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Things That You Don’t Need To Tell A Strong Woman At All

Things That You Don’t Need To Tell A Strong Woman At All

Things that you don’t need to tell a strong woman at all as she has been through a lot of challenges in her life but has never allowed the negative experiences to define her. She’s clear about what she does and doesn’t want and is not afraid to stand up against things that she does not agree with or finds unfair.

Meeting someone who knows themselves so well can feel intimidating and make you question what you can or cannot say to them. Here are some things that you really don’t need to tell a strong woman at all.

1. Get over it, it’s been long enough

You don’t need to tell a strong woman how long she must spend on the floor after life has knocked her down. She knows that she needs time to process the setback and then make a plan of action to move forward. She won’t dwell on things for long but she knows when she needs a timeout to just let go and be.

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2. You’re stupid and worthless

The reason for her strength is because she knows her own self-worth and her own value. Telling her that she’s stupid and worthless will only make her look down at you and show her that you are reflecting your own self-worth on to her.

3. You’re so confident

Strong women exude confidence because they have overcome a lot in their journey and learned from their experiences. They are not arrogant but humble with their confidence because they have taken enough knocks in life and gotten back up again.

4. You don’t need anyone to lean on

Everyone needs someone to lean on when things happen in life and a strong woman knows that. She’s not afraid to reach out for support or ask for help. By following this action she is showing her strength even more because being strong does not mean you need to be alone!

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5. I will tell you how to live your life

A strong woman knows what she does and doesn’t want in her life. When someone is constantly telling her what she should say, do and how she should be; odds are that that person will no longer be a part of her life. She will not tolerate being treated like a child.

6. I am the guy you’ve been waiting for

If you want to be with a strong woman then do not tell her that you are the man for her. She knows her mind and heart and will only be with you if she sees something special in you. Otherwise she will find someone else, she’s in no hurry.

7. You don’t know how to fix this

Strong women are solution driven and not problem focused. So telling a woman that something cannot be done will only make her more determined in finding a solution to making things happen.

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8. You don’t need to do anything with your life

Strong women are driven to achieve their dreams and accomplish something in their lives. They do not have the energy or willpower to sit around and do nothing for long. Even if she isn’t a career woman, odds are she will be part of or leading some organisation or charity and making a difference.

9. You’re such a weak person

A strong woman is all about being assertive. She knows her boundaries and is clear about what she will and won’t tolerate from people. She doesn’t need to scream and shout to get her point across.

10. You don’t get what they want

A strong woman likes open, honest and direct communication.  Mind games are something she finds immature and a waste of time. She has nothing to hide and therefore is not afraid to tell you what she is thinking. So just ask.

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Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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