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Important Things That Happy Couples Do Together Before Marriage

Important Things That Happy Couples Do Together Before Marriage

There are certain important things that help the direction of our marriages. Such actions done before marriage help channel our energies in the right direction. Happy couples know this. They made sure to take care of this before they even got married.

1. They have a financial plan

While many may get scared or anxious about discussing finances with their partners, it is important to find some rhythm and know where you both stand when it comes to money. Having a direction as to where and how your finances go builds a solid foundation for your marriage.

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2. They go for a road trip together

While any form of traveling is advised, happy couples tend to be more specific on the kind of travel they undertake together. Being able to “let go” and see where the wind takes you during a road trip together prepares you for the adventure that will come with marriage.

3. They build a great circle of friends

It all comes down to who you should be hanging around with when you become married. Having a great circle of friends adds to the vitality and support your marriage will need during the challenges you’ll face over the years. You should not underestimate the value or power a great circle of friends will add to the success of your marriage.

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4. They discuss their expectations of marriage

Marriage is not a getaway card for boredom, loneliness, or unhappiness. Marriage is about complimenting each other and being there for the other person. Happy couples can relate with this and find ways to set their goals and expectations of what they want and expect from the other person. Yes, every expectation should be realistic.

5. They spend time with each other’s families

When you get married, you aren’t just marrying a partner, you will be marrying another household. Most times, the families of your partner would be in their lives. By getting to know the family of your partner you will be able to discern and understand your partner better since a family has a way of influencing its members.

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6. They know what they can take and cannot take

Yes, marriage is about compromise. However, we are all different when it comes to the things we can tolerate and things we cannot tolerate. Happy couples know this and they do well to know what their boundaries are when it comes to the things they can tolerate in a marriage and the things they just won’t accept.

7. They deal with managing a crisis together

Being in love and the excitement of wanting to be in each other’s company can distort one’s judgment. Just as the interesting feeling of being with the one you care about, you can also have some chaotic feeling on certain matters with them. Dealing and handling a crisis or dispute prepares you for a happy marriage.

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8. They share important secrets

Secrets have a way of breaking strong bonds. Happy couples are honest with each other about everything. Preparing for marriage gives them the opportunity to share their past and also make the other person aware of their worst selves.

9. They spend time together

Before marriage, happy couples spend so much time together trying to understand each other better. Being close to your partner gives you the opportunity to share your feelings, communicate, and perceive what they are all about.

10. They set clear goals

Marriage is not all about splendor, but also about desires. What do you want from your marriage? Happy couples learn to set clear goals and do well to pursue them in the course of their marriage. Before marriage is always the best time to know where you are headed. Goals like buying a home, bearing kids, or paying off student loans can be ideal in helping you plan and direct your energy in the right direction.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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