The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper

          little engine that could

            This book has shaped childrens’ minds for years. It illustrates the undeniable fact that when you think positively and believe in yourself, you can accomplish extraordinary things.

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            6. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

            The_Giving_Tree

              Happiness is found in giving. What does it mean to love someone? What would you sacrifice for someone you love? This children’s book teaches a valuable lesson about unconditional love and what it truly means to be happy.

              7. The Dash by Linda Ellis and Mac Anderson

              the dash

                “When your life is over, everything you did will be represented by a single dash between two dates—what will that dash mean for the people you have known and loved?” (Linda Ellis) We don’t choose a lot of things about our life – parents, birthplace, etc. – but we can choose what that dash between those two dates means. This short book will give you a great perspective on making your life worthwhile.

                8. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

                As-a-Man-Thinketh

                  “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state… Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” (James Allen) This book might be short, but it is jam-packed with statements that will make you stop and think. We truly become what we think we are. Negative thoughts affect us more than we know. Positive thinking = happy life.

                  9. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald  Miller

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                  a-million-miles-in-a-thousand-years

                    You are the author of your story. No matter how boring or dull your life has been, you can always turn it around. Donald was in a rut in his life. He had no desire to get out of bed and found himself questioning the meaning of life. Eventually he realized he wasn’t a slave to a pre-written script. He used that mindset to turn around his thoughts, actions, and life. When the closing credits roll on the story of your life, what will people say? Never forget that you have the power to push your limits and live an interesting, happy life.

                    10. The Traveler’s Gift by Andy Andrews

                    travelersgift

                      The Traveler’s Gift is a fictional story about a man who is overwhelmed with life and finds himself thrown into numerous true events from history – including Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. He interacts and learns important life lessons from seven different experiences. The book is full of ways to think more positively and find more success in life.

                      11. David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

                      david and goliath

                        Malcolm Gladwell motivates you to challenge your preconceptions of underdogs and misfits in this thought-provoking book. When you break down the facts in the story of David and Goliath from the Bible, you find that David really wasn’t an underdog at all – he was the one with the advantage. This book outlines story after story after story of people who were at a disadvantage and learned to find the strength in their weakness.

                        12. How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton M. Christensen

                        how will you measure

                          How would you feel if you got to the end of your life only to realize you had been measuring success wrong? Clayton provides a mass amount of wisdom and advice on how to live a life you won’t regret.

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                          13. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

                          Dont_Sweat_Small_Stuff

                            The small things we worry about every day may not seem like a big deal, but they wear us down slowly and stop us from living up to our full potential. Learn how to get rid of those worries and negative thoughts and live a happier life.

                            14. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

                            mere christianity

                              C.S. Lewis, who used to be an Atheist, explains how he came to find meaning in life through Christianity. He breaks down all the reasons we doubt and falter in life and how living the principles of Christianity fixes our weaknesses. Lewis is famous for his deep, thought-provoking quotes and this book is no exception.

                              15. Bushido: The Way of the Samurai by Tsunetomo Yamamoto

                              bushido

                                Bushido is based on the Hagakure, a document that served as the basis for samurai warrior behavior. The document’s purpose was to shape the mind and the spirit of the samurai warrior.

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                                Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

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