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14 Relationship Mindsets That All Girls Should Have Before They Turn 30

14 Relationship Mindsets That All Girls Should Have Before They Turn 30

One of the things we as girls spend the most time doing is thinking about our relationships. And for the right reasons, too. What goes on in our relationships affects us deeply, and dictates our physical and mental well-being. Below are 14 relationship mindsets that all girls should have before they turn 30.

1. 30 is just a number

It is so obvious, yet it is so easy to get caught up in the number mindset. We as girls tend to take this number too seriously. For most of us, the 30 blues don’t hit until it happens, and then suddenly life starts looking different. While this is good if it helps develop a positive sense of urgency for what you want in life, don’t decide on the pace of your relationship based on pre-30 or post-30 benchmarks. Relationships grow organically and everyone’s journey is not the same. The quality of your relationship should be the yardstick for when you want to take it to the next level instead of how old you are or how long you have been in the relationship.

2. Don’t be whiny

Having a complaining attitude can be one of the biggest turn-offs for people around us. The same applies to relationships. If you constantly find yourself complaining about every small thing, it’s time to reflect upon this mindset.

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3. Be a problem solver

Once you have identified that you have been complaining a bit too much, and causing discomfort in your partner, as a result, think about what you can do to be more positive. What is the complaining about? What will it take to fix it? You will be surprised at how much better your quality of life will be by implementing simple changes such as speaking in a more positive tone, and calling yourself out whenever you find yourself complaining.

4. Don’t ignore the warning signs

Steve Jobs once said, “And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on”.

Don’t drag on a bad relationship if you don’t see positive changes over time. If it is not making you happy today, most likely it will not make you happy tomorrow. The state of a bad relationship doesn’t improve after marriage or having kids. If you are in a happy relationship, you should feel happy. If you feel happiness is missing try to find out the root causes, and work it out with your partner. If he is unwilling to participate or doesn’t live up to his promises, move on.

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5. Be a good listener

While it is crucial for a woman to be heard, try switching gears and lend your partner an ear. You will be surprised by how much insight into your partner’s thinking you will gain by simply listening to him.

6. Remember that communication is key

Whenever you find that you are upset with yourself or with your partner, communicate. A lot of smaller conflicts can snowball into bigger problems if not resolved quickly. Communication is one of the biggest keys to enjoying a happy and fulfilling life.

7. Have a career of your own

Don’t make your relationship your career. Your own career should be your first priority. Like with everything in life, whether or not a relationship will work is not a guarantee. But sometimes the much-needed strength to break out of an ugly relationship comes from standing on your own feet. Financial independence not only boosts your own self-esteem but also creates a sense of respect for you in your partner’s mind.

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8. Have a life outside of your relationship

It is great to do activities with your partner. Probably the most fun trips that you take over your lifetime are with your significant other. But don’t forget to have fun with your friends, and sometimes just with yourself. Your relationship should not debilitate you such that you feel like you can’t do anything without your partner. Remember at times, some unavailability can add the much-needed spice in a relationship.

9. Compromise but don’t sacrifice

While it is okay to compromise on little things such as what movie to watch over the weekend or which restaurant to pick for a date night, do not compromise on things that are against your values. There is a very thin line between compromise and sacrifice. Take care not to sacrifice your happiness just to appease your partner.

10. Remember to give space

It is important to give space to your partner. Sometimes that is all it takes to resolve a conflict or deflate negative feelings. Spending time doing activities by yourself is equally important to doing them with each other. If your partner asks for space, do not hesitate to give him that.

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11. Don’t work on threats

At times, things won’t go your way. For example, you might be ready to take your relationship to the next level, but your partner is not ready for that yet. It is very easy to resort to threats in situations like that, but they only damage the bond you two share. Communicate how you feel to your partner, and work with him to reach a mutually satisfying decision. In the matters of heart, pressure only leads to unhappiness.

12. Watch out for the my-way-or-the-highway mindset

Do you find yourself going into a passive aggressive mode every time something does not go your way? If so, watch out for this mindset. This leads to unhappiness not only on your partner’s end but also makes you unhappy. A relationship involves two people working together to create mutual happiness. If one of them feels like bowing to other’s wishes all the time, the bond crumbles. Only love and understanding for each other’s feelings can bring two hearts together.

13. Don’t try to be a boss

At times, you will come across situations where you feel like your partner is not doing things he ought to do for his own career or for the betterment of your relationship. While it is important to identify these missing pieces, care should be taken to not come across as controlling. If you find your partner expressing discomfort with how you talk to him, try changing the tone.

14. Don’t forget who you are

You will still be the same woman when you turn 30, except wiser and stronger. In making things work with your significant other, sometimes you might tread the slippery slope of forgetting what you stand for. If you find yourself in that state, ask yourself what is important to you. What do you want from life? In this journey called life, two people are only travelers down the same road. Don’t be lost in the path so much that you forget what your destination is. If at some point you find that your paths have changed or don’t converge, it is never too late to change. Remember it is to be happy that two people come together.

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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