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4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

Kelly Kapoor was who we all fell in love with initially! That would be Kelly Kapoor, a character from the hugely popular show, The Office. Kelly portrayed by Mindy Kaling went from a not so important character on the show to one of the staple characters that we couldn’t get enough of! And that was hugely due to Mindy’s personality shining through her character.

Mindy has this quirky and humorous way of speaking her mind and an attitude that we crave. In real life, Mindy is not too different from all the characters she has played, whether it is Kelly Kapoor from the Office or Dr. Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project. She is an accomplished writer, actress, director and producer, with many a claim to fame under her belt – and by the way she is just 36!

Mindy Kaling’s attitude has been a significant reason for her progress in life. And we can adopt a similar attitude to achieve our own goals.

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Killer Confidence, the Mindy Way:

Mindy’s confidence stands out. She wasn’t born with all the self-confidence that she now possesses and displays. She struggled through doubting herself and her abilities, much like most of us. But it all changed for her when she realized that confidence is a matter of entitlement – a belief that you deserve something. Once she adopted the mindset that she deserved something, it was easy to see the confidence arise naturally in any situation or place. The title of her most recent book sums it all – “Why Not Me?“.

Lesson to Learn: Adopt a sense of entitlement, minus the arrogance! Feeling entitled to deserve something because you rightfully earned it or because you are no different than someone is the key.

It is All About How Hard You Are Willing to Work:

There is no substitute for hard work, according to Mindy. And that gives her the confidence she possesses as well. And when we say Mindy works hard, she really does slog it off! Whatever is required to get the job done the way she wants, Mindy will do. 18 hour workdays are the norm for her. In addition, whatever she wants to get, she finds a way to get it. This quote from Mindy summarizes it well – “Write your own part. It is the only way I have gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny in your own hands.”

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Lesson to Learn: If you want something, don’t wait around for the perfect opportunity. Don’t wait for someone else to get it for you or give it to you. Get started and get it yourself!

‘Beyonce Pad Thai’ to Your Rescue:

In a difficult moment on The Mindy Project, Mindy finds her inner warrior and names the warrior, ‘Beyonce Pad Thai’. Creating that warrior alter-ego helped Mindy tackle some emotional fires. Similarly, we all need to create a warrior alter-ego from our strengths.

Lesson to Learn: We need to trust and believe that we possess inner strength beyond what is visible on the surface. Dig deeper to find that source of inner strength. Take it a step further and like Mindy, give it a name! And call upon that warrior to help you get through those difficult times. On a side note: inspired by Mindy, I’ve decided to name my inner warrior – GForce Milky Way!

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Don’t Let Your Body Image Get In The Way:

Let’s accept it. We live in an unforgiving society, filled with sizes 0s, 2s and 4s. For many people that are size 4 onwards, they question themselves, feel self conscious and aspire to be below size 4. For most people their size affects their self-esteem and other aspects of their lives as well.

Mindy does not let body image get in the way of her life. She acknowledges where she falls on the size spectrum and although she aspires to weigh a few pounds less, she does not obsess over it. She prioritizes other aspects of her life over losing those few pounds.

Lesson to Learn: Let us strive to lead healthy lives irrespective of our sizes. Aspire to be in our ideal weight, but lead healthy lives and not obsess over sizes and weights. There is much more things that life has to offer, and it is unfair to be stuck on size and lose out on other aspects of our lives.

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This quote from Mindy captures the essence of this obsession we have with body image.

“I get so worried about girls with body image stuff… And I feel like I have been able to have a fun career and be an on-camera talent and be someone who has boyfriends and love interests and wears nice clothes and those kinds of things without having to be an emaciated stick. And it is possible to do it. In life, you don’t have to be that way and you can have a great life, a fun life, and a fulfilling love life.”

Mindy summarizes her attitude perfectly with this closing quote.

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.”

Featured photo credit: missalaneyus via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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