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5 Reasons Why Leaders Need to Stimulate Their Vocabulary Now

5 Reasons Why Leaders Need to Stimulate Their Vocabulary Now

There is a reason why we crave the positive. There’s a reason why the words we use matter in our every day lives. As we know, the world can be a very hard and gloomy place. It is full of violence, hatred, and dishonesty.

In spite of everything that tries to bring us down, we still persevere through adversity and confusion. Many of us are unable to move forward without the guidance of the people we trust most – our leaders. During times of trouble and unrest, we look to the men and women whose job it is to calm our fears to provide answers so that we might understand and accept the events as they have unfolded.

Not every leader has a world stage on which to preach to the masses, but every one of us is a leader in some way, shape, or form. That is why it is vital for us to be aware of the words we use, regardless if we have a title or not.

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Our minds are forever etched with the images we see daily and yet we forget the power of our words.

It’s time we start arousing people’s souls once again. It’s time to say what must be said. It’s time to move mankind forward.

Words evoke emotion.  

We cannot help but feel connected to one another when we allow the words shared to mean something. Words can leave us heartbroken to the ones that provide a small miracle. Becoming immune to words like, “Thank you” or “Please, help me” do not aid our hearts if the words are insincere or fake. Throughout time, being human has always been communicated through words. It has allowed us to be vulnerable, when push came to shove. Too often, we are have words left unsaid because we were afraid to tell people how we really feel.

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Words create action.

If we set on a course for change, then any movement we take will not happen without a few inspiring words. Our responses could be to do nothing, or they could stimulate such a reaction that momentum becomes apparent as we gather others along the way. NO plan comes to fruition without a few choice words heard by even just one person. The world does not become different with thought alone. In order for true change to occur, we must do something. Words spark creativity and drive what would not have occurred otherwise.

Words encourage.  

Our soul is exhilarated with positive and supportive language. Nothing will ever be as important as believing in someone else. Words convey that message best. Choosing to focus on potential, good qualities, and success will enhance further beneficial behavior. Words allow us to let go of what we must, while still showing us a different way to see something else. In the moments when we want to quit the most, it will always be the words of praise… the words that inspire… and the words that trigger a reaction which instills us with the will to keep going.

Words guide us.

We may not have all of the answers or understand every situation, but when the right words put us a little more at ease or somehow comfort us, we begin to allow those words to show us what to do next. Only the right words will caution us to forgo actions that we will regret later, while another set of words will instruct us how to improve and correct what went wrong. The vocabulary we choose can insight riots or it can call for peace.

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Words give us hope.  

Without hope, words are meaningless. They assume responsibility for the emotion carried in them while turning that emotion into something to believe in. They show us a path, or give us direction, when we have none. They remind us of the good things in this world, yet also remind us that not all things are good. These words restore faith and trust where it was lost and forgotten. They create optimism and minimize fear.

Conclusion

Some of us may still be waiting for someone else to take the helm and provide us with those words that lead us in every way I just described above. Being a leader does not come with a title, it is bestowed upon each and every one of us. It is our right as humans to assume the responsibility and teach others why every inspiring word matters. Every word — whether written or spoken — has a purpose. Our perception of each word is vital to invoking change, promoting togetherness, and the survival of us all.

The connection we feel to one another, regardless of the situation, will always begin with the choices we make – and that includes the way we talk to one another.

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“We will never change our culture until we change our vocabulary.”

It’s time to start speaking up and become accountable for our lives, as well as the lives of others. Using the right words, change becomes more than just a ripple, it grows into a wave that is unstoppable.  However, it must have a beginning.  It begins with one voice – just one.

Featured photo credit: Moritz Schmidt via unsplash.com

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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