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Last Updated on January 17, 2018

8 Ways to Judge If Your Girlfriend’s Male Friend Is Actually a Friend

8 Ways to Judge If Your Girlfriend’s Male Friend Is Actually a Friend

Your girlfriend is repeatedly texting another guy and she calls him a guy-friend. She accepted his friend request on Facebook, followed him back on Instagram, gave him her number and added him on Snapchat. Now, some guys will tell you they don’t believe in guy-friends and others will tell you you’re overthinking everything. While the guy may want nothing but to sleep with your girlfriend, let’s find out who’s right. Here are 8 questions you should ask yourself before you start getting your panties in a knot.

1. How did she respond when you asked about him?

Did she act defensive or call your jealous? If she thought you were jealous, did she try to make you feel safe and secure about the situation or did she get upset with you? I once had a girlfriend who continuously texted her ex of 2 years. When we started dating, I thought it was a little strange she was still friends with her ex and so did my friends.

However, she showed genuine interest in me and reassured me of the situation and that he’s currently in a long-term relationship. Some girlfriends may not do this, but actually start an argument over it. If she holds strong, you should reconsider why she finds this guy so important. You need to find out if perhaps he’s more important to her than you are, and based on how long you’ve been dating, why you haven’t heard of him before.

2. Have you met him?

If you’ve never met the guy, he may not be all that important to her. She may also be afraid of you meeting him. Many of her real guy friends will be there at parties or other social gatherings—they’ll shake your hand and may even have a date or girlfriend. If she talks to him everyday but you’ve never met him, you have the right to wonder why.

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Even if you have met him, that doesn’t mean you can always trust him of course. A lot of guys want nothing but a chance to sleep with your girlfriend and your girlfriend will probably not see it as so.

However, it’s not possible that you know all of her male friends, as it’s not possible for her to know all of your female friends. Just because you haven’t met them, doesn’t mean anything bad, but if you have met them, you should worry a lot less than you are.

3. Why does she talk to him?

Usually there’s a reason why they’ve been friends so long. Sometimes girls like guys because they’re less dramatic to deal with. Perhaps, the male friend may have been around for important things that no one else was, such as family deaths or other traumatic events.

Essentially, you should find out: what is her motive? Is he dating one of her friends? Is he just there to boost her self-esteem by giving her attention?

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4. Did she tell you, or did you find out yourself?

How did you find out she was close to this guy? Did she casually respond to you with, “Oh that’s where James used to work,” or did you see his name on her phone one day? Did his name randomly come up in a funny story? If you’ve been dating for a while and he hasn’t come up in conversation by now, but she still texts him daily, is there a reason?

5. Is he a new or old friend?

Was he there for her throughout high school or college, or is this someone who she has just become friends with? I’ve heard too many friends tell me that their girlfriend says the guys that approach them in the club just want to become new friends. People go to the bar or club to get laid—don’t let your girlfriend underplay it.

6. Does she delete the texts?

Some people delete text messages to keep things organized. However, does she only deleted texts from him? Does she delete them at all? I’m not saying to go through her phone, searching like an untrustworthy, creeper boyfriend, but you will notice it next time you’re texting from her phone. Was his name there or not?

If I were to define a guy friend from a text message perspective, it would be someone who texts your girlfriend and she doesn’t care if you see his name or texts. If she’s driving the car and tells you to read her guy friend’s text message out loud to her and type the response, I think it’s reasonably safe to say you’re worrying too much!

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7. Do they text when you’re around?

This goes along with “have you met him?” It may be strange if they don’t talk when you’re around. They may have prearranged to not text each other during specific times. This reminds me of a girl (who’s in a relationship) who texts her ex specifically during the time her boyfriend is at work (7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.). While she hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend yet, she will text her ex during the Monday to Friday work hours and then delete text messages before her boyfriend comes home from work.

8. Is he part of her friend circle?

If there’s one type of guy that I can safely safe you’re worrying too much about, it’s the guys that are in her friend circle. The guys who you’ve obviously met if you’ve been dating for anything longer than 2 months. These are the guys who make fun and laugh at her when they tell an old funny story. Besides, in many cases, all the guys in her friend circle are usually there because all of their girlfriends are friends. So settle down.

Bonus: 2 Questions About Her

At the end of the day, even if they’re not friends and he is just trying to sleep with her, here are 2 questions to make you feel better.

9. Is she really the type of person to risk it?

The type of people to cheat are low class and in most cases than not, they are young. People looking to get married are generally pretty serious, unlike those in high school who aren’t really taking their relationship seriously. That’s not to say old people don’t cheat, however. Ask yourself, is holding a long term relationship important to her at this point in her life, or does she come from a classy family who would have a positive influence on her?

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10. What kind of influence do her friends have on her?

Are her friends in long-term relationships, or are they single? I once had a girlfriend whose best friend purposely tried to get my girlfriend to cheat on me. With that kind of influence surrounding her, she could very well cave to the pressure of her best friend. If the friends she hangs out with usually are in serious relationships, you don’t have too much to worry about.

In the end, no relationship is the same and it’s up to you to make your own judgments. For the thousands of guys reading this, there is a solid amount of both loyal and disloyal girlfriends. Chances are, you’re overthinking it.

At the end of the day, if your girlfriend cares about you enough, she’ll care about your comfort, make you feel secure about the whole guy-friend situation and make you feel like you have nothing to worry about. Besides, you can’t keep the fleas off the dog and ask these guy friends to stop liking her photos or adding her on Facebook. She has to be the one who makes the decision and make you feel right. Everything’s a compromise. Tell her it makes you feel insecure, and to please stop. Tell her you are vulnerable.

Featured photo credit: Wyatt Fisher via christiancrush.com

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Josh MacDonald

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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