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Strong Women Don’t Mean To Intimidate, They Just Let Their True Colors Shine

Strong Women Don’t Mean To Intimidate, They Just Let Their True Colors Shine

Are you intimidated by strong women around you? What makes you feel intimidated and why?

Most of the time, your intimidation isn’t caused by who they are as a person, it’s caused by your perception towards yourself. You are afraid that you appear weak in front of these strong women, so you feel intimidated by them. However, if you take a closer look at their personality, you will realize that this intimidating image of strong women you hold is just an illusion from a lack of understanding.

Here are six traits about strong women to help you understand them better.

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1. They are confident.

Their self confidence can be deemed as aggressive, arrogant, and ambitious, especially at work by their colleagues; however, you need to know that they have overcome several challenges in their life to build up their confidence. Nobody is born confident. Everyone has fears and doubts. Strong women just don’t let their fears and doubts hold them back. They’d rather challenge themselves and grow.

It’s not that strong women are arrogant or want to be in the center of attraction, it’s their confidence that naturally attracts attention to them. People come to these strong women for help because they trust their capability. Instead of being intimidated by their confidence, you should learn from them and have more confidence in yourself.

2. They are independent.

Strong women build their own career and are good at making money. They don’t need men to provide for them. Even though they are not looking for someone to take care of them, it doesn’t mean that they don’t need love.

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You might feel threatened by women who are capable of doing everything by themselves because it feels like they don’t need your relationship and that hurts your ego. Strong women need support too. Sometimes they just want to do things on their own first. If they need support from you (which they will), they will ask for it. Support them in areas which they are weaker and remember that their independence is positive.

3. They are secure.

In a relationship, making them jealous doesn’t work. They are secure with themselves and they know what they are worth. They don’t buy the mind-games you play. Once they are committed to you, they are committed to you. They don’t spend time on worrying about the relationship. If you are going to disrespect her or try to make her feel insecure, she won’t hesitate to leave you.

You feel intimidated by a strong woman’s sense of self-worth because you are insecure about yourself. Instead of wasting time playing mind-games with them, work on your own self-worth. Be open with your insecurities, and they will respect you for that.

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4. They are smart.

Strong women love interesting and intellectual conversation. You can forget about small-talk. Talk about things that matter. Rather than talking about what to have for lunch, the latest TV program, or sport, ask them about their opinions on world issues. They have their own way of thinking and they would love to share them with you.

At work, they don’t gossip, so they are easy targets for gossipers. People are intimidated by strong women because they find them too distant and opinionated. You can’t blame them. It’s not that they don’t want to connect with their colleagues, it’s because they aren’t good at making small-talk. Plus, they don’t really care about trends. They aren’t easily swayed by media and other people’s opinions either.

5. They have purpose.

Strong women are bold. They embrace change and are not afraid to take risks or fail. They know what they want in life, with clear goals and purpose. This quality makes them very interesting and attractive, but at the same time, their ambition might seem intimidating.

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Don’t expect them to be the housewives and follow your every command. They won’t give up their dreams just to fit yours, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t supportive. They still want you to do well. They still care about their family. It’s just that they need to challenge themselves. They want to reach their potential. They take action towards their goals. Consider giving them some space to pursue their goals and encourage them instead.

6. They are authentic.

Strong women are straightforward people. They never suppress their feelings and they don’t take things personally. They also expect you to be honest and straightforward with them too.

However, because they are so straightforward, you might feel that they are being rude and unconcerned with other people’s feelings. They actually do care about people, but they care more about solving the problem that people have than their feelings. They look for solutions. You’re better off just telling them what you think. Don’t sugarcoat or soften your opinions so that they can help you. Let their true colors shine.

Featured photo credit: Untitled / lauren rushing via flickr.com

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Yong Kang Chan

Self-Help Author (Writes about Self-Compassion and Mindfulness)

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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