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4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

Kelly Kapoor was who we all fell in love with initially! That would be Kelly Kapoor, a character from the hugely popular show, The Office. Kelly portrayed by Mindy Kaling went from a not so important character on the show to one of the staple characters that we couldn’t get enough of! And that was hugely due to Mindy’s personality shining through her character.

Mindy has this quirky and humorous way of speaking her mind and an attitude that we crave. In real life, Mindy is not too different from all the characters she has played, whether it is Kelly Kapoor from the Office or Dr. Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project. She is an accomplished writer, actress, director and producer, with many a claim to fame under her belt – and by the way she is just 36!

Mindy Kaling’s attitude has been a significant reason for her progress in life. And we can adopt a similar attitude to achieve our own goals.

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Killer Confidence, the Mindy Way:

Mindy’s confidence stands out. She wasn’t born with all the self-confidence that she now possesses and displays. She struggled through doubting herself and her abilities, much like most of us. But it all changed for her when she realized that confidence is a matter of entitlement – a belief that you deserve something. Once she adopted the mindset that she deserved something, it was easy to see the confidence arise naturally in any situation or place. The title of her most recent book sums it all – “Why Not Me?“.

Lesson to Learn: Adopt a sense of entitlement, minus the arrogance! Feeling entitled to deserve something because you rightfully earned it or because you are no different than someone is the key.

It is All About How Hard You Are Willing to Work:

There is no substitute for hard work, according to Mindy. And that gives her the confidence she possesses as well. And when we say Mindy works hard, she really does slog it off! Whatever is required to get the job done the way she wants, Mindy will do. 18 hour workdays are the norm for her. In addition, whatever she wants to get, she finds a way to get it. This quote from Mindy summarizes it well – “Write your own part. It is the only way I have gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny in your own hands.”

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Lesson to Learn: If you want something, don’t wait around for the perfect opportunity. Don’t wait for someone else to get it for you or give it to you. Get started and get it yourself!

‘Beyonce Pad Thai’ to Your Rescue:

In a difficult moment on The Mindy Project, Mindy finds her inner warrior and names the warrior, ‘Beyonce Pad Thai’. Creating that warrior alter-ego helped Mindy tackle some emotional fires. Similarly, we all need to create a warrior alter-ego from our strengths.

Lesson to Learn: We need to trust and believe that we possess inner strength beyond what is visible on the surface. Dig deeper to find that source of inner strength. Take it a step further and like Mindy, give it a name! And call upon that warrior to help you get through those difficult times. On a side note: inspired by Mindy, I’ve decided to name my inner warrior – GForce Milky Way!

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Don’t Let Your Body Image Get In The Way:

Let’s accept it. We live in an unforgiving society, filled with sizes 0s, 2s and 4s. For many people that are size 4 onwards, they question themselves, feel self conscious and aspire to be below size 4. For most people their size affects their self-esteem and other aspects of their lives as well.

Mindy does not let body image get in the way of her life. She acknowledges where she falls on the size spectrum and although she aspires to weigh a few pounds less, she does not obsess over it. She prioritizes other aspects of her life over losing those few pounds.

Lesson to Learn: Let us strive to lead healthy lives irrespective of our sizes. Aspire to be in our ideal weight, but lead healthy lives and not obsess over sizes and weights. There is much more things that life has to offer, and it is unfair to be stuck on size and lose out on other aspects of our lives.

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This quote from Mindy captures the essence of this obsession we have with body image.

“I get so worried about girls with body image stuff… And I feel like I have been able to have a fun career and be an on-camera talent and be someone who has boyfriends and love interests and wears nice clothes and those kinds of things without having to be an emaciated stick. And it is possible to do it. In life, you don’t have to be that way and you can have a great life, a fun life, and a fulfilling love life.”

Mindy summarizes her attitude perfectly with this closing quote.

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.”

Featured photo credit: missalaneyus via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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