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4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

4 Unbreakable “Mindy’s Ways” That Every Girl Should Learn

Kelly Kapoor was who we all fell in love with initially! That would be Kelly Kapoor, a character from the hugely popular show, The Office. Kelly portrayed by Mindy Kaling went from a not so important character on the show to one of the staple characters that we couldn’t get enough of! And that was hugely due to Mindy’s personality shining through her character.

Mindy has this quirky and humorous way of speaking her mind and an attitude that we crave. In real life, Mindy is not too different from all the characters she has played, whether it is Kelly Kapoor from the Office or Dr. Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project. She is an accomplished writer, actress, director and producer, with many a claim to fame under her belt – and by the way she is just 36!

Mindy Kaling’s attitude has been a significant reason for her progress in life. And we can adopt a similar attitude to achieve our own goals.

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Killer Confidence, the Mindy Way:

Mindy’s confidence stands out. She wasn’t born with all the self-confidence that she now possesses and displays. She struggled through doubting herself and her abilities, much like most of us. But it all changed for her when she realized that confidence is a matter of entitlement – a belief that you deserve something. Once she adopted the mindset that she deserved something, it was easy to see the confidence arise naturally in any situation or place. The title of her most recent book sums it all – “Why Not Me?“.

Lesson to Learn: Adopt a sense of entitlement, minus the arrogance! Feeling entitled to deserve something because you rightfully earned it or because you are no different than someone is the key.

It is All About How Hard You Are Willing to Work:

There is no substitute for hard work, according to Mindy. And that gives her the confidence she possesses as well. And when we say Mindy works hard, she really does slog it off! Whatever is required to get the job done the way she wants, Mindy will do. 18 hour workdays are the norm for her. In addition, whatever she wants to get, she finds a way to get it. This quote from Mindy summarizes it well – “Write your own part. It is the only way I have gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny in your own hands.”

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Lesson to Learn: If you want something, don’t wait around for the perfect opportunity. Don’t wait for someone else to get it for you or give it to you. Get started and get it yourself!

‘Beyonce Pad Thai’ to Your Rescue:

In a difficult moment on The Mindy Project, Mindy finds her inner warrior and names the warrior, ‘Beyonce Pad Thai’. Creating that warrior alter-ego helped Mindy tackle some emotional fires. Similarly, we all need to create a warrior alter-ego from our strengths.

Lesson to Learn: We need to trust and believe that we possess inner strength beyond what is visible on the surface. Dig deeper to find that source of inner strength. Take it a step further and like Mindy, give it a name! And call upon that warrior to help you get through those difficult times. On a side note: inspired by Mindy, I’ve decided to name my inner warrior – GForce Milky Way!

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Don’t Let Your Body Image Get In The Way:

Let’s accept it. We live in an unforgiving society, filled with sizes 0s, 2s and 4s. For many people that are size 4 onwards, they question themselves, feel self conscious and aspire to be below size 4. For most people their size affects their self-esteem and other aspects of their lives as well.

Mindy does not let body image get in the way of her life. She acknowledges where she falls on the size spectrum and although she aspires to weigh a few pounds less, she does not obsess over it. She prioritizes other aspects of her life over losing those few pounds.

Lesson to Learn: Let us strive to lead healthy lives irrespective of our sizes. Aspire to be in our ideal weight, but lead healthy lives and not obsess over sizes and weights. There is much more things that life has to offer, and it is unfair to be stuck on size and lose out on other aspects of our lives.

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This quote from Mindy captures the essence of this obsession we have with body image.

“I get so worried about girls with body image stuff… And I feel like I have been able to have a fun career and be an on-camera talent and be someone who has boyfriends and love interests and wears nice clothes and those kinds of things without having to be an emaciated stick. And it is possible to do it. In life, you don’t have to be that way and you can have a great life, a fun life, and a fulfilling love life.”

Mindy summarizes her attitude perfectly with this closing quote.

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.”

Featured photo credit: missalaneyus via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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