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Things That We Seldom Tell Each Other

Things That We Seldom Tell Each Other

If you have spent any time around young children you will know that they are generally more honest and forthcoming than adults. After playing with a friend’s four-year-old for ten minutes he looked me in the eye and said, “I like you. Let’s be friends.” As we grow older we quickly learn that some things are not “appropriate” to say—even if they are nice things.

Our culture makes it so easy to feel isolated by technology and social politeness. It’s time to start reintroducing these simple truths to our everyday conversation with the people around us. If we begin to tell each other more emotionally honest and vulnerable things, we will be able to foster deeper connections with each other and encourage each other on a more foundational level.

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“I like you. Let’s be friends.”

Maybe those exact words aren’t the best ones to use… but why not!? In adult friendships it’s rarely appropriate to express a genuine, platonic enjoyment of each other. I have met people in my adult years that I just hit it off with. We talked well together. We had similar interests. They made me laugh. I honestly wanted to develop a deeper friendship with them but I didn’t have the confidence to tell them, “Hey—I like you. Let’s be friends” and those people filtered out of my life. I will never have those friendships.

If we have the confidence to be honest about our affections for people we will have the chance to develop deep friendships with the people we choose to have in our life.

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“I forgive you.”

When children hurt each other on the playground there is generally a sprinkle of tears, a round of comfort, an admittance of guilt and request for forgiveness. Often the child who was hurt responses with, “I forgive you.” and the games continue. When adults hurt each other and ask for forgiveness the most common responses are, “It’s okay.” or “Don’t worry about it.” These flippant phrases that we toss out at each other are not very helpful in truly resolving conflict. If we can own that a situation was hurtful, but you still forgive someone there is healing for ourselves and healing for the other person.

“I’m here.”

When someone we love is going through a difficult time there is all this pressure to say or do the right thing. When a friend is grieving or struggling you can’t fix their pain. Trying would only cause further pain.The best way to support your loved ones is to simply say, “I’m here.” Just being present for your friend through their pain is the most honest and helpful way you can love your friend.

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“I need help. Will you help me?”

Some where in the process of adolescence we stop admitting our weaknesses. Our culture praises self-starters who don’t ask for help and don’t need any. Pretending to have it all figured out is now the expectation. We are told to “pull ourselves up by our boot straps” and “fake it ’til you make it.” But we are not created to live life in isolation. We need each other. There is not one person on this planet that would reach their highest potential on their own. We have the capability to help each other be better versions of ourselves. By admitting your imperfections you are able to grow. Inviting each other into our imperfections allows us to become a better community—a community that cares for each other. We need to tell each other when we need help so our friends and family have the opportunity to intervene in our lives and give us the support we need.

Being able to tell each other these simple and honest phrases takes vulnerability and courage, but without those things we will never create deep and meaningful relationships. We tell each other these things often enough, but we should start saying them now.

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Featured photo credit: Dan Cooper via stokpic.com

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Emily Myrin

Copywriter

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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