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How Successful People Deal With Narcissists Wisely

How Successful People Deal With Narcissists Wisely

Dealing with narcissistic people is incredibly frustrating.

It is not just that their toxic personality drives you nuts. Part of it is that too many people seem to be completely unaware of the effect that their words and actions have on other people. But the people who know exactly what they are doing can make your blood boil just the same.

Whether they know what they’re doing or not, these personalities can add stress and complexity to almost every situation.

Unfortunately, dealing with narcissists is a part of everyday life. It is almost impossible to escape them and if you want to keep your job, you have to play it cool.

Dealing with narcissists wisely does not involve forcing them to see the error of their ways. To be honest, that difficulty level is usually way above your pay grade. But how you manage them can impact your situation immensely.

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Here are some things that successful people do to deal with narcissists wisely.

They Remain Aware of Their Feelings

When you’re dealing with narcissistic people, you need to maintain a certain emotional distance to help keep you from escalating the situation. This tip comes from dating expert Vin DiCarlo.

To do with this, you need to think about why something makes you so irritated and work on that on your end. Not knowing why someone makes you as angry as they do can actually make your anger worse.

One of the best things that you can do when you are dealing with narcissists is to acknowledge that they make you angry rather than trying to stop it. If you can admit to yourself that you feel angry, you have a much better chance of controlling it.

They Focus on the Solution… Not the Problem

One of the best things you can do for yourself, for them and for your team is to focus on the solution rather than on the problem. Focusing on the problem will only drag you down and make you angry.

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Instead, you need to become a master of adjustment. If you can learn to pivot quickly, you will improve your problem solving skills. This will help you skate past the problems that arise when dealing with these types of behaviors.

They Forgive But Don’t Forget

You need to let go of how much the other person’s behavior annoys you.

Whether they are just a jerk or the behavior comes from somewhere deeper, it does not need to become your personal problem. That is exactly what it will become if you do not exhale and let go of all your negative feelings about their behavior.

Forgiving is essential but you should not forget

If the person makes no effort to correct their negative behavior and there is no other pressure forced on them, you need to be prepared to deal with it occurring again in the future.

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The more prepared you are, the less emotional you will get when it happens again. When you do not get emotional every time you have to deal with this negative behavior, you can deal with it more objectively.

They Recognize That the Behavior Comes From Different Places

Narcissistic behavior comes from many different places. It is not as black and white as someone just being a jerk. Sometimes narcissistic behavior comes from a feeling of inadequacy.

When some people feel like they don’t measure up, they can overcompensate with negative behaviors.

Other negative behaviors are just a part of a person’s personality. In some cases, narcissism is a part of a bigger problem.

It is not your role to play their therapist. But you should appreciate that there may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of that is at the heart of this kind of behavior.

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They Lean on Their Own Support System

Anytime you are dealing with negativity in your life, you should not feel afraid to rely on your own support system. Sometimes just venting can help you feel better in the short term. Other times, it can give you a whole new perspective that may help you deal with your situation better.

When you are able to talk to people who are not involved in the situation, it is easier to maintain a balanced perspective. This is because a good support system will tell you when to let it go and when to work harder to resolve the situation.

Dealing with narcissists is hard. But if you can relate to them without letting them drag you down with them, it can be a lot easier.

As John C. Maxwell once said, “Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.”

When you are dealing with a difficult situation created by a person with a negative personality, remember to take a deep breath and have some patience for both that pain-in-the-neck and for yourself.

Featured photo credit: Ninian Reid via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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