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14 Relationship Mindsets That All Girls Should Have Before They Turn 30

14 Relationship Mindsets That All Girls Should Have Before They Turn 30

One of the things we as girls spend the most time doing is thinking about our relationships. And for the right reasons, too. What goes on in our relationships affects us deeply, and dictates our physical and mental well-being. Below are 14 relationship mindsets that all girls should have before they turn 30.

1. 30 is just a number

It is so obvious, yet it is so easy to get caught up in the number mindset. We as girls tend to take this number too seriously. For most of us, the 30 blues don’t hit until it happens, and then suddenly life starts looking different. While this is good if it helps develop a positive sense of urgency for what you want in life, don’t decide on the pace of your relationship based on pre-30 or post-30 benchmarks. Relationships grow organically and everyone’s journey is not the same. The quality of your relationship should be the yardstick for when you want to take it to the next level instead of how old you are or how long you have been in the relationship.

2. Don’t be whiny

Having a complaining attitude can be one of the biggest turn-offs for people around us. The same applies to relationships. If you constantly find yourself complaining about every small thing, it’s time to reflect upon this mindset.

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3. Be a problem solver

Once you have identified that you have been complaining a bit too much, and causing discomfort in your partner, as a result, think about what you can do to be more positive. What is the complaining about? What will it take to fix it? You will be surprised at how much better your quality of life will be by implementing simple changes such as speaking in a more positive tone, and calling yourself out whenever you find yourself complaining.

4. Don’t ignore the warning signs

Steve Jobs once said, “And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on”.

Don’t drag on a bad relationship if you don’t see positive changes over time. If it is not making you happy today, most likely it will not make you happy tomorrow. The state of a bad relationship doesn’t improve after marriage or having kids. If you are in a happy relationship, you should feel happy. If you feel happiness is missing try to find out the root causes, and work it out with your partner. If he is unwilling to participate or doesn’t live up to his promises, move on.

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5. Be a good listener

While it is crucial for a woman to be heard, try switching gears and lend your partner an ear. You will be surprised by how much insight into your partner’s thinking you will gain by simply listening to him.

6. Remember that communication is key

Whenever you find that you are upset with yourself or with your partner, communicate. A lot of smaller conflicts can snowball into bigger problems if not resolved quickly. Communication is one of the biggest keys to enjoying a happy and fulfilling life.

7. Have a career of your own

Don’t make your relationship your career. Your own career should be your first priority. Like with everything in life, whether or not a relationship will work is not a guarantee. But sometimes the much-needed strength to break out of an ugly relationship comes from standing on your own feet. Financial independence not only boosts your own self-esteem but also creates a sense of respect for you in your partner’s mind.

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8. Have a life outside of your relationship

It is great to do activities with your partner. Probably the most fun trips that you take over your lifetime are with your significant other. But don’t forget to have fun with your friends, and sometimes just with yourself. Your relationship should not debilitate you such that you feel like you can’t do anything without your partner. Remember at times, some unavailability can add the much-needed spice in a relationship.

9. Compromise but don’t sacrifice

While it is okay to compromise on little things such as what movie to watch over the weekend or which restaurant to pick for a date night, do not compromise on things that are against your values. There is a very thin line between compromise and sacrifice. Take care not to sacrifice your happiness just to appease your partner.

10. Remember to give space

It is important to give space to your partner. Sometimes that is all it takes to resolve a conflict or deflate negative feelings. Spending time doing activities by yourself is equally important to doing them with each other. If your partner asks for space, do not hesitate to give him that.

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11. Don’t work on threats

At times, things won’t go your way. For example, you might be ready to take your relationship to the next level, but your partner is not ready for that yet. It is very easy to resort to threats in situations like that, but they only damage the bond you two share. Communicate how you feel to your partner, and work with him to reach a mutually satisfying decision. In the matters of heart, pressure only leads to unhappiness.

12. Watch out for the my-way-or-the-highway mindset

Do you find yourself going into a passive aggressive mode every time something does not go your way? If so, watch out for this mindset. This leads to unhappiness not only on your partner’s end but also makes you unhappy. A relationship involves two people working together to create mutual happiness. If one of them feels like bowing to other’s wishes all the time, the bond crumbles. Only love and understanding for each other’s feelings can bring two hearts together.

13. Don’t try to be a boss

At times, you will come across situations where you feel like your partner is not doing things he ought to do for his own career or for the betterment of your relationship. While it is important to identify these missing pieces, care should be taken to not come across as controlling. If you find your partner expressing discomfort with how you talk to him, try changing the tone.

14. Don’t forget who you are

You will still be the same woman when you turn 30, except wiser and stronger. In making things work with your significant other, sometimes you might tread the slippery slope of forgetting what you stand for. If you find yourself in that state, ask yourself what is important to you. What do you want from life? In this journey called life, two people are only travelers down the same road. Don’t be lost in the path so much that you forget what your destination is. If at some point you find that your paths have changed or don’t converge, it is never too late to change. Remember it is to be happy that two people come together.

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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