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10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

Your twenties are for figuring out how to be an adult and making mistakes along the way. Once you turn thirty, you have had a decade of experience behind you and realize what is no longer acceptable for your life. For me, I realized when I was almost thirty that I needed to learn how to get in control of my finances and personal budget.

Read on to see a few things that do not cut it anymore.

1. Ignoring the benefits of physical exercise will lead to a lifetime of bad health

In your twenties, your body may have been more forgiving when you went weeks without exercising, but now that you are older your body cannot be neglected anymore. I know that a late night eating binge is much harder on my body now, than in my twenties when my metabolism was much faster. Making it a priority to get daily exercise, is of the utmost importance not only for maintaining your current health, but also even more so as you get older. No matter how busy your schedule gets, you can always make room for a thirty minute walk around the block or a quick jog through a nearby park.

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2. Tolerating worthless guys will lead to you always dating someone who doesn’t care about your well-being

Throughout your twenties you put up with a lot of guys who you knew deep down were not worthy of your time. Waiting for that guy from last night to call or playing the is-he-into-me game over and over in your head. I spent many nights waiting for “Mr. Right” to call. Now that you are older and wiser, you know your self-worth and realize that you deserve a guy who knows how to treat a woman and is not afraid of commitment.

3. Considering junk food a meal when really it is poisoning your body

It can be easy as a young adult when you are broke to get dinner from McDonald’s or eat instant ramen for the third time in a week. As you get older you realize how much damage you are doing to your body and the importance of nourishing it with wholesome meals. I used to consider junk food a viable meal, but now I cringe when I think about all the chemicals I put into my body. Instead of scarfing a whole bag of potato chips, from now on you should go for apple slices with peanut butter. Not as exciting, but your body will definitely thank you in the long run.

4. Being ashamed about who you are will disable you from reaching your dreams

In your twenties you felt like you had to hide certain parts of who you were if they were not socially acceptable, for example wanting to become a writer instead of working in marketing. I am embracing the fact that I am a writer and although I still sometimes feel insecure about this career path, I know it’s the right choice for me. You now realize that life is short and it’s important to embrace who you are, no matter what society thinks.

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5. Ignoring your mental health can create a domino effect into all areas of your life

Adult life can be immensely stressful and as a twenty-something it was easier to deal with issues by drowning yourself in a tub of ice cream and binge watching your favorite TV show. I know I had my fair share of nights at home, soothing my pain with chocolates and wine. As a woman in your thirties you realize there is now a much better way to deal with life’s hardships, whether it is taking time to meditate for a few minutes in the morning or seeing a therapist every week.

6. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worthless

One of the most toxic habits of your twenties was constantly comparing yourself with your peers, whether it was virtually or in real life. I realize how toxic social media like Facebook and Instagram can be and try to catch myself when I begin to fanitcise about other people’s so-called perfect life. You now realize this only caused more pain and that most importantly no one’s life is perfect, even if their Instagram feed says otherwise.

7. Not standing up for yourself will prevent you from reaching your goals

There were plenty of moments throughout your twenties when you looked back and wished you had been more assertive, whether it was at work or in your personal life. I used to be terrified that I would say something wrong and die of embaressement, but now I know it is better to speak-up and have your opinions heard. As a thirty-something you now know how important it is to have your voice heard, especially since no one else is going to do it for you.

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8. Superficial friendships only suck your valuable time and energy

In you twenties having a large social circle was enjoyable, even if you did not necessary like everyone in it. In your thirties you have now come to realize the importance of having a few true friends instead. In my thirties, I am truly beginning to realize quality over quantity with my friendships and that having a few close friends is much more important than having a dozen friends that you only know on the surface.

9. Not indulging in a few expensive items will make you realize your house is filled with cheap things you often have to replace

Being a frugal twenty-something, buying cheap clothes and accessories seemed to make sense. Now that you are in your thirties you see the importance of buying a few important items that are of quality and that you will be able to use for a very long time. I used to think cheaper is better, but after realizing that I was actually spending more than I thought when I had to replace an item after a few months, I realized the importance of upgrading to better quality.

10. Not knowing how to cook will lead to you having to get take-out for dinner parties

As a young adult it is easier to get away with only knowing how to cook pasta and scrambled eggs, but now that you are older it is important to know how to make several healthy of dishes that will not only give you variety in your daily meals, but also are great for when friends come over for dinner. I realized there is nothing that compares to a home-cooked meal because it’s something you can truly be proud of as a host.

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Featured photo credit: KieferPix via shutterstock.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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