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5 Tips from Positive Psychology to Help You Avoid Holiday Stress

5 Tips from Positive Psychology to Help You Avoid Holiday Stress

Are your holidays filled with relaxation and quality time with family or are you resorting to drinking a little too much eggnog to make it through?. If you are, you are not alone. In fact, 90 percent of Americans who completed a survey indicated that they feel stress during the holidays and 24 percent experience difficulty with family members. If you’re looking for ways to reduce holiday stress and create warm memories with your family, follow these five tips from positive psychology and bring the magic back to the holiday season.

Let Go of The Past and Stay Present

Just like in the holiday classic “A Christmas Carol” sometimes we are haunted by the ghosts of Christmases past. We tell ourselves that because our mom has always been critical or our dad always brings up politics and religion that they will this time too. We prep ourselves for the discomfort this has caused in the past which makes us brace for this holiday. Instead try wiping clean the slates of past transgressions, arguments, tears and discomfort. Sometimes letting go seems more difficult because we think that by not holding on to anger, hurt or frustration we are somehow condoning the past. When you let go something or forgive someone, you aren’t saying that everything was okay, you are just saying that it cannot hurt you anymore. Be like a first time visitor to your own family. Be curious, open-minded and look for the good in people’s words and actions. Martin Seligman ,the founding father of positive psychology, recommends breaking habituation, savoring experiences and using mindfulness as ways to increase happiness in the present.

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Focus on The Positive

Instead of focusing on the really bad meal you are served year after year, try being impressed the beautiful holiday decor or the great after dinner drinks.. Be a detective finding the good things that are going on around you. Neuroscientists have studied the brain and discovered that as you practice looking for positive  your brain actually becomes more adept at finding other positive events. Our neurotransmitters are like wire covered in plastic coating, but in our brain that coating is the myelin sheath. The more times a particular neuropathway is used, the thicker the myelin sheath becomes and this , like a well-developed muscle, strengthens your positive mindset. So when heading home for the holidays try finding something positive in each moment. Eventually this will be come less of a task and more of your brain’s default mode.

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Practice Gratitude

University of Pennsylvania did a study in 2005 that proved one of the greatest contributing factors to overall happiness in life is how much gratitude we show. At Thanksgiving we all pay attention to things we are grateful for. Why not try including a little gratitude at every family gathering? Having each family member state one thing they are thankful for has become a part of my family’s holiday meal tradition. You can also adopt a daily gratitude pracice like journaling 3 things each day your are grateful for. This effective method is proven to decrease stress and increase subjective well-being (aka happiness).

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Keep Your Usual Routine

Gretchen Rubin, author of My Happiness Project and Better Than Before has researched how our habits make us happier. Her advise over the holiday season? Stick to your habits. This means, if you are an early riser, continue to get up early even if you are surrounded by night owls who like to sleep in. If you exercise regularly, you need that exercise for mood balancing endorphins. Don’t skip the work out and then wonder why you are so cranky. Staying on a sleep, exercise and eating routine that works for you will keep you balanced. This doesn’t mean not to indulge in a treat or try something outside your normal pattern, it simply means that creatures of habits are comforted by those habits! Not only will this help you to avoid holiday stress, it will also make the transition back to work or home an easier one when the holiday is over.

Give Presence not Presents

San Francisco State University did a study that demonstrated that experiential purchases, such as a meal out or theater tickets, result in increased greater well-being than material possessions. This means that giving gifts doesn’t make you as happy as sharing experiences. Part of the human happiness equation is our need for social connectedness. Instead of buying clothes, chocolates or candles, try taking everyone ice skating or on a sleigh ride instead.

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Last Updated on February 15, 2019

Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

In Personal Development-speak, we are always talking about goals, outcomes, success, desires and dreams. In other words, all the stuff we want to do, achieve and create in our world.

And while it’s important for us to know what we want to achieve (our goal), it’s also important for us to understand why we want to achieve it; the reason behind the goal or some would say, our real goal.

Why is goal setting important?

1. Your needs and desire will be fulfilled.

Sometimes when we explore our “why”, (why we want to achieve a certain thing) we realize that our “what” (our goal) might not actually deliver us the thing (feeling, emotion, internal state) we’re really seeking.

For example, the person who has a goal to lose weight in the belief that weight loss will bring them happiness, security, fulfillment, attention, popularity and the partner of their dreams. In this instance, their “what” is weight-loss and their “why” is happiness (etc.) and a partner.

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Six months later, they have lost the weight (achieved their goal) but as is often the case, they’re not happier, not more secure, not more confident, not more fulfilled and in keeping with their miserable state, they have failed to attract their dream partner.

After all, who wants to be with someone who’s miserable? They achieved their practical goal but still failed to have their needs met.

So they set a goal to lose another ten pounds. And then another. And maybe just ten more. With the destructive and erroneous belief that if they can get thin enough, they’ll find their own personal nirvana. And we all know how that story ends.

2. You’ll find out what truly motivates you

The important thing in the process of constructing our best life is not necessarily what goals we set (what we think we want) but what motivates us towards those goals (what we really want).

The sooner we begin to explore, identify and understand what motivates us towards certain achievements, acquisitions or outcomes (that is, we begin moving towards greater consciousness and self awareness), the sooner we will make better decisions for our life, set more intelligent (and dare I say, enlightened) goals and experience more fulfilment and less frustration.

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We all know people who have achieved what they set out to, only to end up in the same place or worse (emotionally, psychologically, sociologically) because what they were chasing wasn’t really what they were needing.

What we think we want will rarely provide us with what we actually need.

3. Your state of mind will be a lot healthier

We all set specific goals to achieve/acquire certain things (a job, a car, a partner, a better body, a bank balance, a title, a victory) because at some level, most of us believe (consciously or not) that the achievement of those goals will bring us what we really seek; joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

Of course, setting practical, material and financial goals is an intelligent thing to do considering the world we live in and how that world works.

But setting goals with an expectation that the achievement of certain things in our external, physical world will automatically create an internal state of peace, contentment, joy and total happiness is an unhealthy and unrealistic mindset to inhabit.

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What you truly want and need

Sometimes we need to look beyond the obvious (superficial) goals to discover and secure what we really want.

Sadly, we live in a collective mindset which teaches that the prettiest and the wealthiest are the most successful.

Some self-help frauds even teach this message. If you’re rich or pretty, you’re happy. If you’re both, you’re very happy. Pretty isn’t what we really want; it’s what we believe pretty will bring us. Same goes with money.

When we cut through the hype, the jargon and the self-help mumbo jumbo, we all have the same basic goals, desires and needs:

Joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

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Nobody needs a mansion or a sport’s car but we all need love.

Nobody needs massive pecs, six percent body-fat, a face lift or bigger breasts but we all need connection, acceptance and understanding.

Nobody needs to be famous but we all need peace, calm, balance and happiness.

The problem is, we live in a culture which teaches that one equals the other. If only we lived in a culture which taught that real success is far more about what’s happening in our internal environment, than our external one.

It’s a commonly-held belief that we’re all very different and we all have different goals — whether short term or long term goals. But in many ways we’re not, and we don’t; we all want essentially the same things.

Now all you have to do is see past the fraud and deception and find the right path.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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