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I Am An Introvert And Here Are Some Common Scenarios In My Life.

I Am An Introvert And Here Are Some Common Scenarios In My Life.

As a blogger, being an introvert can be both empowering and restrictive in equal measure. While I am often indecisive and reserved when it comes to selecting the types of content to publish on my blog, for example, the medium enables me to talk openly about the issues I experience in everyday life. More specifically, I can use my blog as a platform to connect with other introverts and hopefully help them to effectively manage a number of social scenarios.

With this in mind, here are eight typical scenarios that all introverts should be able to relate to. Hopefully, you will be able to recognize the situations and find solace in the fact that you are not alone.

1. Introverts feel lonelier at social events than they do when they are by themselves.

While we must all become accustomed to our own company at times, introverts are often at their loneliest during social gatherings. From informal, after-work meetings to impromptu interactions with long-lost friends, those of us with an introverted mind-set often become lost amid small talk and gradually become isolated from the rest of the room. The main reason for this is that we introverts tend to crave deep, one-on-one conversations, rather than trying to compete for center stage amid a gaggle of shouting voices!

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2. Introverts make for the most inept party hosts.

Similarly, you would be hard-pushed to find a more unsuitable party host than an introvert. This instantly throws introverts under the glare of the spotlight, where they are required to meet guests and socialize with people outside of their immediate, trusted network. Such discomfort can quickly turn into panic, especially as unexpected guests turn up and you resort to spend your time anxiously policing the behavior of others rather than socializing.

3. Introverts magically disappear in group conversations.

If you belong to the band of introverts who constantly try to immerse themselves in group interactions, you will be accustomed to a brief period of promise followed by sudden disappointment. While you may enter a social setting and quickly try to socialize with others, for example, your inability of engage in small talk will ultimately cause you to lose the attention of others and gradually fade into the background. Cue a period of harsh introspection, as you magically disappear from the group’s conscience and become a peripheral figure.

4. Introverts either struggle to think or over-think in social situations.

Life as an introvert is one of extremes, as you fluctuate between being unable to think in social scenarios and over-analyzing every chosen word or topic for conversation. In terms of the former, introverts will know that it is almost impossible to think within a group, as endless small talk and chatter disrupts their thought processes and prevents them from processing topics of conversation. As they become anxious and even keener to make an impression, however, they visit the other extreme and over analyse every potential contribution to the conversation.

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This filter ultimately creates doubt and confusion, meaning that introverts sit silently on the sidelines while the world passes them by.

5. Introverts dread a ringing phone.

I myself am not a huge fan of phone calls, usually because they are either made by customer service reps or family members wanting to engage in idle chit-chat. Either way the sound of a ringing phone usually triggers a sense of dread or apprehension, which will probably strike a chord with all introverts out there. This will usually force me to ignore repeated calls, until I summon the will to return them (at least to numbers that I recognize). The irony of this is that I also hate making calls too, so this creates an all too familiar cycle of anxiety and procrastination!

6. Introverts are often under-appreciated and under-estimated in the workplace.

As introverts we are often under-appreciated in the workplace, primarily because we are misunderstood by employers. An often overlooked characteristic of introverts is that they are motivated and energized by internal thoughts, as opposed to extroverts who thrive on the energy of others. This type of introspective approach can often be confused with apathy or a lack of confidence by employers, forcing them to constantly overlook introverts for promotion and advancement.

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I can identify with this only too well, and this is the primary reason why I decided to work independently as a blogger and writer.

7. Introverts often wish they were extroverted.

In many ways, you cannot blame employees for misunderstanding introverts. After all, I have met many introverts who misunderstand their own condition and crave the energy and social prowess showcased by those with an extroverted personality. This can occasionally serve as the inspiration for introverts to enter into group conversations, as a part of them longs to hold court and interact with others simultaneously. Such envy can hinder introverts, however, as they waste time longing to be something they are not rather than embracing their nature and making the most of their lives.

8. Introverts struggle to build romantic relationships.

While their ability to listen and pursue paths of personal development makes introvert excellent romantic companions, building such liaisons in the first instance can be painstaking, time consuming and the very definition of awkward. All introverts will associate with the familiar feeling of dread when meeting someone that they like for the very first time, as they become flustered and struggle to muster the words required to engage them.

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I would urge all introverts to persist, however, as we have the capability to enjoy harmonious and genuinely peaceful relationships.

Featured photo credit: Send me Adrift / Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 17, 2018

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Have you ever wanted to say something at work, but a little voice of doubt crept in and said, “what if you are wrong”?

Maybe you wanted to apply for that promotion or ask that special someone on a date, but something kept you from taking action. When you think you’re not good enough, you tend to fear the outcome and lack faith in your abilities. That is why it is vital you discover how to believe in yourself so you can accomplish your goals and create your dream life.

Whatever your situation, the fears and self-doubt your false beliefs create will always stop you in your tracks. Identifying the beliefs that cause you to sabotage your life is the first step to removing them.

Self-doubt causes inaction, and inaction leads to regret. When you are not following your passion and living your dream life, you are left with a lot of questions:

  • What if I took a chance on myself?
  • Could I have had a better life if I took more risks?
  • Am I be satisfied with the legacy I am leaving behind?
  • What could I have accomplished if I did not settle for less?

So why would you think you’re not good enough?

1. Parenting

The perception you have of yourself is based on your past experiences. There are studies that show children mimic everything from their parents ability to regulate emotions, to their parents belief about money.[1]

I have had clients who did not believe they were good enough because they did not receive any positive reinforcement as a child. When they were young, their parents were extremely overprotective.

Think of your childhood challenges like dragons you had to slay. Each obstacle you overcame was another dragon you successfully removed from your life. As you slay more dragons, your self-esteem and confidence increase. When someone has overprotective parents, their parents end up slaying the dragons.

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As a result, the child builds more confidence in their parent’s abilities, while still doubting their own.

If you are never encouraged to slay your own dragons, you start to doubt whether you can. It is only natural for a child to conclude their parents are always helping them because they think they need it. This child ages into an adult who still believes they are not good enough. They seek the help and confirmation of others, and they rarely stand-up to opposition.

Solution: Slay Your Dragons!

If you want to believe in yourself, you are going to have to take steps to rebuild your trust in yourself. Start by keeping your word to others and arriving on-time. By showing yourself that others can (and do) trust you, you are going to feel more comfortable trusting yourself.

As you move onto larger and more challenging tasks, you have built a foundation of trust in your ability to keep your word. Next, you are going to want to reclaim your sword from others. At first, you may want to confide in whoever it is currently slaying your dragons.

Understand if it is your parent or someone who loves you, they want the best for you and mean well. You are simply going to tell them that you want to do the work, and will ask them for their thoughts in the planning phase. Feel free to check in with them and give them updates on your progress, while making sure they understand you are wanting to do the work yourself.

Then when the task is completed, let them know so you can celebrate together. Now that you have slayed your own dragon, you can start to reclaim your confidence. By you utilizing them as your guide, you get the added bonus of someone you respect and admire, telling you how amazing you are.

Think of it like a symbolic passing of the torch. Now, you are both dragon slayers. Which means all the positive attributes you attributed to them slaying your dragons, now belong to you.

2. Over-Exaggerating and Oversimplifying

Your past experiences may involve you or someone close to you failing. When you experience failure, you can lose your desire to continue. This has less to do with whether you are brave or scared, and more to do with the fact that your mind does not like failure.

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No one enjoys participating in events in which they under-perform. Outside of the usual reasons of embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of failure – it is simply not fun.

Who wants to play baseball if they strikeout every time it is their turn? Would you enjoy singing in front of an audience if you were booed off the stage every time you performed? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

The thing about those two examples is no one really strikes out “every” at-bat. It is also unlikely someone could be booed off the stage “every time” they performed in-front of an audience.

What ends up happening is you oversimplify and exaggerate your past experiences and then your mind believes you. If you believe you are not good enough to ask someone on a date because they “always” tell you no, then do not be surprised you never muster the courage to do so.

If you want to overcome these feelings of inadequacy, start by changing your beliefs. This exercise does not need to be complicated. If you believe you strikeout every time it is your turn, I want to you to go to a batting cage and keep swinging until you hit the baseball.

When you experience success, I want you to take a mental note, write it down, or have someone video it. This is your proof that you do not always strike out. Then, whenever your belief that you are not good enough resurfaces, you are going to replay that video.

Regardless of the situation, you can find a successful experience that you are overlooking.

Solution: Read About the Failures of Others

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but reading about the failures of other successful people will improve your confidence. In a study conducted by Columbia University, they found that teaching students about the failures of great scientists encouraged them to do better.[2]

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When you are battling fear and self-doubt, you tend to over-exaggerate the abilities of others and diminish your own by comparison. You start to believe the successful are successful because they are courageous risk-takers, who do not take no for an answer. You tell yourself, they are meant to succeed, while you on the other hand are not.

When you are able to relate to the successful, you start to realize they have the same struggles and challenges you do. The only difference is they kept going.

Now it is not a question of whether you can succeed, it is a question of whether you want to succeed.

3. Undervalue Yourself

What is the main difference between someone who believes they are good enough and someone who does not? The person who believes they are good enough understands they are a person of value.

What I mean by this is if you do not believe you are worth being listened to, you will not have anything to say. If you do not believe you are good enough to be respected and treated as such, you will accept and rationalize all kinds of mistreatment.

There is an old saying that we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated. When someone has the confidence and self-esteem that commands respect, they will not accept being treated any kind of way. However, if someone does not see themselves as worthy, they will remain in toxic situations because they do not believe anything better is on the horizon.

Dr. Jennifer Crocker, who worked on a series of self-esteem studies, found in her latest research that:[3]

“College students who based their self-worth on external sources–including appearance, approval from others and even their academic performance–reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use and symptoms of eating disorders”

Solution: Internalize Your Self-Worth

Instead of valuing yourself based on the awards, recognition, and accolades of others, you need to search internally. By basing your perception of yourself on your core values, you can regain control over self-image.

Instead of focusing on things that are outside of control, keep your mind on what it is that makes you special. You are not defined by your job, relationships, religion, or education. Rather, you are defined by the manner in which you participate in these things. You may be a creative, hard-working, and compassionate person; and that shows up in every thing you do.

Understand that you do not need to be creative, hard-working, and compassionate all the time to consider yourself these things. You are not trying to be perfect, but you are trying to connect with your true self.

By understanding the similarities in which you tackle objectives, you will build a consistent and powerful self-worth that stands apart from external confirmation.

Final Thoughts

Do not allow your past experiences do dictate your future success. You do not want to look back on your life and have a lot of questions and regrets.

Build trust in yourself by taking action today. This will help you build the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your ability to become the champion of your life.

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Featured photo credit: Riccardo Mion via unsplash.com

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