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4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

Kelly Kapoor was who we all fell in love with initially! That would be Kelly Kapoor, a character from the hugely popular show, The Office. Kelly portrayed by Mindy Kaling went from a not so important character on the show to one of the staple characters that we couldn’t get enough of! And that was hugely due to Mindy’s personality shining through her character.

Mindy has this quirky and humorous way of speaking her mind and an attitude that we crave. In real life, Mindy is not too different from all the characters she has played, whether it is Kelly Kapoor from the Office or Dr. Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project. She is an accomplished writer, actress, director and producer, with many a claim to fame under her belt – and by the way she is just 36!

Mindy Kaling’s attitude has been a significant reason for her progress in life. And we can adopt a similar attitude to achieve our own goals.

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Killer Confidence, the Mindy Way:

Mindy’s confidence stands out. She wasn’t born with all the self-confidence that she now possesses and displays. She struggled through doubting herself and her abilities, much like most of us. But it all changed for her when she realized that confidence is a matter of entitlement – a belief that you deserve something. Once she adopted the mindset that she deserved something, it was easy to see the confidence arise naturally in any situation or place. The title of her most recent book sums it all – “Why Not Me?“.

Lesson to Learn: Adopt a sense of entitlement, minus the arrogance! Feeling entitled to deserve something because you rightfully earned it or because you are no different than someone is the key.

It is All About How Hard You Are Willing to Work:

There is no substitute for hard work, according to Mindy. And that gives her the confidence she possesses as well. And when we say Mindy works hard, she really does slog it off! Whatever is required to get the job done the way she wants, Mindy will do. 18 hour workdays are the norm for her. In addition, whatever she wants to get, she finds a way to get it. This quote from Mindy summarizes it well – “Write your own part. It is the only way I have gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny in your own hands.”

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Lesson to Learn: If you want something, don’t wait around for the perfect opportunity. Don’t wait for someone else to get it for you or give it to you. Get started and get it yourself!

‘Beyonce Pad Thai’ to Your Rescue:

In a difficult moment on The Mindy Project, Mindy finds her inner warrior and names the warrior, ‘Beyonce Pad Thai’. Creating that warrior alter-ego helped Mindy tackle some emotional fires. Similarly, we all need to create a warrior alter-ego from our strengths.

Lesson to Learn: We need to trust and believe that we possess inner strength beyond what is visible on the surface. Dig deeper to find that source of inner strength. Take it a step further and like Mindy, give it a name! And call upon that warrior to help you get through those difficult times. On a side note: inspired by Mindy, I’ve decided to name my inner warrior – GForce Milky Way!

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Don’t Let Your Body Image Get In The Way:

Let’s accept it. We live in an unforgiving society, filled with sizes 0s, 2s and 4s. For many people that are size 4 onwards, they question themselves, feel self conscious and aspire to be below size 4. For most people their size affects their self-esteem and other aspects of their lives as well.

Mindy does not let body image get in the way of her life. She acknowledges where she falls on the size spectrum and although she aspires to weigh a few pounds less, she does not obsess over it. She prioritizes other aspects of her life over losing those few pounds.

Lesson to Learn: Let us strive to lead healthy lives irrespective of our sizes. Aspire to be in our ideal weight, but lead healthy lives and not obsess over sizes and weights. There is much more things that life has to offer, and it is unfair to be stuck on size and lose out on other aspects of our lives.

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This quote from Mindy captures the essence of this obsession we have with body image.

“I get so worried about girls with body image stuff… And I feel like I have been able to have a fun career and be an on-camera talent and be someone who has boyfriends and love interests and wears nice clothes and those kinds of things without having to be an emaciated stick. And it is possible to do it. In life, you don’t have to be that way and you can have a great life, a fun life, and a fulfilling love life.”

Mindy summarizes her attitude perfectly with this closing quote.

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.”

Featured photo credit: missalaneyus via flickr.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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