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10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

Your twenties are for figuring out how to be an adult and making mistakes along the way. Once you turn thirty, you have had a decade of experience behind you and realize what is no longer acceptable for your life. For me, I realized when I was almost thirty that I needed to learn how to get in control of my finances and personal budget.

Read on to see a few things that do not cut it anymore.

1. Ignoring the benefits of physical exercise will lead to a lifetime of bad health

In your twenties, your body may have been more forgiving when you went weeks without exercising, but now that you are older your body cannot be neglected anymore. I know that a late night eating binge is much harder on my body now, than in my twenties when my metabolism was much faster. Making it a priority to get daily exercise, is of the utmost importance not only for maintaining your current health, but also even more so as you get older. No matter how busy your schedule gets, you can always make room for a thirty minute walk around the block or a quick jog through a nearby park.

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2. Tolerating worthless guys will lead to you always dating someone who doesn’t care about your well-being

Throughout your twenties you put up with a lot of guys who you knew deep down were not worthy of your time. Waiting for that guy from last night to call or playing the is-he-into-me game over and over in your head. I spent many nights waiting for “Mr. Right” to call. Now that you are older and wiser, you know your self-worth and realize that you deserve a guy who knows how to treat a woman and is not afraid of commitment.

3. Considering junk food a meal when really it is poisoning your body

It can be easy as a young adult when you are broke to get dinner from McDonald’s or eat instant ramen for the third time in a week. As you get older you realize how much damage you are doing to your body and the importance of nourishing it with wholesome meals. I used to consider junk food a viable meal, but now I cringe when I think about all the chemicals I put into my body. Instead of scarfing a whole bag of potato chips, from now on you should go for apple slices with peanut butter. Not as exciting, but your body will definitely thank you in the long run.

4. Being ashamed about who you are will disable you from reaching your dreams

In your twenties you felt like you had to hide certain parts of who you were if they were not socially acceptable, for example wanting to become a writer instead of working in marketing. I am embracing the fact that I am a writer and although I still sometimes feel insecure about this career path, I know it’s the right choice for me. You now realize that life is short and it’s important to embrace who you are, no matter what society thinks.

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5. Ignoring your mental health can create a domino effect into all areas of your life

Adult life can be immensely stressful and as a twenty-something it was easier to deal with issues by drowning yourself in a tub of ice cream and binge watching your favorite TV show. I know I had my fair share of nights at home, soothing my pain with chocolates and wine. As a woman in your thirties you realize there is now a much better way to deal with life’s hardships, whether it is taking time to meditate for a few minutes in the morning or seeing a therapist every week.

6. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worthless

One of the most toxic habits of your twenties was constantly comparing yourself with your peers, whether it was virtually or in real life. I realize how toxic social media like Facebook and Instagram can be and try to catch myself when I begin to fanitcise about other people’s so-called perfect life. You now realize this only caused more pain and that most importantly no one’s life is perfect, even if their Instagram feed says otherwise.

7. Not standing up for yourself will prevent you from reaching your goals

There were plenty of moments throughout your twenties when you looked back and wished you had been more assertive, whether it was at work or in your personal life. I used to be terrified that I would say something wrong and die of embaressement, but now I know it is better to speak-up and have your opinions heard. As a thirty-something you now know how important it is to have your voice heard, especially since no one else is going to do it for you.

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8. Superficial friendships only suck your valuable time and energy

In you twenties having a large social circle was enjoyable, even if you did not necessary like everyone in it. In your thirties you have now come to realize the importance of having a few true friends instead. In my thirties, I am truly beginning to realize quality over quantity with my friendships and that having a few close friends is much more important than having a dozen friends that you only know on the surface.

9. Not indulging in a few expensive items will make you realize your house is filled with cheap things you often have to replace

Being a frugal twenty-something, buying cheap clothes and accessories seemed to make sense. Now that you are in your thirties you see the importance of buying a few important items that are of quality and that you will be able to use for a very long time. I used to think cheaper is better, but after realizing that I was actually spending more than I thought when I had to replace an item after a few months, I realized the importance of upgrading to better quality.

10. Not knowing how to cook will lead to you having to get take-out for dinner parties

As a young adult it is easier to get away with only knowing how to cook pasta and scrambled eggs, but now that you are older it is important to know how to make several healthy of dishes that will not only give you variety in your daily meals, but also are great for when friends come over for dinner. I realized there is nothing that compares to a home-cooked meal because it’s something you can truly be proud of as a host.

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Featured photo credit: KieferPix via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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