Advertising

10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

Advertising
10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

Your twenties are for figuring out how to be an adult and making mistakes along the way. Once you turn thirty, you have had a decade of experience behind you and realize what is no longer acceptable for your life. For me, I realized when I was almost thirty that I needed to learn how to get in control of my finances and personal budget.

Read on to see a few things that do not cut it anymore.

1. Ignoring the benefits of physical exercise will lead to a lifetime of bad health

In your twenties, your body may have been more forgiving when you went weeks without exercising, but now that you are older your body cannot be neglected anymore. I know that a late night eating binge is much harder on my body now, than in my twenties when my metabolism was much faster. Making it a priority to get daily exercise, is of the utmost importance not only for maintaining your current health, but also even more so as you get older. No matter how busy your schedule gets, you can always make room for a thirty minute walk around the block or a quick jog through a nearby park.

Advertising

2. Tolerating worthless guys will lead to you always dating someone who doesn’t care about your well-being

Throughout your twenties you put up with a lot of guys who you knew deep down were not worthy of your time. Waiting for that guy from last night to call or playing the is-he-into-me game over and over in your head. I spent many nights waiting for “Mr. Right” to call. Now that you are older and wiser, you know your self-worth and realize that you deserve a guy who knows how to treat a woman and is not afraid of commitment.

3. Considering junk food a meal when really it is poisoning your body

It can be easy as a young adult when you are broke to get dinner from McDonald’s or eat instant ramen for the third time in a week. As you get older you realize how much damage you are doing to your body and the importance of nourishing it with wholesome meals. I used to consider junk food a viable meal, but now I cringe when I think about all the chemicals I put into my body. Instead of scarfing a whole bag of potato chips, from now on you should go for apple slices with peanut butter. Not as exciting, but your body will definitely thank you in the long run.

4. Being ashamed about who you are will disable you from reaching your dreams

In your twenties you felt like you had to hide certain parts of who you were if they were not socially acceptable, for example wanting to become a writer instead of working in marketing. I am embracing the fact that I am a writer and although I still sometimes feel insecure about this career path, I know it’s the right choice for me. You now realize that life is short and it’s important to embrace who you are, no matter what society thinks.

Advertising

5. Ignoring your mental health can create a domino effect into all areas of your life

Adult life can be immensely stressful and as a twenty-something it was easier to deal with issues by drowning yourself in a tub of ice cream and binge watching your favorite TV show. I know I had my fair share of nights at home, soothing my pain with chocolates and wine. As a woman in your thirties you realize there is now a much better way to deal with life’s hardships, whether it is taking time to meditate for a few minutes in the morning or seeing a therapist every week.

6. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worthless

One of the most toxic habits of your twenties was constantly comparing yourself with your peers, whether it was virtually or in real life. I realize how toxic social media like Facebook and Instagram can be and try to catch myself when I begin to fanitcise about other people’s so-called perfect life. You now realize this only caused more pain and that most importantly no one’s life is perfect, even if their Instagram feed says otherwise.

7. Not standing up for yourself will prevent you from reaching your goals

There were plenty of moments throughout your twenties when you looked back and wished you had been more assertive, whether it was at work or in your personal life. I used to be terrified that I would say something wrong and die of embaressement, but now I know it is better to speak-up and have your opinions heard. As a thirty-something you now know how important it is to have your voice heard, especially since no one else is going to do it for you.

Advertising

8. Superficial friendships only suck your valuable time and energy

In you twenties having a large social circle was enjoyable, even if you did not necessary like everyone in it. In your thirties you have now come to realize the importance of having a few true friends instead. In my thirties, I am truly beginning to realize quality over quantity with my friendships and that having a few close friends is much more important than having a dozen friends that you only know on the surface.

9. Not indulging in a few expensive items will make you realize your house is filled with cheap things you often have to replace

Being a frugal twenty-something, buying cheap clothes and accessories seemed to make sense. Now that you are in your thirties you see the importance of buying a few important items that are of quality and that you will be able to use for a very long time. I used to think cheaper is better, but after realizing that I was actually spending more than I thought when I had to replace an item after a few months, I realized the importance of upgrading to better quality.

10. Not knowing how to cook will lead to you having to get take-out for dinner parties

As a young adult it is easier to get away with only knowing how to cook pasta and scrambled eggs, but now that you are older it is important to know how to make several healthy of dishes that will not only give you variety in your daily meals, but also are great for when friends come over for dinner. I realized there is nothing that compares to a home-cooked meal because it’s something you can truly be proud of as a host.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: KieferPix via shutterstock.com

More by this author

10 Reasons Why You Should Have A Drummer Girlfriend 10 Things Only Step-Siblings Can Relate To What It Really Feels Like To Be An Only Child Introverts Are More Successful In Life 10 Traps Most Women Over 30 Fall Into. Read This If You Want To Be The Survivors

Trending in Communication

1 10 Signs You Are in a Codependent Relationship (And What To Do About It) 2 I Want To Be Happy: 7 Science-Backed Ways to Find Happiness 3 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 4 10 Morning Habits Of Happy People 5 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

Advertising
How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

Advertising

  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

Advertising

Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

Advertising

However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

Advertising

Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

Advertising

  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

Read Next