Advertising
Advertising

8 Ways to Judge If Your Girlfriend’s Male Friend Is Actually a Friend

8 Ways to Judge If Your Girlfriend’s Male Friend Is Actually a Friend

Your girlfriend is repeatedly texting another guy and she calls him a guy-friend. She accepted his friend request on Facebook, followed him back on Instagram, gave him her number and added him on Snapchat. Now, some guys will tell you they don’t believe in guy-friends and others will tell you you’re overthinking everything. While the guy may want nothing but to sleep with your girlfriend, let’s find out who’s right. Here are 8 questions you should ask yourself before you start getting your panties in a knot.

1. How did she respond when you asked about him?

Did she act defensive or call your jealous? If she thought you were jealous, did she try to make you feel safe and secure about the situation or did she get upset with you? I once had a girlfriend who continuously texted her ex of 2 years. When we started dating, I thought it was a little strange she was still friends with her ex and so did my friends.

However, she showed genuine interest in me and reassured me of the situation and that he’s currently in a long-term relationship. Some girlfriends may not do this, but actually start an argument over it. If she holds strong, you should reconsider why she finds this guy so important. You need to find out if perhaps he’s more important to her than you are, and based on how long you’ve been dating, why you haven’t heard of him before.

2. Have you met him?

If you’ve never met the guy, he may not be all that important to her. She may also be afraid of you meeting him. Many of her real guy friends will be there at parties or other social gatherings—they’ll shake your hand and may even have a date or girlfriend. If she talks to him everyday but you’ve never met him, you have the right to wonder why.

Advertising

Even if you have met him, that doesn’t mean you can always trust him of course. A lot of guys want nothing but a chance to sleep with your girlfriend and your girlfriend will probably not see it as so.

However, it’s not possible that you know all of her male friends, as it’s not possible for her to know all of your female friends. Just because you haven’t met them, doesn’t mean anything bad, but if you have met them, you should worry a lot less than you are.

3. Why does she talk to him?

Usually there’s a reason why they’ve been friends so long. Sometimes girls like guys because they’re less dramatic to deal with. Perhaps, the male friend may have been around for important things that no one else was, such as family deaths or other traumatic events.

Essentially, you should find out: what is her motive? Is he dating one of her friends? Is he just there to boost her self-esteem by giving her attention?

Advertising

4. Did she tell you, or did you find out yourself?

How did you find out she was close to this guy? Did she casually respond to you with, “Oh that’s where James used to work,” or did you see his name on her phone one day? Did his name randomly come up in a funny story? If you’ve been dating for a while and he hasn’t come up in conversation by now, but she still texts him daily, is there a reason?

5. Is he a new or old friend?

Was he there for her throughout high school or college, or is this someone who she has just become friends with? I’ve heard too many friends tell me that their girlfriend says the guys that approach them in the club just want to become new friends. People go to the bar or club to get laid—don’t let your girlfriend underplay it.

6. Does she delete the texts?

Some people delete text messages to keep things organized. However, does she only deleted texts from him? Does she delete them at all? I’m not saying to go through her phone, searching like an untrustworthy, creeper boyfriend, but you will notice it next time you’re texting from her phone. Was his name there or not?

If I were to define a guy friend from a text message perspective, it would be someone who texts your girlfriend and she doesn’t care if you see his name or texts. If she’s driving the car and tells you to read her guy friend’s text message out loud to her and type the response, I think it’s reasonably safe to say you’re worrying too much!

Advertising

7. Do they text when you’re around?

This goes along with “have you met him?” It may be strange if they don’t talk when you’re around. They may have prearranged to not text each other during specific times. This reminds me of a girl (who’s in a relationship) who texts her ex specifically during the time her boyfriend is at work (7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.). While she hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend yet, she will text her ex during the Monday to Friday work hours and then delete text messages before her boyfriend comes home from work.

8. Is he part of her friend circle?

If there’s one type of guy that I can safely safe you’re worrying too much about, it’s the guys that are in her friend circle. The guys who you’ve obviously met if you’ve been dating for anything longer than 2 months. These are the guys who make fun and laugh at her when they tell an old funny story. Besides, in many cases, all the guys in her friend circle are usually there because all of their girlfriends are friends. So settle down.

Bonus: 2 Questions About Her

At the end of the day, even if they’re not friends and he is just trying to sleep with her, here are 2 questions to make you feel better.

9. Is she really the type of person to risk it?

The type of people to cheat are low class and in most cases than not, they are young. People looking to get married are generally pretty serious, unlike those in high school who aren’t really taking their relationship seriously. That’s not to say old people don’t cheat, however. Ask yourself, is holding a long term relationship important to her at this point in her life, or does she come from a classy family who would have a positive influence on her?

Advertising

10. What kind of influence do her friends have on her?

Are her friends in long-term relationships, or are they single? I once had a girlfriend whose best friend purposely tried to get my girlfriend to cheat on me. With that kind of influence surrounding her, she could very well cave to the pressure of her best friend. If the friends she hangs out with usually are in serious relationships, you don’t have too much to worry about.

In the end, no relationship is the same and it’s up to you to make your own judgments. For the thousands of guys reading this, there is a solid amount of both loyal and disloyal girlfriends. Chances are, you’re overthinking it.

At the end of the day, if your girlfriend cares about you enough, she’ll care about your comfort, make you feel secure about the whole guy-friend situation and make you feel like you have nothing to worry about. Besides, you can’t keep the fleas off the dog and ask these guy friends to stop liking her photos or adding her on Facebook. She has to be the one who makes the decision and make you feel right. Everything’s a compromise. Tell her it makes you feel insecure, and to please stop. Tell her you are vulnerable.

Featured photo credit: Wyatt Fisher via christiancrush.com

More by this author

Josh MacDonald

Internet Entrepreneur

guy friend 8 Ways to Judge If Your Girlfriend’s Male Friend Is Actually a Friend 5 Reasons Why Random People Follow You On Social Media Google Organic Search 2017 CTR 5 SEO Tips To Help Your Blog Grow In 2017 5 Ways to Get Your Degree for Free 5 Things to Look for in a Potential Roommate or Tenant

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next