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What Most People Don’t Know Before Getting Married

What Most People Don’t Know Before Getting Married

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Here are some of the things I’ve learned over the past decade.

Marriage is not two people giving 50/50

Marriage is about two people each giving 100%. When you start keeping track of “all the things you do all the time” and expecting tasks to be 50/50, you can easily start resenting your spouse. Focusing on what your spouse doesn’t contribute to the marriage and how your spouse isn’t being fair can increase your discontentment. Rather than continually keeping tabs of who last emptied the trash can, it can be helpful to focus on making your spouse feel special. Whether it’s a sweet note posted on the bathroom mirror, a little gift “just because,” or a unique surprise date you plan at a thoughtful location, putting in 100% effort in the marriage can strengthen your marriage.

Traumatic events, illnesses, and grief have the potential to bring you closer together or drive you very far apart

Very difficult things can happen in life, and some couples seem to be slammed with one heartache after another. Everyone deals with stress and grief differently. As you endure extreme hardships together, do your best to keep communication open with your spouse. If you’re feeling all out of sorts, explain why to your spouse. Remember that you are two unique individuals, and when stressful events happen, you may process them very differently.

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Our marriage has endured some devastating events, and we haven’t always been the best at sticking together through the hard times. As your marriage weathers the storms, make sure to furiously protect it. At times it may feel like everything in the world is threatening to tear you apart.

Years into the marriage, you’ll still have days you wonder what planet your spouse came from

My husband and I have been married for years, and there are still days I feel like I don’t understand him at all. I don’t even know what else to say about this.

People show love in completely different ways

One of the best books my husband and I have read is “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. After decades as a marriage counselor, Chapman became convinced that there are five basic ways to express love emotionally, which he calls the five basic love languages. According to Chapman, each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak in order for the person to feel loved. The five love languages are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service.

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The Five Love Languages book has changed my marriage immensely, and has helped me understand how to show love to my spouse. I’m very much a Quality Time person. My husband, on the other hand, needs Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service to feel loved. Knowing these differences between us has been eye-opening and has helped strengthen our marriage.

It’s not all unicorns and rainbows

Dating is fun. Everything is new and exciting, and you both put effort into how you look and how you act. Then you get married and you realize you married a human. Who poops. And drools. You won’t be enticed by this person every day. In fact, you’ll be completely grossed out at times.

When you get lost in the daily grind of life, it’s easy to fall into the habit of giving each other the “leftovers” of yourselves, and having your spouse see only your worst sides – when you are physically and emotionally spent. It’s wise to continue to invest in each other after marriage. Invest time and energy into your relationship. Put in effort to make each other feel special. Make sure your spouse gets more from you than venting about your day. Even though not every day is unicorns and rainbows, make a point to regularly share the best parts of yourself with your spouse.

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Laughter fixes many problems

Having a good sense of humor can significantly help your marriage. When you can laugh together, it makes the good times even better, and the rough times a little less difficult.

Giving each other space to spend time with friends and pursue individual goals can greatly enhance your happiness

Many people lose sight of who they are as individuals once they become married. However, I believe it’s very healthy to continue to have interests outside of your spouse. Whether it’s a professional or personal goal, or a hobby you love, nurturing other areas of your life aside from your relationship can help you feel more fulfilled in life. Your spouse won’t (and shouldn’t be expected to) fulfill all your needs. Taking time to connect with friends is also very important.

Your love may grow stronger with each passing year

Marriage isn’t easy, and at times can be incredibly difficult. However, it can also be awesome. Best wishes to you for a long, healthy, happy marriage.

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Featured photo credit: Joe Hunt/Here comes the bride…(and groom) via flickr.com

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Dr. Kerry Petsinger

Entrepreneur, Mindset & Performance Coach, & Doctor of Physical Therapy

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Last Updated on October 18, 2018

50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

Life is filled with highs and lows —happiness and struggles that will test your resilience and integrity, push you to overcome challenges and leave you with lessons that will make you even stronger on your way up.

It’s the way you feel and think about yourself, including your expectations and beliefs about what is possible to you, greatly determines everything that happens to you.

It all starts with your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you transform the quality of your life. (Right, Nancy’s story is a typical example!)

Below is a list of the best motivational quotes to inspire you to start your day with a blast:

Quotes for self-assurance

1. Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.

    2. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

      3. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

        4. The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others

          5. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great, then be great.

            6. It’s not who you are that holds you behind, it’s who you think your are not.

              Quotes about positivity

              7. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.

                8. You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it is experience.

                  9. Falling down is an accident, staying down is a choice.

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                    10. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.

                      11. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

                        12. Don’t be afraid to give up the good and go for great.

                          13. Remember that life’s greatest lessons are usually learned from worst times and from the worst mistakes.

                            Quotes for work and success

                            14. Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove.

                              15. Never stop doing great just because someone doesn’t give you credit.

                                16. Discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don’t want to.

                                  17. Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream.

                                    18. The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.

                                      19. Never apologize for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise to meet them.

                                        20. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

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                                          21. Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it, time will pass anyway.

                                            22. Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.

                                              23. A hill is just another opportunity to leave your competition behind.

                                                24. Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.

                                                  25. Hustle until you no longer need to introduce yourself.

                                                    26. You didn’t come this far only to come this far.

                                                      27. Be selective in your battles for sometimes peace is better than being right.

                                                        28 If we keep doing what we are doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting.

                                                          29. You will never know your limits until you push yourself to them.

                                                            30. Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.

                                                              31. The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.

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                                                                32. If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.

                                                                  33. If you can’t handle stress, you won’t manage success.

                                                                    34. Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.

                                                                      35. Don’t mistake silence for weakness. Smart people don’t plan big moves out loud.

                                                                        36. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

                                                                          37. Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe dedicated.

                                                                            38. You become who you spend your time with.

                                                                              39. Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.

                                                                                40. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

                                                                                  41. If you don’t build your dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs.

                                                                                    42. Between stimulus and response is our greatest power –the freedom to choose.

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                                                                                      43. What comes easy won’t last, what lasts won’t come easy.

                                                                                        44. Don’t limit your challenges, challenge your limits.

                                                                                          45. Work until your idols become your rivals.

                                                                                            Quotes about money

                                                                                            46. Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune.

                                                                                              47. I create new enemies every day, it’s called business.

                                                                                                48. When you have a Million Dollar vision, don’t surround yourself with 1 cent minds.

                                                                                                  49. You can’t get rich thinking poor.

                                                                                                    50. Doing what is comfortable is rarely profitable.

                                                                                                      51. If you can count your money, work harder.

                                                                                                        If you find yourself feeling lost and frustrated, it’s never too late to change things up. Check out this guide:

                                                                                                        How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

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