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5 Things I Learned From Rock And Roll

5 Things I Learned From Rock And Roll

We live in a world where rock and roll is largely seen as the product of a bygone era. At least it seems to me like that, while the underground seems to be hinting at a comeback. As someone who’s identified as a rock and roll kind of guy for most of his life I’ve grown concerned of this largely because I fear that there is some very real wisdom that rock and roll brought us that we are missing out on. Here are five of the most important tings that my years running around gigs and partying with everyone from Aerosmith and KISS to Cannibal Corpse has taught me.

1. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

The roadie is puking in the bathroom after accidentally taking a bunch of meth that he thought was cocaine (A surprisingly common mistake!), the bass player just hooked up with a chick who probably has chlamydia (Or at least local punk Crusty Pete says so) and the rest of the band is sitting at the bar laughing at the rhythm guitarists antics (Hey man, Johnny is hilarious when he’s drunk!). What the hell? Do these people have no grasp on reality? Where do they get off? In fact – these guys have an incredibly firm understanding of what’s going on – rock and rollers are fully aware of how hard this whole thing is. They are the ones trying to make a living off of it after all. So why are they so chilled out all the time? Shouldn’t they be freaking out?

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Not really. See – these men of the road are in a stressful environment day in and day out, and sometimes are on the road for up to ten months of the year. They’ve been through it all and the vast majority of them have come to realize that eventually the natural order of the universe will come into place. If the gods don’t want them to play their next show because the bass player has to deal with his latest STD, so be it – there is nothing that can be helped by worrying. You’re always going to have to face struggles, new challenges and bleak futures – that’s just how it goes, especially in rock and roll. Once you come to terms with that, it’s a whole lot easier to chill out, take life by the horns and embrace a brand new day.

2. Do It For The Cause

The most maligned group of people in rock and roll are the infamous ‘posers’. People who are there simply because they think it makes them look cool and not because they are trying to actually contribute to the scene. Thee are the people who have no real interest in the music – and that makes everyone have a worse time. If you’re killing the vibe and showing up somewhere for the wrong reasons then nobody is going to like you – that’s just how life works, there’s nothing that you can do about it.

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So anytime you find yourself in a new situation – and one that you think you might end up deeply invested in – take a minute to step back and evaluate why you’re there. Are you doing it for the right reasons? Or are you just trying to profit? People can spot a phony from a mile off, so you have to be careful when figuring out what you want from a new opportunity. If you’re not their for the cause, ideologically, morally or whatever, then you might want to move away from it because if your heart isn’t it, what’s the point anyway?

3. Keep Your Expectations Low

I’ve seen David Bowie’s longtime trumpet player Mac Gollehon play in front of 20 people in a tiny bar on a Wednesday night. I’ve seen Billy Milano – a platinum selling artist – play a tiny basement show. Hell! I’ve even seen a band on tour from Europe – in their prime at that – play a show in a crust punks basement in a shitty South Philly neighborhood. That’s just how this whole thing works: many of us are bitter, worn down and tired and there’s nothing protecting us from that. The simple fact of the matter is that even by having expectations, you are simply setting yourself up to be disappointed.

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Nothing is handed to you in this world and as long as you can keep on going, you should be happy. In a world of entitlement it’s the rock and rollers who possibly understand this best. They are used to playing packed crowds one night and then empty clubs the next – the audience is fickle and keeping one step ahead of the rat race is always a challenge. So ultimately, why even bother? When you can simply chill out and enjoy life as it comes with no real expectations it’s much easier to come to terms with the existential suffering that can to often come to define our lives.

4. Everyone Can Help You Out

What the most successful touring bands have come to realize is that anyone and everyone is a potential ally. As New York City blues legend Tomàs Doncker is fond of saying “We are under siege” and when in a siege you need to take help wherever you can get it. Here’s the thing: everyone feels better when they can help someone out, and while not everyone is looking to actively help you (and in fact some folks want quite the opposite) in my experience people are generally out to do good. Everyone is a potential connection, and our nations rockers get it.

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Being in a touring band often requires you to trust strangers, trust that they won’t harvest your organs when they sleep on their floor, trust that they will be paid at the end of the night, hell, they even have to trust in small things like that their food has been made properly and they aren’t facing a twelve hour drive whilst suffering food poisoning. Being in a touring band is a larger metaphor for life – everything is incredibly precarious and chaotic, and while some people have a lot of help you still have to keep your head up and make sure you don’t screw up, because after some mistakes there really is no coming back.

5. Life Is A Party

This is perhaps what rock and roll is best known for – the parties. No matter what the circumstances a lot of these bands are made up of fun loving dudes who are excited to be out and on the road and stoked to see their buddies, buddies who they might only cross paths with once or twice a year. Being in a band on the road is an adventure in and of itself – that’s why there is so much romance based around it. And that’s why amidst all the chaos and confusion that can define your typical tour experience there is a certain zen to chilling out, lighting one up and drinking a beer with your friends.

Remember that no matter what, if you’re doing what you love then you’re partying. Even as I write this hunched over in a crappy train station waiting to go to my parents house for a few hours before going onto the next great adventure, I’m smiling and feeling good because life is a party. Sure sometimes there aren’t pretty girls, lots of drugs and money being thrown around – but there is a sublime party to be found even in solitude. Coming to terms with that and coming to terms with the eternal joy that every day life can bring you is essential, if you want to be able to carry on through the fire and the flames of our daily toil.

Featured photo credit: Digboston via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 13, 2018

5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

Making love can be simultaneously the most pleasurable and the most stressful experience that we share with another human being. It is a natural conclusion of the ritual of intimacy we engage in with a person we find attractive on both a physical and psychological level. Yet, we are far removed from our animalistic roots, and that which was once a matter of instinct has become somewhat complex. This is a good thing; we have grown as a society, and there are many factors involved when it comes to the relationship between sexual partners. However, we have also lost a great deal of the physical prowess our primitive ancestors had.

They engaged in a huge amount of physical activities daily — activities that ensured their cardiovascular system and muscles were in great shape, which allowed them to have healthy libidos, strong erections, and the muscular strength, limberness and endurance to maintain different positions for a long time without getting exhausted. Luckily, we can regain some of these animalistic traits with the right kind of training. Here are some essential exercises that will help improve your relationship, but making you more confident in intimate settings, which means that you’ll have more satisfying intercourse.

Don Juan

    1. Cardio for Stamina

    If you’re out of shape, the first thing you’ll notice during intercourse is that you start to breathe heavily, sweat profusely and tire easily. This means you’ll have to shift your posture frequently and limit yourself to a few positions you feel comfortable with or significantly slow down the pace. A high BMI has also been linked to potential problems with erectile dysfunction. Cardiovascular exercises like running, jumping rope, swimming and cycling will build up your aerobic stamina and enable you to perform longer before becoming fatigued, thus having better intercourse. They’ll also help manage your weight, possibly helping performance.

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    Triathlon symbol
      • Running – 10-20 minutes a day (1-3 miles a day is more than enough)
      • Jumping rope – 5-20 minutes a day
      • Swimming – 30 minutes a day
      • Cycling – 30 minutes a day

      The time in minutes denotes time spent actively performing the exercise, and you need to factor in a bit more time for warming up before and cooling down after the exercises.

      These exercises can be performed every day or every other day, and the goal is to work on both endurance and speed. Don’t just go at a snail’s pace; constantly try to improve your time or add some mileage.

      2. Strength-Training for Your Lower Body and Core

      The next thing you’ll need to focus on is improving both the strength and muscular endurance of the hip flexors, abdominals and spinal erectors. These are the muscles engaged in thrusting and circular motions, and they also stabilize your body in a number of different positions. The legs also play an important role, particularly in standing and kneeling positions. Here are a few exercises that will help you strengthen up this area:

      Barbell squats
        • Heavy barbell squats – set up at a power rack at the gym and make sure you use proper form and weights that you can lift 3-8 times. Do this exercise before anything else in the gym for 4-5 sets to get big and powerful legs, as well as tighten up the muscles of the core. This is useful for both men and women, particularly if you enjoy the woman-on-top positions and standing positions. You can do hack squats on the machine if your gym lacks a power rack, but you won’t get the core-strengthening benefits

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        Zercher squat
          • Zercher squatsthis type of squat is a perfect way for guys to strengthen their body for standing positions where the woman is lifted off the ground. Build up a foundation of strength first, and then use lighter weights and go for 10-12 repetitions to focus on muscle endurance.

          Glute bridge
            • Glute bridgethis exercise is great for working the glutes and hip thrusters, and should be done for ultra-high reps —up to 100 — to increase muscle endurance. Once you become stronger in this movement, you can upgrade to the barbell glute bridge and keep the reps high — around 10 to 15.

            Hyperextensions
              • Hyperextensions – excellent for strengthening the spinal erectors, this exercise (or a variation of it) may be done in most gyms and even at home. Do 2 to 3 sets of 10 to 12 repetitions at the end of your workout.

              Ab wheel rollout
                • Ab wheel rollout – this is a great exercise for strengthening the abs, and requires only a piece of inexpensive equipment. It will help you stay stable and hold positions longer without getting tired during intercourse. Do three sets of this workout for as many repetitions as you can.

                Cross body crunch
                  • Cross body crunchthis exercise improves your ability to perform explosive twisting motions, particularly good for improving your stamina in the spoon position where you’e lying on your side. Do 2 to 3 sets of this exercise at the end of your workout.

                  Incorporate these exercises into your routine 2 to 3 times a week.

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                  3. Upper-Body Strength Training

                  Upper-body strength plays an important role in many popular sex positions where the arms are used to provide a stable base or hold onto the partner. These including missionary, doggy style, the stand and carry (with the woman holding onto the man’s neck) and others. Use these simple exercises to improve upper body strength and endurance:

                  Plank exercise
                    • Plank – while bench pressing is great for building a big chest, you will find yourself in need of static strength, muscle endurance and a strong core. This exercise is a great way to increase the amount of time you are able to hold positions that require you to support yourself with your arms. For added difficulty, straighten out your arms like at the top of a pushup and hold as long as you can.

                    Close grip pushups
                      • Close pushups – a pushup variation that focuses on triceps, which are the first to give out during a prolonged missionary or similar position. Go for very high reps, 20 t0 50, to work on muscle endurance.

                      Chin ups
                        • Chin-ups – A great upper back and biceps builder, this exercise will also target the core if you try to be as straight as possible when lifting yourself up. You can jump to help make things easier, or just hold as long as you can if you aren’t strong enough to perform a single chin up. Do 3 to 4 sets for as many reps as you can.

                        These exercises, done about three times a week, will help you develop a strong upper body that can keep going and hold you up for extended periods of time.

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                        4. Pelvic-Floor Exercises

                        You don’t have to perform these at the gym, although you could do them after your workout without anyone even noticing. The idea behind Kegel exercises is to improve blood flow to the sex organs and strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor in both men and women. By locating these muscles and tightening and relaxing them for intervals of 5 seconds for 10 to 15 repetitions at a time, several times a day, you can improve pleasure and performance during sex. Women can tighten their vaginal walls for increased pleasure to both them and their partner, while men can delay ejaculation by tightening these muscles.

                        5. Flexibility Moves for Legs and Hips

                        Lion stretching

                          If you want to avoid getting cramps — or even worse, pulling a muscle during intercourse — you should do a few simple stretches every day. The more limber you are, the more comfortable you’ll be with more exotic poses. Here are a few simple stretches to improve hip and leg flexibility:

                          Take a few minutes to warm up with some light running or jumping jacks before stretching, and spend some 10 minutes on these stretches. You can do them in the morning and at night, or shortly before intercourse.

                          With just a few hours a week devoted to exercise, you can improve your relationship significantly. If you focus on these exercises, over time, you just might become dynamite in bed.

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