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6 Pieces Of Advice That Every Woman Should Refuse To Accept

6 Pieces Of Advice That Every Woman Should Refuse To Accept

Ladies, how often do you receive advice from others? Chances are, pretty frequently. This advice, whether requested or unsolicited, isn’t always the greatest.

Here are 6 pieces of advice that every woman should refuse to accept.

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1. That’s a male-dominated field – pick a job for women

In this article, Richard Branson responds to 9-year-old Annie’s letter to him that included blueprints of an aircraft she designed. Branson writes, “I also think it’s wonderful that you are looking at an industry that is largely made up by males. If you’re thinking about becoming an engineer or a pilot, then my advice is to go for it. Go out and grab it with both hands. The world needs more female engineers and pilots, and entrepreneurs. If you put your mind to it, you can achieve it – you’ve clearly got drive, which is a necessary quality of all these careers.”

2. It’s time for you to settle down and get married

That’s horrible advice. If you’re not ready to get married, don’t. Wait to get married until you really know yourself and you and your significant other both feel ready. Just because your friends are all settling down by a certain age doesn’t mean you need to.

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3. Stay in your relationship, no matter what

Breaking up from a serious dating relationship is never easy. Once you are married and add a couple kids to the mix, it’s even more complicated to end a relationship. However, that doesn’t mean you should always stay no matter what. There are times when staying in a relationship means living in a toxic, abusive environment. Better advice is to seek help to salvage an overall healthy relationship, and seek help to get out if you’re in an abusive situation.

4. You should have a kid

Women are given this advice all the time. Whether they are childless or have several kids already, women frequently receive unsolicited advice about having kids. When you decide to have children, if at all, the decision should be between you and your life partner. It’s a very personal decision that is not to be taken lightly and should not be based on pressure from others.

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5. You should put all your dreams on hold when you have kids

Life changes when you have kids. Suddenly, you may find your priorities change. However, this doesn’t mean every single one of your dreams needs to go on hold when you become a parent. I strongly believe every mother should pursue some interests aside from her children, so she can continue to learn and grow and cultivate her passions. It’s very beneficial to continue to dream.

6. You’re a bad mom if…(fill in the blank)…

Women make snarky comments all the time. You’re a bad mom if you don’t breastfeed. You’re a bad mom if you’re still breastfeeding your child at a certain age. You’re a bad mom if you’re too tired to exercise. You’re a bad mom if you choose the gym over hanging out with your child. You’re a bad mom if you don’t feed your kid all organic food. You’re a bad mom if you spend too much time in the kitchen cooking when you should be reading to your child. You’re a bad mom for teaching your kid academics when you should let him have freestyle play time. You’re a bad mom for so much play time; you need to teach your child math so she won’t fall behind. I see this type of behavior frequently among moms.

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Enough of the mommy wars already. More than likely, whether you’re busy climbing the corporate ladder or climbing out from under a pile of Cheerios, you’re a good mom. Focus on the needs and desires of your immediate family and make your decisions accordingly. Do your best to ditch the concept of being superwoman, and realize you will never please everybody. Find what works best for you and your loved ones, and don’t worry about the opinions of others.

Ladies, it’s time to live boldly and blaze your own trail.

Featured photo credit: Laura/Dita Margarita via flickr.com

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Dr. Kerry Petsinger

Entrepreneur, Mindset & Performance Coach, & Doctor of Physical Therapy

Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again How to Find the Purpose of Life and Start Living a Fulfilling Life Don’t like your job? Here are some solutions. How People Make Decisions That Are Bad For Them How to Have a Successful Career and a Fulfilling Personal Life

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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