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Why People Who Don’t Use Phones All the Time Lead A More Meaningful Life

Why People Who Don’t Use Phones All the Time Lead A More Meaningful Life

Prepare yourself for a bit of a rant.

I spent much of January, 2011 in Costa Rica on a study abroad trip. I returned with many vivid memories, such as staring into a volcano, hiking down hundreds of stone steps to a stunning waterfall, zip lining through misty clouds above a breathtaking rain forest, and eating dinner at a cliff-side restaurant overlooking a starlit valley.

But perhaps my favorite memory, the one I miss the most, is the moment I locked my cell phone in the hotel safe—where it lurked for the rest of the trip.

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Don’t get me wrong. Phones are useful. But somewhere along the way, people seem to have stopped viewing phones as a means to an end and started treating them like little rechargeable deities. I say “little”—these last few years phones have hit a growth spurt. Society needs to make up its mind. How can you expect me to wear skinny jeans when I’m trying to transport a phone that’s as big as my face? But I digress.

Anyway, assuming you’re like me, and you can spend an hour sans cell phone (without hyperventilating), let’s indulge in a playful little tribute to ourselves. Here is why the few of us who can survive an awkward pause without a cellphone conversation are wonderful.

1. We know how to have an actual conversation.

Don’t you love it when you’re telling a story and the listener pulls out their phone? Some would argue I’m just a bad story teller, but I choose to blame phone addicts. If you were talking to me and I turned to talk to someone else, you would be annoyed right? So how is it any different when you start reading a text? Why are the text thoughts more important than mine? I’m the one who cared enough to actually spend time with you. And don’t give me the classic line “Keep going, I’m still listening.” I’ll bet you are.

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2. We can go on an actual vacation.

I love cruises. So much. And one of the many reasons is everybody leaves their phones in their rooms and tries to remember how to be a human being—at least while they’re on the ship.

Earlier this year, my wife and I went on a cruise that debarked in Cozumel. We hitched a ride to the nearest beach; and while I swam in the crystal clear water, bounced sky high on floating trampolines, and tried to conquer my crippling fear of marine life, my beautiful wife took advantage of the beach’s free wifi. Because apparently that’s a thing now. Free wifi. At the beach.

3. We can tell you who won the game.

I will never understand this. How can you spend big money on concert or sports tickets and waste the whole show looking at your phone? Explain that to me. I took a college class from the GM of a minor league baseball team. He explained a growing struggle in live sports is keeping people’s attention on the action instead of their phones. Hence all the wacky dance contests and t-shirt bombardments during timeouts.

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4. We’re less stressed (according to research).

In a study conducted at the University of Missouri, Time Magazine reports students’ “blood pressure and heart rate increased” when their cell phones “started ringing across the room but they were unable to answer them.”

In a different study, “high mobile phone use was associated with sleep disturbances and symptoms of depression for the men and symptoms of depression for the women.”

And since many of us use our phones to browse through social media sites, I’ll give you one more. Elite Daily reports, “New research suggests people who don’t use Facebook are happier than the average person who uses the social networking site regularly.”

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5. We don’t ruin movies for everyone around us.

Remember when the first “turn off your phones” reminder showed up in movie theaters? At the time, it didn’t seem that necessary. Now, the movie warm up routine is basically preview, “turn off your phone,” preview, “turn off your phone,” opening credits, “turn off your phone.” And it still doesn’t work! I was at one theater that encouraged people to install an app that puts your phone on “movie mode.” Are you kidding me? Your phone already has a built-in movie mode. It’s called “silent,” and it’s not hard to activate.

Confession Time

I may have come on strong in this post, so let me land this plane with a little humility and a dose of encouragement.

I’m a recovering cell phone addict. My particular app of choice was Clash of Clans. I would rearrange my entire schedule and mistreat the people around me in service to that game. But thanks to a five day cruise (I told you cruises were wonderful), I broke the habit. Then I went a step further. I’ve recently changed the settings on my phone’s work email account so it won’t sync unless I tell it to manually. This gives me access to my work emails when I want, instead of letting them constantly interrupt my evenings and weekends.

If you find yourself feeling shackled to your cell phone, consider the research and know that, at least in my case, life has been more fun ever since I took control (minus a few days of withdrawal).

Featured photo credit: View Apart via shutterstock.com

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Kyle Young

Operations Manager, GoinsWriter

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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