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How Successful People Deal With Narcissists Wisely

How Successful People Deal With Narcissists Wisely

Dealing with narcissistic people is incredibly frustrating.

It is not just that their toxic personality drives you nuts. Part of it is that too many people seem to be completely unaware of the effect that their words and actions have on other people. But the people who know exactly what they are doing can make your blood boil just the same.

Whether they know what they’re doing or not, these personalities can add stress and complexity to almost every situation.

Unfortunately, dealing with narcissists is a part of everyday life. It is almost impossible to escape them and if you want to keep your job, you have to play it cool.

Dealing with narcissists wisely does not involve forcing them to see the error of their ways. To be honest, that difficulty level is usually way above your pay grade. But how you manage them can impact your situation immensely.

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Here are some things that successful people do to deal with narcissists wisely.

They Remain Aware of Their Feelings

When you’re dealing with narcissistic people, you need to maintain a certain emotional distance to help keep you from escalating the situation. This tip comes from dating expert Vin DiCarlo.

To do with this, you need to think about why something makes you so irritated and work on that on your end. Not knowing why someone makes you as angry as they do can actually make your anger worse.

One of the best things that you can do when you are dealing with narcissists is to acknowledge that they make you angry rather than trying to stop it. If you can admit to yourself that you feel angry, you have a much better chance of controlling it.

They Focus on the Solution… Not the Problem

One of the best things you can do for yourself, for them and for your team is to focus on the solution rather than on the problem. Focusing on the problem will only drag you down and make you angry.

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Instead, you need to become a master of adjustment. If you can learn to pivot quickly, you will improve your problem solving skills. This will help you skate past the problems that arise when dealing with these types of behaviors.

They Forgive But Don’t Forget

You need to let go of how much the other person’s behavior annoys you.

Whether they are just a jerk or the behavior comes from somewhere deeper, it does not need to become your personal problem. That is exactly what it will become if you do not exhale and let go of all your negative feelings about their behavior.

Forgiving is essential but you should not forget

If the person makes no effort to correct their negative behavior and there is no other pressure forced on them, you need to be prepared to deal with it occurring again in the future.

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The more prepared you are, the less emotional you will get when it happens again. When you do not get emotional every time you have to deal with this negative behavior, you can deal with it more objectively.

They Recognize That the Behavior Comes From Different Places

Narcissistic behavior comes from many different places. It is not as black and white as someone just being a jerk. Sometimes narcissistic behavior comes from a feeling of inadequacy.

When some people feel like they don’t measure up, they can overcompensate with negative behaviors.

Other negative behaviors are just a part of a person’s personality. In some cases, narcissism is a part of a bigger problem.

It is not your role to play their therapist. But you should appreciate that there may be extenuating circumstances that you are not aware of that is at the heart of this kind of behavior.

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They Lean on Their Own Support System

Anytime you are dealing with negativity in your life, you should not feel afraid to rely on your own support system. Sometimes just venting can help you feel better in the short term. Other times, it can give you a whole new perspective that may help you deal with your situation better.

When you are able to talk to people who are not involved in the situation, it is easier to maintain a balanced perspective. This is because a good support system will tell you when to let it go and when to work harder to resolve the situation.

Dealing with narcissists is hard. But if you can relate to them without letting them drag you down with them, it can be a lot easier.

As John C. Maxwell once said, “Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.”

When you are dealing with a difficult situation created by a person with a negative personality, remember to take a deep breath and have some patience for both that pain-in-the-neck and for yourself.

Featured photo credit: Ninian Reid via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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