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5 Great Signs You’ve Fallen In Love With Yourself Like Nobody Else

5 Great Signs You’ve Fallen In Love With Yourself Like Nobody Else

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Ru Paul’s Drag Race (or, binge-watched, much like myself), you’re familiar with the closing lines: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?” Amen, indeed.

More often than not, we take ourselves for granted. We forget that we have incredible characteristics that are unique just to ourselves. It’s important to take stock of what makes you, as a person, a prize. Over the course of your life, you may have opportunities to fall in love with a few people. Being the first person you always stay in love with can enhance the love you’ll be able to give to others. Not to mention, make life a whole lot sweeter.

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Here are 5 signs that you’re in love with yourself like nobody else.

1. You rely on your confidence, not cockiness

When I was a child, my mother looked me in the eye and said, “No one is better than you but you are no better than anyone else.” These words have served as one of my life mantras. Confidence is the quality of knowing that you have worth. Therefore, your actions and words are an extension of your worth; they are respected and respectful.

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Cockiness is the quality of acting as if you are better than others. Therefore, your actions and words reflect an ill-mannered attitude and insecurities. Relying on the former is a symbol of recognizing your own value; that you have something good to offer. Confidence allows us to be our best selves. When you operate with confidence, you also enable the people around you to offer the best of themselves. Clear proof that you don’t feel like you’re in competition with anyone but yourself — a loving and wonderful place to be.

2. You are your sturdiest rock

It’s important to value the opinions of your tribe. After all, they care about you and have your heart in mind. However, when you truly love yourself, you may take polls amongst friends and family, but ultimately you choose what’s best for your personal journey — regardless of popular opinion. You can’t have love without trust. Listening to yourself and trusting those interior words is modus operandi for you, because, at your core, you are solid and self-possessed.

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3. You have great inner dialogue

Everyone talks to themselves at one point or another. A fine sign that you love yourself is in the way you use inner dialoging. Many self-help gurus insist that you can change your life for the better simply by being careful with the words you use when speaking to yourself. By adopting encouraging language internally to celebrate even small victories, you’ll be treating yourself like a genuine loved one. As well, really serving the hard truth when things get tough can also uphold your self-loyalty.

4. You don’t pay much attention to what people think about you

We’ve all sought approval from someone before: a parent, a lover, a boss, a friend. However, when you love yourself, you know that the only person you have to impress is you. Life is too short to be held hostage by the judgements of others. As a person who loves yourself unconditionally, you recognize that living up to someone else’s expectations is a life lived for someone else… and you don’t have time for that. Your opinions filter is set on high; you can differentiate constructive criticism from destructive criticism. You take the good, leave the bad, and keep it moving.

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5. You treat yourself well

By this, I don’t mean going on a shopping spree at the closest designer boutique. Rather, you acknowledge that you’re human. You accept 100% of you and embrace all of it. You find perfection in all of your imperfections. You don’t get hung up on your mistakes, but you draw knowledge from them to build yourself up. You respect yourself in every aspect: mentally, physically, and spiritually, by making time to process your thoughts, maintaining your body’s health, and creating balance to harmonize as many layers of your life as you can. Mostly, you enjoy the world around you by allowing yourself to be fascinated, humbled, and invigorated by it as much as possible!

Featured photo credit: stokpic/ed gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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