Advertising
Advertising

Read This If You Don’t Want To Miss Your True Love.

Read This If You Don’t Want To Miss Your True Love.

It has captivated men and women in every era, on every continent, from every culture. It has caused wars and ended them, it has brought the deepest despair and the highest joy. It is free, but it costs absolutely everything. More than anything, it gives hope. Two out of every three songs is written about it. Countless amounts of literature has been devoted to its topic.What are we talking about? Love.

So hard to find and maintain, but once attained it is a priceless treasure. Here are some of the reasons that so many miss out on finding their true love, and hopefully they will help you avoid the same mistakes in your relationship journeys.

Advertising

“There is one true love out there waiting for me.”

I call this the “Disney Syndrome.” Too often people miss the love of their life because they are looking for the wrong kind of guy or girl–the one of their dreams. I am an engaged man–to the most amazing woman in the world: Kelsey–and I wish I could tell you our whole story because it is beautiful. But it is not a Disney fairytale. I met Kels my sophomore year of college (her freshman year) and quickly fell for her. Long story short, she friend-zoned me because I wasn’t the kind of guy she was looking for. We didn’t talk for two years. But through a series of events (long story short, again), we rekindled that flame and now we are getting married in April. Disney fairytale? No. But romantic and perfect? Absolutely. So stop looking for the “perfect person” because he/she doesn’t exist. Look for the man or woman who brings out the best AND the worst in you–the best because he/she makes you better and the worst because the most loving relationships sharpen each other.

“Love is all happiness”

Love is one of the greatest joys, but people seem to ignore how hard it is. Love is not simply the feelings that arise when you think of that special someone–love is an action, a choice. Love is intentional and requires effort. Love is the greatest investment–it requires you to put time and effort into it, but the rewards are worth so much more.

Advertising

“With my true love, romance will never die”

Love occurs between two people. Did you catch that? Love happens between two HUMANS. No human being is perfect. We hurt each other–intentionally and unintentionally. We do and say dumb things. We make mistakes. The pitfall of many doomed couples is that they are looking for someone who will make them feel giddy constantly, so they ditch each other when things get hard or arguments stifle the romance. But the best romance is fought for; the best romance is made.

“My true love will have everything in common with me”

Although it is true that similarities can draw couples closer, differences are what sustain relationships. If you dated or married someone exactly like you, it would be boring and awful. Nobody wants to date themselves (okay, maybe Donald Trump…). The spice of relationships is the differences between each of you. Kels is more artistic and outgoing while I am more detail-oriented, organized and less outgoing. My life was fine before her, but with her (and because of her differences in personality and tastes in activities) I have adventures that I never would have on my own. People are meant to complement each other–I fill in where she lacks and she graciously does the same for me. Together we make a whole.

Advertising

“My true love will complete me”

This is where many relationships fall off the rails. This statement makes the underlying assumption that another person is capable of fulfilling all of your wants and needs. This is so far from the truth and terribly unfair to your significant other. This assumption puts unrealistic pressure on your significant other to satisfy all of your desires. No one person can do that. It is impossible.

A fulfilling life is more dynamic that simply having another person fix it for you. Having a partner can make life so much better, but you must have goals and dreams outside of your relationship. Do other things–ride a bicycle, learn magic tricks, do yoga–ANYTHING that brings satisfaction outside of your significant other. If all you are doing is taking from your true love, you have no new love to give back to them–and eventually they won’t be able to meet your unrealistic standards for them.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: james j8246 via flickr.com

More by this author

Austen Broome

Social Media/Public Relations Manager and Copywriter for Liquid Creative

Life After Graduation: How To Make The Most Of It What To Expect During Engagement Read This If You Don’t Want To Miss Your True Love. 20 Ways Men Can Feel Fulfilled In A Relationship 8 Tactics To Make What You Say Sound Smarter And More Eloquent

Trending in Communication

1 What Is Self Actualization? 13 Traits of a Self-Actualized Person 2 Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression 3 20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die 4 How to Deal with Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 10 Websites To Learn Something New In 30 Minutes A Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

Advertising

• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

Advertising

Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

Advertising

One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

Advertising

Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

Read Next