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Sometimes You Think Compromising Is The Only Way Out In Your Relationship. Actually It Isn’t.

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Sometimes You Think Compromising Is The Only Way Out In Your Relationship. Actually It Isn’t.

In past relationships I have learned that no matter how hard you try to please someone in certain cases you will only fall short. Being in a relationship is not simply about giving but it is also about your partner understanding who you are. They should not force you to give more than you can. Rather they should accept you for your abilities.

You should not compromise any of these things in a relationship, rather you should find a point to reach an understanding with your partner.

1. You should love your partner but they should support your dreams

Sometimes we want to let go of our dreams simply because our partners want something else for us. If they love us or want to be part of our future they should support our dreams also.

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2. You have a new family but you cannot compromise on your family ties

Yes you want to build a new family with your partner. But you can’t simply throw away your family ties with your parents, relatives and siblings. Yes, all in-laws come with their baggage but you can always find a way to create a bridge between your families.

3. Your partner should be your best friend but you can’t throw away your former friendships

Your friends sometimes can be your best safety net. So you do not need to compromise your friendships for the sake of a relationship.

4. You should be committed to your partner but never abandon your career

It is never necessary for anyone to give up their career goals to make a relationship work. Rather it is important for you to work around your desires for what you want to achieve professionally in a mutually respectful manner.

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5. You do not want someone who opposes your values but you don’t need to change your values for a relationship

You shouldn’t be on the same page with your partner on everything. It is ideal for you to have a healthy and informed debate every now and then. You shouldn’t show ignorance and tolerate bigoted ideals simply because you want to make your relationship work.

6. You do not have to stop feeling good about yourself because of anyone

Anyone who makes you feel less confident about yourself is not the right person for you. You also do not have to change yourself implicitly because of anyone. Rather you should be with someone that makes you feel like you can be yourself.

7. When you are in love you should also be treated with respect

As much as love can involve making personal sacrifices, you also should also be shown respect when you are in a relationship with anyone. You should not let go of your self-worth because you are trying so hard to please another person.

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8. You should not compromise on humanity

There are many things that make you human, like compassion, an ability to forgive and to show empathy. You should not compromise on things that make you human.

9. You should not compromise on trust

We all want our partners to know that we can tolerate their mistakes and flaws. But even when we tolerate so much, we should be able to refuse to compromise on the importance of trust. This means we can continue to carry our relationships forward in a healthy manner.

10. You should think about the other person often but you should never compromise your intelligence

This is in regards to both your emotional and mental intelligence. While the other person should be a priority in your thoughts, never should that person make you feel stupid, weak or out of place in the relationship.

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11. You should never compromise your integrity

What matters most in your life and how much you adhere to certain standards or principles can define who you are. You should never compromise your identity in a relationship.

12. Learn that you are not perfect and either is your partner

Yes, you are imperfect and you will make mistakes. The other person should be able to forgive you when mistakes are made rather than demand perfection from you.

Featured photo credit: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich via shutterstock.com

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More by this author

Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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