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FBI Agent Teaches Us How to Develop Will Power

FBI Agent Teaches Us How to Develop Will Power

When I saw that an FBI agent was talking about will power; I knew I had to pay attention. I’ve worked with the FBI several times during my career with the US Army Special Forces and have the utmost respect for them. FBI agents are smart, tough, and get things done.

Former FBI Agent LaRae Quy gives us 5 of her secrets to developing will power. Will power is one of those things that are hard to define, but you know it when you see it. You can call it determination, drive, resolve, self-discipline, self-control, or mental toughness. It’s really about taking the hard right instead of the easy wrong. It’s about gutting it out when the going gets tough and you could quit, but don’t.

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1. Keep an eye on your goal.

You have to know what is important to you and keep that foremost in your mind. In the self-help niche, it’s know as the goal behind the goal. You might want to lose 10 pounds, but the goal behind the goal is to look more attractive to your partner. When Agent Quy faced a tough test in the FBI Academy, her goal behind the goal was becoming a FBI agent.

2. Avoid shortcuts.

She talks about cutting corners during a race in the Academy and learning a solid lesson after being caught. Cutting corners on an investigation can cause a bad guy to go free. In some of the Special Forces missions I conducted, cutting corners could have resulted in death. Will power is the ability to ignore short term temptations to meet long term goals.

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3. Train your brain.

Agent Quy talks about how mediation can aid will power.

“Control your thoughts so you can choose your focal point.”

Another way to do this is through the use of “muscle memory.” Train at something for long enough with perfect technique and eventually your body will be able to perform it without you thinking about it. This will strengthen your will power so that you can focus on what is important.

4. Practice persistence.

FBI agents can’t quit. Agent Quy learned that back in the Academy. Her mantra was, “I will not quit. If I get knocked down, I will get up and keep at it. No matter how many times. I have what it takes to make it.”

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5. Change your mindset—as often as necessary.

She talks about how the FBI has a limit on how long they can work a particular tip. If an agent can’t find validate it within 90 days, it is closed. Will power gave her the ability to keep on, digging, investigating, keeping an open mind in order to determine if it is a valid threat or not. I have always used the terms “improvise,” “adapt,” and “overcome.” In the Special Forces, we had the same concerns; using will power to tell yourself you are going to do whatever it takes to make it happen will give you the ability to get things done you never thought possible.

You can use will power too.

As an FBI agent for over 24 years, LaRae Quy first used will power to make it through the Academy and then throughout her FBI career. I used will power in my life to pass the Special Forces Qualification Course, complete successful missions throughout the world, and become the writer and self help coach I am now.

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Through will power, you can get you what you want for yourself too. Will power applied appropriately will help you eat right, exercise regularly, avoid drugs and alcohol, save for retirement, stop procrastinating, and achieve all sorts of noble goals.

Featured photo credit: CONVAR1615 via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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