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Things That We Seldom Tell Each Other

Things That We Seldom Tell Each Other

If you have spent any time around young children you will know that they are generally more honest and forthcoming than adults. After playing with a friend’s four-year-old for ten minutes he looked me in the eye and said, “I like you. Let’s be friends.” As we grow older we quickly learn that some things are not “appropriate” to say—even if they are nice things.

Our culture makes it so easy to feel isolated by technology and social politeness. It’s time to start reintroducing these simple truths to our everyday conversation with the people around us. If we begin to tell each other more emotionally honest and vulnerable things, we will be able to foster deeper connections with each other and encourage each other on a more foundational level.

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“I like you. Let’s be friends.”

Maybe those exact words aren’t the best ones to use… but why not!? In adult friendships it’s rarely appropriate to express a genuine, platonic enjoyment of each other. I have met people in my adult years that I just hit it off with. We talked well together. We had similar interests. They made me laugh. I honestly wanted to develop a deeper friendship with them but I didn’t have the confidence to tell them, “Hey—I like you. Let’s be friends” and those people filtered out of my life. I will never have those friendships.

If we have the confidence to be honest about our affections for people we will have the chance to develop deep friendships with the people we choose to have in our life.

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“I forgive you.”

When children hurt each other on the playground there is generally a sprinkle of tears, a round of comfort, an admittance of guilt and request for forgiveness. Often the child who was hurt responses with, “I forgive you.” and the games continue. When adults hurt each other and ask for forgiveness the most common responses are, “It’s okay.” or “Don’t worry about it.” These flippant phrases that we toss out at each other are not very helpful in truly resolving conflict. If we can own that a situation was hurtful, but you still forgive someone there is healing for ourselves and healing for the other person.

“I’m here.”

When someone we love is going through a difficult time there is all this pressure to say or do the right thing. When a friend is grieving or struggling you can’t fix their pain. Trying would only cause further pain.The best way to support your loved ones is to simply say, “I’m here.” Just being present for your friend through their pain is the most honest and helpful way you can love your friend.

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“I need help. Will you help me?”

Some where in the process of adolescence we stop admitting our weaknesses. Our culture praises self-starters who don’t ask for help and don’t need any. Pretending to have it all figured out is now the expectation. We are told to “pull ourselves up by our boot straps” and “fake it ’til you make it.” But we are not created to live life in isolation. We need each other. There is not one person on this planet that would reach their highest potential on their own. We have the capability to help each other be better versions of ourselves. By admitting your imperfections you are able to grow. Inviting each other into our imperfections allows us to become a better community—a community that cares for each other. We need to tell each other when we need help so our friends and family have the opportunity to intervene in our lives and give us the support we need.

Being able to tell each other these simple and honest phrases takes vulnerability and courage, but without those things we will never create deep and meaningful relationships. We tell each other these things often enough, but we should start saying them now.

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Featured photo credit: Dan Cooper via stokpic.com

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Emily Myrin

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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